Moments of Being
by Margo'sShed
Summary: My take on what happened after the #Berena kiss in the episode, 'Protect and Serve'. This story will have M RATED chapters.
1. Chapter 1

It seemed to happen all in one moment; the kiss. Serena had such little time to think, to react, that she could barely breathe.

It was a moment unlike any other she had experienced. Bernie's lips upon her own, kissing her tentatively, how warm she was, how soft her lips were, and how the touch of her fingertips at her neck made her shudder with such violent, unexpected pleasure.

She pulled back, a frown flickering between her eyes. Still the thoughts in her head made no sense, there was nothing but the beating of her own heart, nothing to stop her when she leant back in, more sure, more firmly, clutching at Bernie's arm, urging her closer, _needing_ her closer.

The high pitched creak and rattle of a trolley outside in the corridor was what bought such a strange, beautiful moment to an end. A hand on the door, the shadow of a body before the door swung open and Dr Copeland was there, leaning heavily against the door, looking between the two women.

"Ms Campbell..."

He paused, tilting his head to one side, eyebrow raised, eyes narrowed as he took in the flush of their cheeks and the unsteady tremble of Serena's left hand as she tucked it hurriedly between her knees.

"Everything...alright?"

He asked slowly.

"Yes! Yes, everything with Fletch, it's-"

She exhaled, attempted an uneven smile, leaving the end of her sentence unfinished.

"What was it you wanted, Dr Copeland?"

She asked when he failed to say anything more.

"Oh! Jason is waiting for you in your office."

He gestured loosely with a hand.

"Jason?"

"You're late...apparently."

He smiled, noting Bernie's strained look with more than a little interest.

"Late! What time is it?!"

Serena started, pulling up her knees, readying herself to stand up.

"Quarter past?"

"Oh...Goodness. Right, ok, I'll be there in a moment."

Dr Copeland gave a brief nod of his head and took a step backward into the corridor, the heat of his fingers leaving smudges of white on the metal plate of the door.

Serena drew in a long deep breath, suddenly overly aware of the woman still next to her, their bodies pressed against one another from their shoulders to their thighs.

She cleared her throat and raised a hand to rub her fingertips across her forehead.

"I should...get going."

She whispered. Bernie nodded slowly, swallowing. She glanced sideways at Serena who seemed unable to meet her gaze.

"I'm sorry."

She said suddenly, her voice louder than she had meant it to be.

Serena paused as she began to get up, looking back at her.

"Are you?"

Bernie felt the sudden rush of blood to her cheeks, meeting Serena's eyes for the first time. The air seemed thinner now, and she licked her lips and cleared her throat for the second time.

"Should I be?"

She asked quietly. It was Serena's turn to sigh. She got to her feet slowly, running her hands over the back of her scrubs.

"Serena?"

The brunette paused, helpless.

"Help an old girl up off the floor?"

A small smile twitched at the corner of Serena's mouth, barely traceable, a blink and you'd miss is smile. She held out a hand, mentally bracing herself as Bernie's fingers grasped her own and she tugged gently as she stood.

"Can we talk about this?"

Bernie asked suddenly, all in a rush before she had time to think twice.

Serena glanced down between them, dropping her hand and holding it against her chest with her other.

"I'd better get Jason home, who knows what wrath I will incur if that shepherds pie is not on the table at precisely the right time..."

"Serena...come on."

It was a whisper, nothing more. She closed her eyes for a moment.

"Not now, Bernie. Just...not right now. Ok? It's been a long day, let's just get home."

"Ok."

Bernie pushed her hands into her pockets.

"Ok."

She repeated, a murmur of a word on her breath as she followed Serena from the room, defeated.

As she followed the other woman to the office she replayed in her mind what had happened, as much as she could remember. She had let her guard down, acted impulsively and now, as she walked behind Serena she realised what she had sacrificed, and what she could lose. She realised all of this in such a sudden blow that she gasped silently for breath and clenched her fists by her side, unable to watch the woman walking a head of her, too terrified to wonder at what was going on inside her mind.

"Auntie Serena."

She heard Jason before she realised they had reached the office and Serena had opened the door. She stopped abruptly.

"You're late."

"Yes, Jason. Sorry, we've had a very trying shift-"

"Yes, I was told about Nurse Fletcher. Is he going to be alright?"

"I don't know, Jason. But I hope so."

She glanced about the room. Coffee cups from earlier, sandwich wrappers with half a sandwich still in the paper. _Bernie..._

The room smelled faintly of warm cheese.

"Let me just get cleared up here and we can be on our way."

"Let me do it."

Bernie's shoulder brushed accidentally against her own as she pushed past her, moving to the desk.

"It's fine. You get off-"

"I can tidy up my own mess, Serena."

"I can do it!"

Serena's voice was louder than expected, strained with panic, her brown eyes wide.

There was a moment of uneasy silence, a pause whilst Bernie glanced from the mess she had left to Jason who was watching them, expressionless.

All of a sudden Serena was moving again, gathering cups and packets, dropping grated cheese onto the carpet and swearing to herself before reaching the bin. She pushed down on the peddle with her foot, the lid juddered slightly but refused to open. She stepped on it with more force. Nothing.

"What have you done to my bin?"

She asked sharply, refusing to look back at Bernie, cringing at the feel of damp stale bread between her fingers.

"I wasn't aware that the bin was yours, specifically"

Came the response. Serena raised an eyebrow, she could hear the other woman moving closer, could almost feel the warmth of her even from this distance. _How hot her lips had been..._

"What makes you think I've done something to it?"

She was right behind her now, looking over her shoulder.

"Auntie Serena says you quite often break things. She also says you are very messy. I can see that now."

Jason offered, his voice grating on Serena more than ever before. _Jason._ She pursed her lips into a stiff white line. _If he would just...go away._ She regretted the thought immediately.

"Does she now!"

Bernie's voice was almost a laugh. Serena drew in an unsteady breath.

"It's not opening."

She said simply, removing her foot from the peddle.

"Have you pressed the peddle correctly?"

Bernie asked, trying it with her own foot to no avail.

"I'm not a complete imbecile."

Serena murmured. She could feel the brush of Bernie's scrubs against her own, just gently, sending goosebumps across the skin of her forearms.

"Why don't you just lift the lid with your hand?"

"Because it's supposed to open the other way!"

There was a tension in her voice, a high note of panic that was almost untraceable and to her horror she felt the prick of tears in her eyes and a sore lump lodge itself firmly in her throat.

Bernie hesitated, torn between embracing her and the knowledge that Jason was watching them, analysing them...every movement, every word, touch...

She cleared her throat.

"My niece has one of those bins where you wave your hand at it, or something, and the bin lid opens automatically."

An attempt at levity.  
"Wow."

Serena choked out. One word laced with so much sarcasm.  
"I promise you, it's really good. Kept her toddlers entertained for hours."

Bernie was flailing now, she knew it, jabbering on about something that was neither helpful nor relevant.

"Ah yes, a bin full of germ ridden rubbish, the perfect toy for the under 4's."

Serena was still clutching the rubbish in her hands, and every so often more strands of flaking dried cheese would fall to her feet.  
"Perhaps we could go round and see it?"

Jason asked, his voice loud and jarring in the small room.

"I'm sorry?"

Bernie asked, not following.

"The bin"

He clarified, and Bernie let out a breathy laugh of confusion.

"It's not _that_ good."  
"Really good but not that good?"

He asked, frowning.

"Really good for a bin, but not really good for an evening out."

She said slowly.

"You should learn to be clearer about what you mean."

He said, his frown dissipating as quickly as it had appeared.

"As interesting as this conversation is, we really should be getting home. Dinner isn't going to cook itself."

Serena interrupted the moment, opening the bin with her hand, pulling back the lid with stiff, jerky movements. She let the rubbish fall into the bin, suddenly overcome with the ridiculous realisation that Bernie's lips had been on the rim of that cardboard coffee cup just as they had been upon hers only minutes earlier. She snatched her hands back as though she had been scalded, holding them tightly to her chest before turning to face Jason.

"Ready?"

She feigned a smile.

"Yes. Goodbye Bernie."

Jason opened the office door, grinning widely as he passed Bernie by, oblivious to the strained look behind her eyes, or the way she reached out to grasp Serena's wrist only briefly, the words she wanted to say catching in her throat.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Serena said quietly, weakly, speaking to their hands, her eyes lowered.

"Goodnight."

She added, pulling her arm from the other woman's grasp, leaving the office with only the whisper of Bernie's 'Goodnight' in reply behind her.

-.-

This is my first attempt at a Bernie/Serena story. I've only been watching them for a few episodes, though have watched all of their scenes together, so please let me know what you think of the characterization.

Reviews very welcome! I'd love to hear what you think, and whether or not you would like to see more. Thank you in advance xxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Serena**

Serena lay in bed, exhausted but unable to sleep. She lay on her right side in the dark, eyes closed, her jaw set, frown creasing her forehead.

It was 2AM and she was doing everything she could think of; deep breathing, trying to relax her body from her toes upwards, focusing on each part of herself, but each and every thought was fragmented and disjointed, broken up into pieces by thoughts of Bernie.

They had kissed! She gave a moan of despair into the pillow and shuffled down further beneath the duvet cover so that the lower half of her face disappeared.

How had it happened? She replayed the moment over and over, had she been the one to glance to Bernie's lips first? Had it been her that had inadvertently given Bernie cause to think she had _wanted_ to be kissed?! She hesitated. Had she wanted to be kissed, she wondered?

She couldn't bring herself to answer that question. When she thought about it her head felt heavy and dull, her body tensed and she felt a shudder of panic begin to unfurl itself within the very pit of her stomach, taking her over, a painful seeping fluttering panic that stretched out into every limb and rendered her useless and incapable.

She wanted to scream. Where would their friendship go from here? Would they have a friendship left? What if they became more? She couldn't possibly make love to a woman?! She felt herself balk at the thought and a flush crept over her, warming her beneath the covers, smothering her. To make love, to Bernie...

She reached for her phone, her fingers hovering over the reply button on a recent text from Bernie.

As she held the phone it vibrated in her hand. She jumped, her whole body shivering cold before she looked. A message had appeared above the box where she was about to type.

 _Bernie – Can we talk?_

Talk now? Tomorrow? Was she lying in bed like Serena was now, terrified and mortified all at once? Worrying herself in circles.

She sighed. Closed her eyes. Had she seen this coming? She thought back over the weeks, from the first moment she had met her. She admired her, of course she did! She respected her, she enjoyed working with her, enjoyed her friendship... but something about their friendship had always seemed special, different somehow? As though the air about them glittered and sparkled and time slowed down to the beat of a heart. The lingering touches, shoulders brushing against one another, the longer than usual glances.

She sighed.

Was she attracted to her physically? In her minds eye Bernie was smiling now, arms folded, wearing a black shirt, her sleeves rolled up to her elbows. She had always found that attractive, she realised, the sleeves rolled up, exposing her forearms – there was something about her pale skin taught over flexing tendons.

Her mind travelled higher, to the V of her shirt at her flushed throat, to her face, something about the way her hair was always ruffled and unkempt was endearing. It matched her personality.

And her face...She drew in a breath. Those wide set brown eyes, beautiful cheekbones and wide pink lips. She was attractive, she conceded, very attractive...but sexually?! She felt herself blush into the dark again. She couldn't imagine it, sex with a woman?! She wouldn't know where to start. Sex with Bernie... the thought mulled about inside her head, over and over. C _ould_ she have sex with Bernie?

Her whole body felt numb, as it does before you faint. Weak and frail and light-headed.

She thought of the kiss again, how the other woman's lips had been so soft and hot, how she had tasted, how she had smelled. It made her heart beat just that little bit faster, and a low steady ache of excitement began to burn within her.

What would they say? Their colleagues, their friends! They would expect it of Bernie, perhaps. But of herself?!

How easy it was for them to leave this life when they left work for the day, this life that could feel so present and permanent that departing from it seemed to require a tear into a different dimension.

The department was full of them, nurses, doctors, F1s... the list was endless, an endless stream of 20-somethings to 30-somethings. Would it be so outrageous if she were to behave like one of them?! Morven, Dom, even Raf and Fletch (she balked at the thought of his name, trying desperately not to recall the days events) how they had their lives and shared houses full of prints and favourite photographs of friends, ready meals and dried flowers, throw rugs and stereos. House plants, a lamp, maybe some furniture brought up by encouraging parents. They nested there like miniature grown ups, life tinged with brushfire friendships and drink-addled intimacies, gorging on knowledge and blind sexual indulgences.

No one would blink an eye if it were one of them...one of the young ones. How different life was now.

How could she be so old and still not know herself? Those private years of intense adolescent reading and music-fuelled writing in her journal had made her sure she was full of maturity—of a certain unusual, and in its way impressive, emotional self-assurance. She had an alert awareness of what people were like. And yet Bernie was still enchanting in her unknowableness; she smiled at such a ridiculous word, and then all at once her smile disappeared.

Things had changed so quickly between them that she barely knew what to think any more, let alone what to expect when she arrived at work in the morning.

But then things changed all the time - abruptly, unpredictably, and often for no good reason. But knowing that didn't do you that much good, apparently.

 **Bernie**

She sat on the edge of the bed in the dark, just a dark shape against an even darker background.

Her phone was next to her, blank in the night, and though she gazed at the shadow of her hands between her knees, out of the corner of her eye she could see the moon reflected in the screen, and she couldn't help but wish that it would light up with a reply from Serena. Anything...even if she was angry, or upset, confused...anything would be better than this, this...

She threw her head back, eyes closed, hair tickling the back of her neck. She was naked in the sticky heat of the room and yet she felt cold, as if she were in shock. She was exhausted, and yet she couldn't sleep. She had always found that emotional exhaustion crippled her far more than physical exertion.

How could she have done something so ridiculous! She let her head fall back down and let out a laugh of bitter embarrassment. If she had ruined their friendship she would never forgive herself. Serena meant so much to her. So much...more than she had realised.

It was like a war zone in her own head, just blowing, blinding sand and rubble and IEDs.

How had this happened? She was halfway through her life, and as far as she could tell, the real lesson of the past wasn't that she had made mistakes, but that she hadn't made nearly enough of them. She imagined herself lying on her deathbed in forty or fifty years, congratulating herself on the fact that she had never had sex in an aeroplane, or patting herself on the back for all those years of involuntary celibacy. If recent experience was any guide, she would probably be lying in that hospital bed with her body full of tubes, sneaking glances at the beautiful doctor tending to her needs, wishing that she hadn't been such a coward. Wishing she'd taken more risks, made more mistakes, and accumulated more regrets. Just wishing she'd lived when she had the chance.

So what was she supposed to do now? Profess her love for Serena? Because she did love Serena, didn't she? She couldn't help but smile at the mere thought of it...her.

She'd never admitted it to herself before. She'd felt it, the slow burn of it, but she'd never dared name it.

These past few months seemed to have taken place on quicksand. She had seemed to have aged in a decade in these months of this sliding, wavery feeling of falling in love.

She had spent enough time in earthquake country and knew the dangers of building on landfill. That was, it seemed, the best description of the situation, construction on landfill. What was there to count on in any of it? What structure would remain, founded on that?

She seemed to have spent week upon week just staring, gazing at Serena. Falling in love at first sight. So she had to stare. That's what you do when you're falling in love at first sight. You go into soft focus, nothing else matters.

She felt weak for the first time in years. Battered down by the divorce, Alex...and now this! After all, what was adult life but one moment of weakness piled on top of another? Most people just fell in line like obedient little children, doing exactly what society expected of them at any given moment, all the while pretending that they'd actually made some sort of choice.

Had it been a choice to kiss Serena? She didn't think so. Kissing her just then felt perfectly normal and completely self-explanatory, the only possible course of action. And once you've broken through that invisible barrier that separates one person from another, you're connected forever, whether you liked it or not.

And hadn't Serena kissed her back! There had been that moment of hesitation, just a tiny moment when Serena had pulled back with the most beautiful expression on her face that Bernie had ever seen. Her lips were parted, her cheeks flushed pink, her brown eyes wide. And then she had kissed her back. Even now, Bernie could still feel the tug of the other woman's fingers against her arms, pulling her closer, closer...how she had kissed her with everything she had, with a surprising hunger and desperation that she never would have imagined before.

She wanted her, in a simple, primitive way. She wanted Serena, all of Serena, her smile, her dry wit, her laugh...she wanted to become a part of her.

After all, that was why people get involved with other people, wasn't it? Not just for their bodies, but for everything else, too – their dreams and their scars and their stories.

She just wanted Serena, for as long as they both should live.

-.-

Thank you so much for the lovely reviews on the first chapter. I hope this doesn't disappoint. I will continue if you'd like to see more :) reviews welcome as always! xxx


	3. Chapter 3

_**This update includes scenes from the recent episode, which will then continue on into more original story. Some of the scenes from the latest episode have had various bits added to them.**_

"Hold the lift!"

 _Oh God..._ The sound of her voice alone was enough to send a splintering feeling from the very soles of her feet to the top of her head. She felt cold, then hot, then as though she might suddenly shatter into a thousand pieces right there on the floor of the lift, and all this before Bernie Wolfe had even walked through the doors.

"Morning"

There was a brief falter in the blonde's step as she realised it was Serena, and Serena alone, who was waiting for her.

"Morning..."

Serena cleared her throat, her voice low, eyes averted.

There was a pause as the lift doors closed. The air hung heavy and smothering between them. Out of the corner of her eye Serena could see the twisting of Bernie's fingers as she wrung her hands together against her chest. She swallowed, her throat dry, the noise of her swallow sounding ever so loud within her own head.

Bernie drew in a sudden intake of breath before exhaling.

"I hope today's not going to see a repeat of yesterday"

She said slowly. Still her hands twisted, her knuckles showing white beneath her pale skin.

""No...wh-why? Do you want it to? I mean, I for one don't go around kissing work colleagues as a matter of course..."

She squinted and focused her eyes on the illuminated numbers above the lift door, tilting forward slightly on the balls of her feet, willing the lift to go faster.

"Oh oh! No, I meant...I thought we could all do with a bit of a break..."

She felt Bernie glance at her, if only for the briefest of moments, but still she felt the panic begin to rise so that all she could hear was the blood pulsing between her ears and the irritating tickle of embarrassment in her limbs. She wanted to run, and keep running.

"Yeah..."

It was an exhale.

"I knew that was what you meant, that was just my little bit of a joke...there."

She couldn't focus on the words that she was saying, eyes widening as the lift slowed, stopped, and somebody else entered. A nurse she recognised from the ED, what was her name again? Something beginning with N...?

"How's Fletch?"

Bernie's sudden question made her wince. Back to business, back to business... _focus..._

"Uh, yes. All signs indicate that he is recovering well from surgery, and there's no indication that the sepses has returned."

"So it's time?"

Bernie's fingers stilled for a fraction of a second, seeming to mirror her thought process.

"Yep."

The lift stopped again and the nurse whose name she had failed to recall stepped out. Once again they were alone.

"I'd like to be there, though. If..."

"Yes..of course, of course."

Her words were choked and barely sounded out in the hollow box of a room.

"Thanks..."

Bernie glanced down at herself, to where she could see her toes wiggle in the front of her soft black boots.

Then suddenly she was speaking again, without ever really having meant to.

"...looks like I might have a patient with a pseudo-anuerism of the splenic artery. You don't see one of those everyday!"

She attempted a smile but her lips felt dry and instead she cleared her throat and tugged on the thin skin of her hands. Serena was still intent on watching the numbers above the door as it neared its destination and finally, finally the doors opened and she was able to exhale the breath she felt as though she had been holding onto since the moment Bernie entered the lift.

"No, no, no that's true...well! Good luck with that then."

She gushed all at once, not looking back as she hurried from the lift, willing herself to be able to walk properly, knowing that the blonde would be watching her go.

The day seemed to be full of moments like that, a day that was slowly exhausting Serena each and every time, reminding her of how very little sleep she had had the night before.

Moments that had her willing the day to hurry by.

"Serena, um...the lift? By which I mean, the awkwardness that happened when we were both in...when you were there. Um.."

Serena grimaced. She could feel the blonde walking quickly behind her.

"Was it awkward? I can't say I noticed."

She sighed, stopping abruptly at the door of the office. Bernie sucked in a breath and tilted her head to one side.

"I wanted to talk to you...you uh, you didn't reply to my text last night?"

She spoke so quietly, her eyes on the corridor ahead that Serena had to lean forwards slightly to hear her.

"Oh I haven't looked at my phone since...yesterday."

She lied, narrowing her eyes at the floor.

"I hope, you're not worrying about...what happened..."

Bernie ventured quietly, surprised when Serena laughed out loud at her words.

"I love the way you assume that this is all new to me."

She paused, finally making eye contact.

"For your information, I have once kissed a woman, at a party...in Stepney, so our little dalliance is really quite old hat."

She was smiling that smile and it was all Bernie could do to nod mutely for a moment before responding.

"Oh ok, good! Well, I'm glad to hear it."

She found herself nodding again and stopped abruptly, suddenly remembering the tablet she held in her hand.

"So!"

Serena placed a hand on the door to the office, meaning to slip away.

"Back to business..."

Bernie thrust the tablet in front of her before she could make her escape.

"Right, what? What am I looking at?"

It could have been a photograph of a giraffe for all the sense her brain was making of the current situation.

"James Collins, the pseudo-anuerism of the splenic artery. Looks like it's within a hairs-width of rupturing."

As Bernie explained, Serena found her eyes wandering up from the tips of Bernie's gesturing fingers to her hand, a brief flickering thought of what those fingers could do to her fluttered teasingly across her mind.

"I think we should get him in ASAP and do a repair as quickly as possible. Any thoughts?"

Bernie asked when Serena failed to respond.

"Oh, well you don't need my permission to schedule a necessary procedure, so..."

"I thought you might want to jump in as an interested colleague and...and friend?"

Bernie cocked her head to one side as she asked, brown eyes wide, watching Serena's face with fearful curiosity.

"Um, probably best take care of yourself, it...take care of it...yourself...I'm very very busy."

All at once the blush was creeping up across Serena's cheeks and she pushed down on the door handle, disappearing into the office and closing the door before Bernie could properly register what was happening. She stood for a moment, her arm still outstretched, holding the tablet.

"Right...ok. Good."

She murmured out loud, turning slowly, not hearing the quiet thump against the office door as Serena collapsed back against it, her face in her hands, wishing herself anywhere but here, in this hospital...this body.

-.-

"Only you could pull off the impossible task of being the talk of the hospital without actually being awake..."

She drew in a deep breath through her nose, shoulders rising and falling suddenly as she exhaled.

"Mind you..."

She gazed unseeing at the computer screen beside Fletch's bedside.

"You're probably doing me a favour, Lord knows what they would be talking about otherwise."

She smiled to herself and raised her gaze towards the ceiling.

You'd think I'd be old enough to know better wouldn't you! I mean how many F1s have I schooled to keep work and love life separate?!"

She sighed again and made her way from the screens to the other side of the bed, taking a torch from the nearby shelf and shining it into Fletch's eyes, almost without thinking, checking for any response...

"And then I go and break my own rule."

She choked back a laugh.

"...with Bernie Wolfe of all people..."

She hesitated suddenly, drawing her hands back from Fletch, the torch held tightly within her right hand.

"Serena Campbell...lesbian..."

The words seemed almost laughable coming from her mouth, and she expelled a breath through parted lips and rolled her eyes. Ridiculous... _she_ was ridiculous.

She set the torch back onto the shelf with a clatter and made her way to the foot of the bed, snatching up Fletch's notes, looking at them without seeing.

"When this gets out it will be all over the hospital like a rash. Especially if Ric Griffin gets hold of it."

She paused, suddenly very aware that she was speaking to herself.

"Oh! And then I have to go and lie!"

She looked across at Fletch, lifeless and attached to tubes.

"I didn't kiss a girl in Stepney..."

She paused, frowned.

"I've never even been to Stepney."

-.-

"Oh uh, how's he doing?"

Bernie. Bernie again! Bernie and her endearing stutter. Serena clenched and unclenched her fists by her sides. This woman seemed to know exactly where she was at any given moment.

"He's not speaking quite as quickly as usual, but he'll get there."

They moved in unison along the corridor towards their office.

"Good old Fletch."

"Yes. Morven is letting Raf and the kids know."

"Oh, the children will be over the moon."

Bernie held the take away coffee cup to her chest, interlinking her fingers.

"I can't imagine what they must have been thinking. Especially having lost their mother."

Serena sighed, her arm brushing against Bernie's as she made way for a nurse to pass by, and she willed herself to be able to think of something else to say...anything...

"So...a splenic artery aneurysm repair? That's ambitious even for someone of your talents."

She smiled a tight smile, wondering what on earth she was going to do with her hands when they eventually stopped by the door.

"I didn't think you were interested."

Bernie glanced at her as they slowed to a stand still and Serena looked immediately down to the floor.

"No, well, I might have been too busy wishing myself dead to act professionally."

As soon as she spoke she realised how her words must sound.

"Oh I didn't, I didn't mean that...it's, it's..."

Serena turned to look up at Bernie, her back to the office door. Her eyes were wide and her hands were trembling so much that she had to squeeze them together to try to stop them.

"This...this isn't easy for me...you...I haven't ever...you're the fir-"

She exhaled with defeat. She couldn't seem to draw in enough air, and the air she did manage to breathe in was thin and useless and made her feel as though she might just faint right there at Bernie's feet. She swallowed.

"I've never been more than friends with a woman before and you've terrified the life out of me. Happy?"

She asked, her voice fading away.

Bernie looked momentarily confused.

"Well...what happened to the lucky lady in um...Stratford? Stevenage?"

"Stepney."

"Right."

"Um, yep, that was a lie to um, to save my blushes. It was idiotic of me I know."

She rolled her eyes at herself and a nurse passed them by so that Bernie was forced to edge closer.

"Well."

There was a smile on her lips as she tucked a hair behind her ear and glanced behind herself to check that the corridor was clear."

"If I promise not to turn theatre into a sapphic angst fest, will you lend a hand?"

She asked quietly, still smiling. Serena exhaled with relief, her whole body seeming to fall in on itself.

"I'd be glad to."

She whispered with a nod.

-.-

And then in,theatre she had felt absurdly happy. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep making her delirious, perhaps it was the way whenever she and Bernie operated together everything was seamless, easy...as though they were two halves of the same person. Or perhaps it was that she was filled with hope and excitement about what may come next now that Bernie had accepted her invitation for a drink.

And indeed whilst she sat in her office awaiting Bernie's arrival she felt the same feeling, of a delightful sense of anticipation, like a dose of warm honey, creeping through the veins.

She ran a finger across the bases of both wine glasses, ran her hands across her thighs and turned to look about the room. The chair by the door caught her eye, and as she heard footsteps approaching she reached over and tugged the chair closer to the corner of her desk.

The door opened and Bernie slipped through it, looking beautiful in her white shirt and black trousers. More beautiful than she had remembered, Serena thought briefly as she held up a hand.

"Close the door."

She instructed, leaning over to reach for the bottle of Shiraz she had hidden beneath the desk.

Without a word Bernie closed the door, hovering for a moment before turning to see Serena holding up a wine glass and bottle.

"Drinking in the hospital...you _are_ a rebel..."

She spoke quietly and Serena smiled, tilting her head to one side as she began to pour the wine.

"Takes one to know one."

She smiled.

"My kinda girl..."

Bernie murmured, watching how the light caught the brilliant deep red of the wine in the bowl of the glass, and how elegantly the other woman held it.

"If you're trying to tie me in knots then-"

"No, Serena...Serena...that's the last thing...I want."

She moved slowly to sit down.

"I..."

She cleared her throat, feeling that at any moment her voice would just give out altogether.

"I...kissed you because I wanted to, and beyond that I wasn't really thinking."

She sat down, arranging herself stiffly in the seat, knowing full well that Serena's eyes were upon her now.

"Me neither. Needless to say."

For a moment Bernie wondered if the other woman was going to simply keep filling the glass she held until the wine began to overflow into her lap. But as the thought struck her it seemed to strike Serena too and she glanced down, replacing the bottle onto the table.

"I can see...how uncomfortable...the whole thing is making you."

She was pausing so that she didn't stumble over her words. So that she would realise herself what she was saying, because God help her she needed to make herself believe that this was the best thing to do...

"So..."

She paused, unable to look at how the smile wavered and began to disappear from Serena's beautiful, perfect lips.

"I think...we should toast to our undeniable sexual chemistry..."

The smile flickered back across Serena's lips, and it took every ounce of strength for Bernie to say what she had to say next.

"And say no more about it."

Serena swallowed, paused, and raised her glass to her lips.

"Y-y-you want to forget it ever happened?"

It was her turn to falter over her words. She took a large gulp of wine and swallowed, her throat aching painfully as she forced it down too quickly.

There was a pause. Bernie gave an almost invisible shake of her head, as if her body were trying to convey a message that was the complete opposite to the words that were coming out of her mouth.

"Well...I think it's wise?"

She smiled nervously.

"Me, messy divorce."

She gestured to herself and then, limply, to Serena.

"You...dyed in the wool heterosexual...as romances go it's a bit of a non-starter."

She said eventually, hearing Serena laugh slightly and realising that she had been speaking directly to the other woman's chest.

She raised her gaze, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes...it's not exactly Mills and Boon is it."

Serena laughed stiffly once more, taking another sip of wine.

Bernie smiled. She was exhausted from pretending that none of this mattered, that their kiss had been something that had just happened in the heat of the moment...something that they should forget, when every part of her wanted to reach across to Serena, grasp hold of her and tell her how she made every day better just by being in it.

Instead she looked up, across at the beautiful brown eyes watching her from above the sparkle of the wine glass and she smiled a smile that never quite made it to her eyes.

"We do make a great team though?"

It was a question that didn't need answering.

She raised her glass, offering it out, at a loss for what else to do, and desperate to leave, to go home, to bed, to cry, to do whatever it was she needed to do to get this woman out of her system.

"Here's to keeping it confined to theatre."

She said at last, allowing their glasses to clink together briefly before pulling away again and standing up, unable to look back at Serena as she left the space next to her, setting her glass down firmly upon her own desk, leaving behind Serena whose heart felt as though it had fallen out of her chest and was now lying, dying, a pulpy mass at her feet.

-.-

And now here she was...the day over, in bed, where she couldn't sleep despite how tired she was, because whenever she closed her eyes Bernie lit up like a flare behind her eyelids and it was all she could do not to whisper her name into the dark.

She opened her eyes again and stared at the ceiling. It was like when you awake from a nightmare, she decided, and you just can't stop thinking about it no matter how hard you try. Not that she was likening Bernie to a nightmare, not at all. Far from it in fact. Oh perhaps that wasn't it after all. It was a funny sort of madness that had overcome her. She just could not bring herself to think of anything except Bernie. How beautiful she had looked earlier whilst she had broken her heart...

She could feel her heart beat quickening now, her breath catching until she felt light headed, and in the madness that is 3AM she got up suddenly before she could second guess herself. She threw back the bed covers, and staggered about with much more purpose than she had expected of herself. She pushed her feet into her slippers out of habit and looked down at herself. Her pyjama bottoms would do, loose black trousers that would hardly gain any attention. After all, how many people were likely to be up at this time. She tugged a thin jumper over her pyjama top and opened the door, holding her breath, waiting, listening for Jason stirring. Nothing. She breathed out slowly, silently, and hurried on her way, downstairs, to the back door, snatching her keys, her phone and pushing them into the pockets of her coat that she pulled about her, buttoning it up as she left the house, closing the door softly behind her.

Once outside she huffed out a breath, despite the heat of the day, the air at her lips turned white and she shivered. Above her the stars shimmered and glittered, and from somewhere in the distance the gentle hum of an aeroplane was the only sound to be heard.

She moved slowly across the gravel, being careful to be as quiet as possible, unlocked the car and slipped into the front seat, pulling the door closed behind her.

The noise of the engine starting made her wince, and she gritted her teeth, keeping one eye on Jason's bedroom window, watching for a light coming on as she reversed from the drive and out onto the road.

But still the room remained in darkness, and it was only when she was on her way down the road that it really hit her...what she was doing. She glanced to the clock. 3:07AM. She laughed out loud at the ludicrousness of what she was doing.

Whatever would Bernie think?!

She decided very quickly that she didn't care. She wasn't about to send herself insane with lack of sleep and worry. This was just something she had to do. Like Mrs Dalloway, she thought...then she frowned, slowing the car at a red light. Was that Mrs Dalloway? She wondered, or was that something from the film she had seen the other night? _The Hours?_ She shook her head. Suddenly she couldn't remember because once again her breath caught in her throat and Bernie was there in the forefront of her mind, smiling...making her smile.

She drove for ten minutes, though it seemed like longer, and she found that she was sitting forwards in her seat, as though she were willing it to go faster though she daren't break the speed limit.

The car park of the hotel was surprisingly full. She pulled up into a space further away than she would have liked, and popped open the door, hurrying as quickly as she could to the entrance, slipped through the doors and then stopped abruptly.

What on earth was she doing?! The large clock above reception looked back at her. It was nearly 3:20 in the morning and she was out, leaving Jason on her own, about to wake Bernie up from a much needed sleep.

She hesitated, flexed her fingers, a hum escaped her throat and she glanced to her right, to the lifts.

"Can I help you?"

A voice from reception interrupted her unravelling. She blinked, swallowed, cleared her throat.

"Uh..."

She was already walking forwards with more purpose than she felt.

"Could you tell me which room Berenice Wolfe is staying in...please?"

She touched her fingers to the reception desk and then retracted them quickly. The young man behind the counter cocked his head to one side and regarded her with slightly narrowed eyes.

"And you are...?"

"Oh! Uh. Serena Campbell. We're friends, I mean...work colleagues. Work colleagues and also...friends. We um, we work shifts, hence the out of hours visitation."

She sighed at herself, what on earth must she sound like. Or look like for that matter! She didn't remember checking a mirror before she left.

"Room 12, first floor, just take the lift to your right."

The boy said without more than a glance to his computer screen after tapping in Bernie's name.

"Thank you...thank you."

Serena sucked in a breath, gave a quivering smile and hurried off towards the lift.

Once inside she let herself collapse back against the far wall. She let her head fall back against cool metal, her eyes closed and she tried to steady her breathing, focusing on that rather than the rampant reeling of the thoughts inside her head.

The lift barely gave her a moment to recover from her madness however, almost as soon as it had begun it's ascent it had stopped again and the doors were opening, giving her barely a moment to flinch at the memory of their earlier lift journey together.

She stepped out into the carpeted hallway, glancing to her left, the hallway ran up towards a long window, out of which she could see the moon and the blinking light of an aeroplane. Oh to be up among the stars right now rather than here upon the earth, barely able to breathe.

She counted her steps to Bernie's door, glancing up wide eyed at every number as she passed it by, until she stood in front of the dark brown door with the silver numbers at eye level.

12.

 _Come on old girl..._

She whispered to herself letting her eyes fall closed as she smiled to herself. And then, without a second thought, she knocked three times.

-.-

 _ **Wowstars: Thank you so much! I do plan to write a few Berena/CampWolfe one shots, too. As well as continuing this :) x**_

 _ **PopAlice007007: Thank you! There will definitely be moreX**_

 _ **jlynnsca: Thank you, I loved your comment :) x**_

 _ **Samantha: Thank you so much, especially for the bit about Jason – I was particularly worried about getting him right. X**_

 _ **Emma: That made me smile, thank you x**_

 _ **McTangoed: What a lovely thing to say! Thank you x**_

 _ **Ulxx: You'll see plenty more :) x**_

 _ **Jools1: The next chapter will be purely them talking honestly to each other... I promise lots of lovely bits too as the story goes on. I won't always give them such a hard time :) x**_

 _ **Ames78: Thank you so much x**_

 _ **Ithinkyou'rewonderful: You made me laugh. Thank you! Glad it was in the best way x**_

 _ **Vickatronic: Hello :) I will have to see if I can find your story! I would love to read it x**_

 _ **Chewiesgirlfriend: What a thoughtful comment, thank you x**_

 _ **And thank you to all of the guests who have reviewd! I love hearing what you think, so please continue to let me know! I'll update the next chapter later today xxx**_


	4. Chapter 4

The door opened far quicker than she had anticipated.

Without thinking she stepped back, her mouth opening and closing without saying a single word.

"Serena!"

 _Bernie...Bernie..._

She was back-lit by a table lamp from somewhere in the room, her face in shadow though her surprise was evident. Her hair was loose and more tousled than usual and shone a brilliant white gold in the light.

She shifted slightly, glancing up along the hallway.

"What are you doing here?! Are you alright?"

Bernie's voice was low, and as she moved into the shadow at the doors edge, Serena could see the concern that creased her face, and for one ridiculous moment all Serena wanted to do was stare. She looked different...as little make up as she wore during the day, at night, stripped of all that, she looked...different. Paler, eyes even wider.

She was rendered mute, could only focus on the white tank top and grey pyjama trousers that Bernie wore, and the half-drunk bottle of beer in Bernie's left hand that she held only by her thumb and middle fingers.

"I had to see you."

She said quickly, eyes wide, looking up at her.

"Christ, and reception let you up?"

Bernie asked before she could check herself. Again she lowered her voice, conscious of the people asleep in their beds surrounding them.

"They probably thought I was a lady of the night."

Serena laughed nervously, twisting her hands against her stomach.

Bernie nodded slowly, thoughtfully, looking her over with narrowed eyes.

"I...don't think ladies of the night wear fluffy slippers...usually?"

She smiled slowly, lowering her gaze to the other woman's feet.

Serena looked down in despair, to where her pyjama bottoms gave way to two dark pink slippers. _This wasn't how it was meant to be..._ she thought suddenly. She had made a fool of herself by coming here, even more-so because of these ridiculous slippers...

To her horror she began to cry. Her throat ached and all she could see was the cloud of glittering tears that blurred everything before her, and she couldn't help the little gasp of a sob that she emitted, standing there like the idiot that she was, crying in the middle of the corridor.

"Serena..."

Bernie reached tentatively out to her, clutching her shoulder and drawing her into the room. Serena's face crumpled, and without thinking she grasped hold of Bernie, turning so that her face pushed against the other woman's pyjama top, sobbing without anything she could do about it.

Instinctively Bernie held her tight, cradling her head, her cheek against her forehead whilst she used her toe to nudge the door closed behind them.

"Come here."

She guided the other woman gently backwards until she could ease them both so that they were sitting on the sofa, side by side, shoulders touching, Bernie's hand clasping her own upon her knee.

"I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous."

She gave a hiccup of a breath as she struggled to control herself, trying in vain to smile an apology through her tears.

"No, no, you're not being ridiculous."

Bernie answered her quietly, her voice slow, as though she were thinking each and every thing she said through before she said it. She set the bottle she was still holding down at her feet and tucked her hair behind her ear, squeezing Serena's hand with her other. It was only then, whilst watching her set her drink down that she realised that Bernie hadn't been asleep either.

"Tell me what's wrong?"

Bernie asked, and Serena found herself laughing abruptly, almost hysterically. Such a simple question!

"I'm scared!"

She laughed again, and then stopped as abruptly as she had begun. She looked across at Bernie with eyes that sparkled with tears that had yet to fall.

"Terrified actually..."

She admitted with a sigh, and she looked down at their hands, to those beautiful hands of Bernie's. How many lives those fingers had saved, how many hearts she had held within her palms. She could only hope that she would treat her own heart with such care...

"Of what?"

Again Bernie squeezed her hand and Serena drew in a long breath through her nose and gave a shake of her head.

"Oh!..of...of...you! Hurting you, losing you...disappointing you..."

She sighed, but before Bernie could continue she was speaking again...

"Oh, I know it's silly of me, but I'm terrified of what people will think. I daren't imagine the gossiping, the comments, the looks...and that's just from the people that we work with! Not to mention my friends...my family...your family, what on earth will they think?! Jason...Eleanor..."

She was increasing speed and struggling to catch her breath.

"It's such a huge...it's such a massive...'thing'! I can't get my head around it. Everything is just..."

She waved a hand about her head to further her point.

"And I know the world has come a long way from when you and I were young, but it's not exactly as though people aren't going to...to..? And...and..."

She blushed furiously all of a sudden.

"Sex!"

She laughed again, an unexpected 'Ha!' of a laugh that made Bernie jump.

"Kissing you is one thing. I can do that, I know how to do that. I enjoyed doing that! Oh, I enjoyed it so much...I just...I wouldn't...I don't..."

She tailed off leaving Bernie wide eyed and open mouthed.

"Are you planning on finishing any of these sentences?"

She asked, her voice alone seeming to bring Serena back down to earth. Serena with her eyes so wide and scared and her pulse that ticked at the base of her flushed throat.

"I wouldn't know what to...what to do...with..."

She puffed out her cheeks and then deflated, looking down at the floor between her feet. _Oh those fucking slippers._ Dear God, what sort of woman forgets to put on shoes...a mad woman...that's what she had become. She had become the sort of woman who goes to other peoples houses at three in the morning wearing slippers...who cries and laughs and makes a bloody fool of herself...

"What to do with what?"

Bernie coaxed her when she failed to continue. Serena raised her eyebrows and gave a shrug.

"You..your body..."

Bernie couldn't help but laugh out loud, her low bark of a laugh that never failed to amuse Serena, even now.

"You make it sound as though you're going to cut me up into pieces and dispose of me!"

"Well! At least I would know how to do that!"

Serena paused, and Bernie raised her eyebrows.

"The cutting you up bit, I mean."

She ventured slowly, looking across at the bemused expression upon the blonde's face.

"Not your best chat up line, Ms Campbell."

She said softly, running her thumb across the rise of Serena's knuckles.

"No...no."

Serena pinched the bridge of her nose and lowered her eyes to her lap, releasing a sigh.

"I feel as though I might be a dreadful disappointment..."

She raised her eyes, willing the other woman to just...make this all _better_.

"In the bedroom. I mean, I'm hardly in shape and it's not as though I have any experience..."

It was Bernie's turn to glance away, still smiling.

"I think you'll be just fine."

She whispered.

Serena looked at her, breathing in and out as though it was the most difficult task in the world.

"When did you know?"

She asked, changing the subject so quickly that Bernie failed to follow.

"When did I know what?"

"That you...that you might... _like_ me."

Bernie smiled again and looked down at the brown shadow of the bottle on the carpet, how it trembled in the light just like Serena was trembling beneath her palm.

"Oh, I think it just grew from the moment we first met."

She said eventually, meeting Serena's eyes again, head tilted to one side, the light illuminating her so beautifully in that moment that if there had been any doubt of how she felt before, this would have been the clarifying moment. As it was, the light on her face and the ever so slight smile at the corners of her mouth, and those eyes just made her feel everything even more deeply.

"The slow burn..."

Serena murmured, thinking back over the past few months.

"Something like that. There have certainly been enough longing looks."

Bernie paused and bit at the flesh of her bottom lip before speaking again.

"My fingers...those black trousers that I wear sometimes..."

"You've noticed!?"

Serena's eyes widened even further and the blush that was already making her entirely too hot was throbbing wildly against her cheeks.

"Of course I've noticed. You weren't the only one gazing. Those floaty shirts you wear just ghost about every curve on your body...and don't get me started on the back of your neck..."

Bernie laughed quietly and Serena coughed slightly.

"What about the back of my neck!?"

She asked, alarmed, but Bernie merely pursed her lips and gave a shake of her head, then with a breath she eased herself back against the sofa, curling her legs up and drawing Serena back with her hands to follow her.

"Serena?"

She paused again, waiting for the other woman to look at her.

"Yes?"

"All of these things that you're worried about...or, afraid of, they are solvable you know? We can talk through everything, step by step. Or rather point by point. If that's what you need?"

Serena was looking at her, her lips pressed together.

"But I'm not entirely sure where I stand? Am I to understand that you do _want_ to give this a chance?"

She gestured with a limp hand between the two of them.

"I don't feel I have any choice in the matter!"

Serena whispered, choked and rolling her eyes in despair.

"Serena, you always have a choice, I would never force you to-"

"No, no that's not what I meant."

Serena drew in a steadying breath.

"What I mean is that...when I catch a glimpse of you walking across a room I feel as though my entire body is being...is being lit up! I feel giddy and breathless just being near you, and God help me if you touch me, or brush against me. And when you smile, I just...it aches, inside."

She pushed her fist against her heart, struggling against the tears once more.

"When you're not around, you're all I think about, and when you give me that look..."

She glanced up, instinctively she knew how Bernie would be looking at her right now, her head to one side, eyes narrowed, regarding her through her fringe, lips pursed.

" _That look._ I feel as though I can't breathe. That's what I mean, when I say I don't have a choice. Because I don't have any choice in how I feel about you, and I can't not do anything about it..."

She laughed softly.

"I can't even speak properly..."

She paused again, realising that once again she hadn't been clear.

"I would like very much to give this a chance."

Bernie raised her eyebrows.

"Right!"

She cleared her throat.

"Well...I um, I."

"That is of course, if you would like to...if not then that's perfectly alright. Obviously...I wouldn't dream of-"

"Serena."

Serena stopped abruptly, biting off her own words at the laugh behind her own name. Bernie raised a hand to push her fringe from her eyes and simply took hold of Serena's hands that she had balled into fists against her chest.

"I am completely, and utterly, in love with you."

She spoke slowly, and then paused, letting the words sink in, watching the colour slowly rise once more across her chest, neck and up to her cheeks,

"And I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of my days proving that to you."

She cleared her throat, smiling at herself, she hadn't expected to be tearful herself. She rolled her eyes and laughed a silent laugh as she squeezed Serena's hands in hers.

"Oh...!"

It was barely a whisper, barely anything but a noise in the back of Serena's throat as Bernie leant forwards and kissed her perfectly upon the lips.

-.-

 **The reviews I've had for this so far have been so lovely, thank you so much! I wasn't entirely happy with this chapter, but I will endeavour to make the next better. Speaking of which, the next chapter will be much sweeter, and the kiss will be continued. xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

Well! I think we all need a little cheering up after THAT trailer...

-.-

She kissed her so softly, once, twice, and then pulled away.

Serena's eyes remained closed for a moment longer before releasing a breath, her body finally, finally relaxing.

She cleared her throat and smiled, looking down between them, her face lowered, then cautiously she looked back up to find Bernie's smile and her kind brown eyes looking back at her with that look... _that_ look...

"That's twice I've kissed you, I think it's your turn now, don't you?"

Bernie was so close that her breath whispered between them, buffeting between their lips. Serena laughed a silent laugh and felt the glow of her cheeks as she raised an eyebrow.

"I think if you recall correctly you'll remember that I kissed you back in theatre..."

"Damn right you did."

Bernie gave a slight purse of her lips against a smile and raised a hand to smooth a hair away from Serena's eyes, her own eyes intent on watching the path her fingers made, marveling at how she could do it at all; how she _could_ touch Serena in such an intimate way, after months of wishing it.

"So, what now?"

She asked quietly, letting the tips of her index and middle fingers brush against the other woman's lips.

"Hmm?"

Serena hummed, distracted by the light in Bernie's eyes and the touch of her fingers upon her mouth.

"It's four o'clock in the morning."

Bernie said, as though that explained her previous question. She was searching Serena's face with a look that made the other woman glance away.

Serena pulled back slowly. _If only she could stay...what would happen if she stayed?_

"I suppose I should get back to Jason. If he wakes up to find I'm not there, goodness knows what he will think has happened!"

She said slowly, regretting pulling away the moment she felt Bernie's hands slip down the length of her arms, her skin shriveling and cooling instantly. She caught hold of her hands tightly, holding her fingers between them.

Bernie smiled and nodded slowly, looking down to their fingers. She'd known what was coming.

"I wish you could stay."

She breathed, knowing she shouldn't say it, but saying it nonetheless. She raised a hand again to rub her thumb across Serena's cheek, coaxing her to look up at her.

"Come back to mine."

Serena spoke so suddenly that her voice gave out half-way, her sentence ending in a whisper that made her blush all the more at the unintended intent of her words.

"What?"

"Come back to mine! To talk? To Sleep...?"

She didn't even try to hide her eagerness.

"I'd have to get dressed..."

Bernie gestured to herself with a tilt of her head and a glance down at herself.

"Dressed?! I'm wearing fluffy slippers for heavens sake."

Suddenly Serena was moving away from her and smoothing herself down as though the decision had already been made. She was smiling, her pulse beat wildly in her throat and her eyes shone fiercely.

"Fine...right, OK..."

Bernie sucked in a breath and cast an eye about the room.

"...let me just get some things..."

With a nod of her head and a backward glance she was moving away and disappearing into what Serena could only assume was the bedroom.

Serena flexed her hands by her sides. This wasn't at all how she had imagined the evening would play out. She smiled again to herself, feeling that age old prickle of excitement that seemed to emanate straight from her heart and seep out into every part of her, like a green vine spreading through her, stretching fine tendrils, bearing flowers through her flesh. Every inch of her was alive in this moment.

And then, all at once, as she looked about the room, to the bottle of beer that had at some point tipped over onto the carpet, leaving only a dribble on the floor, she realised what it was that she was doing, and she felt the trip of her heart, the sudden crush of her lungs that made her gasp and once again she clenched her hands by her sides.

How was it possible to be afraid and in love? The two things did not go together. How was it possible to be afraid, when the two of them had grown stronger together every day? And every night she had thought of her, even when she had tried to convince herself otherwise, Bernie was always there, in the back of her mind...

Before she could think herself out of that particular panic Bernie was back in the room, only a small brown leather bag slung over one shoulder, her coat tied tightly about her waist.

 _Oh God that coat. That coat did funny things to her._ Serena drew in a breath through her nose.

"Ready?"

Bernie asked, breathless.

Serena exhaled slowly and as Bernie neared she jutted out an elbow for Serena to take hold of.

"Ready."

She whispered, slipping her hand into the warmth of Bernie's coat. And suddenly she _was_ ready.

-.-

Back at the house the windows were still dark, and as they stepped out of the car onto the driveway Serena held up a finger to her lips as Bernie took two crunching steps and pushed the car door closed.

"Sorry..."

She hissed, the breath of a breeze brushing the back of her neck.

Serena opened the front door almost silently, and closed it with only a soft click behind them.

"Come straight up."

She whispered, gesturing with a hand for Bernie to follow her, pausing by the bottom of the stairs whilst Bernie glanced about the house before following her.

"Stay on this side, the left side creaks."

She added, and silently Bernie walked behind her, stepping carefully from one step to the next, keeping one hand on the bulk of her bag so that the buckle wouldn't scrape or knock against the wall.

They were nearly at the top when Serena paused unexpectedly to listen out for movement, and Bernie, intent on looking down at each step as she took them in the dark, bumped hard against Serena's back, knocking her off balance only for a fraction of a moment, but long enough to make her emit a sudden noise of alarm, and her foot came down on the top step with a thud that made her flinch.

Before Bernie could apologise there was the creak of Jason's bed and Serena's hand caught hold of Bernie's, tugging her up the last couple of steps to the landing.

A light flickered on in the bedroom nearest them, glowing yellow beneath the door, and once again the creak of a bed sounded before soft padding footsteps.

Jason opened the door slowly, peering out, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose with both hands.

"Auntie Serena?"

He took a moment to speak, squinting at them from sleepy eyes.

"Jason...Jason! We were just-"

"Hello Bernie."

He seemed unfazed by the other woman's presence.

"Hello...Jason."

Bernie cleared her throat and shifted from one foot to the other.

"Are you alright, Auntie Serena?"

"Yes, yes, fine. I was just...we were uh-"

She looked to Bernie, wide eyed, the light from Jason's door surrounding them like the blind white eye of a spotlight.

"I just wanted to show Bernie something."

She said quickly.

"In your bedroom?"

Jason asked, though his questioning was innocent, void of anything but concern.

Bernie shifted once more and adjusted her bag on her hip.

"Serena was having trouble making it through the mounds of paper work from yesterday, neither of us could sleep...so I said I'd lend a hand."

"Yes. Yes that's right."

Serena said quickly, interlinking her fingers in front of her stomach and twisting her hands together.

"Ok."

Jason scratched the top of his head with his free hand.

"I'm going to go back to bed now. Goodnight Auntie Serena, goodnight Bernie."

He took a step backwards and rested a hand on the edge of the door.

"Good night Jason."

Both women murmured in unison, waiting until Jason had closed the door before they exhaled, looking to one another.

Bernie held the skin of her bottom lip between her teeth, struggling against a laugh.

"Fine burglar you'd make."

Serena muttered, swatting Bernie lightly with the back of her hand before opening the door to her own room and holding it open, waiting for Bernie to move past her before closing it firmly.

"So uh, what is it you wanted to show me...in your bedroom?"

Bernie laughed, her voice a thin whisper. Serena arced an amused eyebrow in response and made her way over to the bed.

She slipped off her slippers and turned on the fan beside the bed, the room was stuffy despite the open windows, and she could well imagine how much warmer it would become with the two of them in there.

She tugged off her jumper and folded it neatly before setting it down on the bedside table.

"Getting in?"

Serena asked, looking up, over to the other side of the bed. It seemed strange, suddenly, to have Bernie here...in her house...her bedroom. A little anxious flutter caught in her chest and she swallowed it down hurriedly.

Bernie cleared her throat quietly, doing her best not to stare, but noticing nonetheless how much of Serena was exposed now that she stood before her in the strappy white top that she slept in. A top that clung to her and revealed curves that her loose fitting shirts never did.

She swallowed.

"Yes...yes."

Her fingers fumbled with the buttons of her coat, and she looked for somewhere to hang it. Finding nothing she folded it haphazardly over the back of a chair by the wardrobe and slipped off her shoes before climbing hesitantly into bed, slipping her legs beneath the covers next to Serena.

A brief silence fell between them. Serena gazed up into the dark. She could feel every bit of her beginning to tense. Surely there must be _something_ that she could say...?

"It seems odd...you being here."

"Mmm."

Bernie's murmur was higher in pitch than she had meant it to be, and in the dark Serena heard her swallow.

"I certainly didn't envisage this when I woke up this morning."

Serena half-laughed, clutching the edge of the duvet and squinting up to the ceiling. She heard the gentle puff of air expel from the pillow next to her as Bernie turned her head slightly to look at her.

"Oh I don't know...I've envisaged this several times."

She murmured, blowing away a hair that had fallen into her face.

Serena ran her eyes the length of the ceiling, and then gently she rolled herself onto her side, her face resting on her hand, looking over at Bernie's dimly light silhouette; how the pale light caught the rise of her cheekbones and the bridge of her nose, how it glittered in the black of her eyes.

"You're so beautiful."

She whispered, almost without realising it.

She saw Bernie's eyebrows raise in the dark.

The world outside was silent, as if it had ended in the night. The sun was still resolutely below the horizon and the room was hung with light the colour of a dove's wing, as dark as an old black and white film.

She could barely concentrate on anything but their close proximity. Bernie's breath between them, how she smelled, the way she looked, her skin and hair so pale against the pillow but her eyes so dark.

"It's been a while since I've been called beautiful."

Bernie whispered, the whites of her eyes sparkling in the light from the gap between the curtains. She moved closer, tucking the corner of the pillow down beneath her hand so that she could make out the shadows of Serena's face.

"You are! You're-"

Serena sighed, no words seemed to quite capture the moment. Instead she slipped a hand from the edge of the cover to touch Bernie's hair, running her fingers through it gently, pushing it back from her face. She gently brushed the rise of her perfect cheekbone and ran her fingers into her hair, soft and slightly damp at her scalp from sweat, her skin just ever so sticky in the heat.

Bernie closed her eyes and sighed.

"I know you wanted to talk."

She said slowly, bringing a hand up to cup Serena's that paused against her cheek, and drew it slowly to her mouth, kissing her palm.

"But would you mind very much if we slept? I promise tomorrow we can talk? I'll even cook you dinner if you let me borrow your kitchen."

Serena smiled, feeling the breath of the other woman against her face.

"Perfect."

She said softly, watching as Bernie smiled again and placed another kiss against her palm.

"Though don't you dare think that you can leave my kitchen in the same state that you leave the office in."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Bernie laughed, and Serena leant closer to brush her lips against Bernie's.

"Goodnight kiss."

She said quietly, kissing her gently with lips that twitched with nervousness.

She felt Bernie smile against her mouth, and she hummed a sigh as she kissed her back, slowly, gently. But when Serena parted her lips, and Bernie's tongue touched against hers she felt their sudden release, that leap of response in both of them, as if their bodies were made of materials which put together inevitably created desire.

This was a different type of kiss from the kiss in theatre, and the kiss that they had shared in Bernie's hotel room. This was slow and wet and hot, and it drew them in as though it meant to drown them.

It was breathless and desperate. Bernie tasted of beer and cigarettes, a not unpleasant taste, and her lips were hot but her mouth was hotter, opening wider, her arms grasping her harder, pulling her nearer until they were flush against one another and Serena moaned through a gasp, breaking the kiss suddenly, breathless and trembling.

"Ok?"

Bernie's voice was low.

"Mmm!"

She murmured. Her breath caught and shook between them. She looked into Bernie's eyes, before kissing her again. She slipped her hand beneath the covers, running shaking fingertips over Bernie's upper arm, over her bent elbow to her waist where she fidgeted with the hem of her tank top. She flushed as she felt the heat of Bernie's bare skin, and once again she leant in to kiss her, soft open mouthed kisses, hot and slow, and Serena's fingers were inching higher, shyly pushing up the hem of her top until she felt the rise of her ribs, then higher to the heat beneath her right breast, but Bernie pulled away sharply, her skin flinching as Serena hit a nerve at her waist.

"Sorry...sorry. I didn't mean t-"

Serena began to pull back but Bernie shook her head and grasped hold of her fingers, her palm damp with sweat. She spoke quickly, cutting her off.

"Don't be. I liked it."

She had to pause to catch her breath.

"Too much!"

She laughed and Serena flushed at the realisation.

She had just wanted to touch her...

Without saying another word Bernie moved closer. She hesitated, then loosened her grip on Serena's hand, and slowly, slowly she eased Serena's limp hand higher, until finally she let go, her hand ghosting above the fabric, below which Serena's hand tentatively held her breast, and she closed her eyes and turned her face against the pillow, lips parted as Serena ran each finger slowly across her nipple.

Serena trembled, she could see her own hand moving beneath Bernie's top, and couldn't quite bring herself to believe what she was doing.

She could feel Bernie's nipple between the lengths of her fingers, how different it felt to touch someone else, another woman like that. And the look on Bernie's face as she tried to control herself! The way she couldn't help but flinch and push against her at every movement, how she frowned and closed her eyes and released the breathiest moan Serena had ever heard.

Then slowly Bernie grasped her hand again, halting her, and propped herself up.

"Bernie?"

Her hand slipped from the warmth of Bernie's breast to the heat of the mattress.

Without a word Bernie reached for the hem of her top and pulled it from her body, tugging it from one arm and letting it fall from the bed.

"I need to feel you against me."

Her voice was strained as she pulled the top over her head.

Slowly Serena eased herself up, and with Bernie's eyes upon her own she twisted herself out of her own top with hands that shook so much that she could barely use them.

She heard Bernie exhale a short breath as she let the top fall into shadow.

"So beautiful..."

Bernie reached out to touch her before she'd even realised what she was doing. Serena gasped aloud and shuddered as warm fingertips ran, haltingly, across her collar bone and lower, lower, then she was being pulled closer, Bernie's arm slipped beneath her neck, and all the length of their bodies touched, fitting as if something had prearranged it. They were lying, holding each other, shivering against one another, frowning, gasping against each others lips, pushing and pulling, straining and clutching at every little bit of flesh that they could reach, Bernie's hands like fire, burning her up at every touch.

A knock sounded sharply on the door.

"Auntie Serena are you alright?"

Serena grasped hold of Bernie's upper arm, stilling their movements abruptly.

"I'm concerned about the noise."

Jason's voice came again through the door, so close that they could hear his breath against the wood.

Serena closed her eyes, attempting to steady her breathing. She licked her lips, how swollen they were from their kisses...

"We're fine, Jason, go back to bed."

It was all she could manage to say.

Bernie snorted into the pillow and Serena nudged her with her knee into the soft warmth of her stomach, making her flinch and laugh into the feather pillow.

"Ok."

Jason called again.

Serena listened to the creak of the landing floor and the soft thump of Jason's headboard against the wall as he got back into bed.

She pushed her palm against Bernie's arm and the blonde rolled over and flopped back on the bed, her chest rising and falling as she grinned up into the half-dark, her body shaking with suppressed laughter.

"I don't know what you're finding so amusing."

Serena hissed, watching the rise and fall of her bare chest, wondering, despite herself, what it would feel like to kiss her way across the rise of her breast, to take her nipple into her mouth...how Bernie's skin would taste and how she would arc her back from the bed...how she would look, her head rolled back, lips parted...

Bernie chuckled low in her throat. Serena looked back at her, meeting her eyes, realising that she had been caught staring.

"Well, I wasn't wrong."

Bernie sighed, offering out an arm, breaking Serena's gaze.

"Hmm?"

She asked, exhaling, easing herself down, accepting the offered arm and lying her head upon Bernie's shoulder.

"Undeniable sexual tension."

Bernie murmured, her lips against Serena's forehead.

"I should say so."

Serena sighed and Bernie smiled against the top of her head and closed her eyes.

-.-

I will update again tomorrow. I apologise for any mistales. And again, thank you so much for all of the really lovely reviews! They're very much appreciated :) xxx


	6. Chapter 6

The radio switched on at 6:10 AM. A low murmur of a song that broke into Serena's dreams; **_Please be mine, share my life, stay with me, be my wife..._** over and over it seemed to play, dimming in and out, again and again. Everything seemed very big, and then very small, until the song cut and suddenly a voice was announcing the day, the beautiful sunshine, the song, ...Bernie sucked in a long breath, a faint snore from next to her, and all of a sudden Serena was awake, opening her eyes, squinting against the sunlight. She would have to look up the song later, she knew it from somewhere, she was sure.

But for now...she smiled as she eased herself up, blinking against sore, scratching eyelids. Bernie was lying on her back still, the duvet kicked back to the bottom of the bed, her pale chest exposed. And if she looked closer she could still see the reddening of her skin and the creased flesh where she had slept, resting against the other woman's shoulder.

She smiled to herself, how beautiful she looked, asleep in her bed.

"Stop staring at me."

Bernie murmured, her eyes still closed.

"I'm not staring at you, I'm _appreciating_ you."

Serena corrected gently, admiring how the lemon yellow of the morning sunshine caught every curve and line of her face, the flush of her cheeks, and the petal pink of her lips, as though she were a watercolour painted by a person in love.

Bernie laughed an almost silent laugh and opened her eyes.

"Please tell me it's not morning already?"

She sighed, though still she smiled. Her eyes were faintly bloodshot, much as Serena assumed her own must be, and she raised a hand to rub against them and arced her back against a yawn.

"My eyes feel like sandpaper."

She grumbled, rolling onto her side, reaching out blindly for Serena's hand.

"Come on you."

Serena squeezed her fingers and tugged gently, unable to help the idling of her eyes as she noted how much paler Bernie's skin was in comparison, and how pale pink her nipples were only mere inches from her own...how incredible they had felt pressed against one another last night...

Bernie drew in a long breath through her nose and squinted up at Serena, interlinking their fingers briefly.

"God help anyone who requires trauma surgery today..."

She yawned again and inched herself closer, easing herself up to mirror Serena.

"Not fit for duty, Major?"

Serena asked, glancing to her lips.

Bernie smiled and gave an almost invisible shake of her head before leaning in and kissing her softly on the lips, lingering only to sigh against her before pulling away.

"I'll be fine when you've made me a coffee."

She smiled and rubbed the tip of her nose against Serena's, making the other woman laugh in protest.

"Well I'd offer to make you one, but I might break something."

She pulled back, one eyebrow raised.

"You're not going to let me forget that, are you?"

Serena tutted.

"Nope."

Bernie whispered.

It was Serena's turn to sigh, and reluctantly she pulled away and eased herself out of bed, flicking off the radio as she stood up.

"I don't know how I'm going to concentrate on anything today now that I know what's beneath those shirts you wear."

Bernie stretched as she spoke, amused by Serena's cough of alarm as she began shuffling through her underwear drawer.

"If you accidentally kill somebody today you're not to go blaming me."

She said, frowning, feeling suddenly, strangely, self-conscious as she selected a bra and adjusted it around herself, fumbling with the clasp.

"Well, you are rather a distraction..."

Bernie replied, stretching out in the bed, watching with pleasure the blush that began to creep across Serena's chest, and the smile at her face that all too quickly clouded over, replacing itself with a frown as she stood up straight, pausing, a pair of knickers in her hands.

"Do you think they'll know?"

She asked suddenly, passing the underwear from one hand to the other.

"I'm sorry, what are we talking about now?"

Bernie asked, running a hand through her hair.

"The staff. Do you think they'll pick up on it?"

Serena had that look about her, that far away stare that seemed to freeze her in her movements when she began thinking about something.

"It?"

Bernie repeated, teasing out a tangle at the back of her head with her fingers.

"Are you being deliberately difficult?"

Serena raised an eyebrow, blinking against her stare.

"I don't think they pay much attention to us old farts."

Bernie replied, ignoring her question and easing herself up to sit upright in the bed.

"Yes but, you know how people are...especially at work. We work so tightly together. What if they can just 'tell', just by looking at us?"

She glanced down at her hands, realising what she was holding and quickly tossing the underwear back into the drawer.

"It'll be that neon sign above your head, all new recruits to lesbianism get them. I couldn't shift mine for weeks."

"What _are_ you talking about?"

Serena cut her off, frowning again.

"What if I accidentally say something...what if you do! What if they take one look at us together and they just _know?_ I mean, I know we shouldn't have to keep it a secret, as such, but I for one don't want to be announcing it to everyone right away. Not that I'm ashamed of course, I just don't know if I can handle the gossiping right away, and-"

She paused, realising that Bernie was lounging against the headboard, half naked, beautiful and very much amused.

"Sorry, I'm rambling again aren't I? You'd have thought I would have done enough of that last night..."

She sighed and clapped her hands to her sides.

Bernie smiled to herself, then raised a hand to cover her lips, laughing.

"What?"

Serena widened her eyes.

"Serena Ramble."

Bernie couldn't help but snort as she laughed again.

"Oh, yes, thank you _very_ much...I think your sense of humour leaves something to be desired..."

Serena rolled her eyes despite her smile, ignoring Bernie's laughter and instead making her way around to the other side of the bed where she reached for Bernie's bag and tossed it onto the bed next to her.

"Up."

Serena gestured with her hand.

"And you can stop looking so pleased with yourself."

She added, unable to hide the twitch of amusement at the corner of her mouth.

"I'm not having you making me late, I knew you were that sort of person the minute I clapped eyes on you."

Bernie was still laughing as she heaved herself up out of bed, taking the opportunity to wrap her arms about Serena from behind as she made to move towards the wardrobe.

"I do love you Ms Campbell."

She murmured, brushing her lips against the skin behind her ear.

"And I you, Ms Wolfe."

Serena whispered, unable to help the shiver that made goose bumps scutter across her bare arms as Bernie allowed her lips to brush back and forth against her skin whilst her fingers played at her waist.

"Really?"

The blonde's voice was low.

"Mmm."

It was all Serena could manage to utter. Her eyes were closing and with every kiss Bernie placed across the back of her neck the more difficult breathing became.

"Do you know what?"

Bernie murmured against her hairline.

"What?"

"I think today is going to be a good day."

She sighed.

-.-

 _This update is a little bit shorter than the previous ones, but I'll hopefully make up for that in the next. Yet again, thank you so much for the amazing review, I love to read them, and I especially love hearing your thoughts on the story so please feel free to continue! xxx_


	7. Chapter 7

"Will you stop yawning!"

Serena was shifting from one foot to the other. Bernie knew from the tense straight line of her mouth and the flexing of her fingers by her sides that she was nervous.

She struggled to contain another yawn, her eyes watering, narrowing, nostrils flaring.

"Remind me not to keep _you_ up all night again."

Bernie murmured, feeling yet another yawn begin to rise and tense in the back of her throat.

Serena glanced to her, mouth open.

"Oh, I'm sorry..."

She exhaled suddenly. The lift doors closed as they began their ascent.

Once safely confined she reached over and grasped Bernie's hand, her own fingers twitchy and jumpy in Bernie's palm.

"I don't mean to take it out on you."

She whispered earnestly, squeezing her hand gently and running her thumb back and forth over each flexed tendon in the back of the other woman's hand.

"It's just..."

"I know."

Bernie offered a quick smile, glancing up to the numbers above the door as it slowed to a halt and the doors opened again, revealing the ward beyond.

Serena drew her hand away with a sigh and let it fall against her thigh, pausing, awkwardly, then moving unsteadily out of the lift as Bernie raised an arm to gesture for her to go first.

"Heavy night ladies?"

Dr Copeland was standing opposite the lift, patient notes in hand whilst he ran the end of a pencil against his pursed lips.

"Oh God, he _knows."_

Serena's voice was a strangled whisper, and for one horrifying moment Bernie thought she was going to turn full circle and walk straight back into the lift again.

" _Serena..._ "

She kept her voice low, resisting the urge to place a hand upon Serena's arm.

"That look on his face..!"

They were moving past him now, Bernie giving him a shake of her head as they moved on past the desk.

"That wasn't a look, that's just his face."

Bernie said, her voice straining as she glanced back over her shoulder whilst steering Serena toward the corridor.

"This way..."

Again her hand made to hover at her back, to touch her just above the sway of her hips, but she resisted, hesitated, then pushed her hands deep into the pockets of her trousers.

"Why? Where're we going?"

Serena was taking such stiff short steps that it seemed almost impossible to walk beside her without looking ridiculous. Instead Bernie huffed a breath and raised her eyebrows.

"To our office, Ms Campbell, like we do every morning."

"Oh...yes, yes...alright."

Bernie stopped abruptly and held the door open for them, catching the blush of Serena's cheeks and the dip of her face as she passed her by and made her way hurriedly over to her chair.

"Are you going to be like this all day?"

The door closed behind them.

"Sorry?"

Serena let her bag fall from her arm and tucked it beneath her desk.

"You and your blushing - you're like some Victorian maiden. If you want to keep this a secret then you're going to have to start doing a better job of behaving like a normal person."

Bernie withdrew her chair from her desk and pushed a hand through her hair as she sat down, poking the power button of her PC as she arranged herself in the seat.

"How _am_ I behaving?"

Serena was leaning to her left so that she could see Bernie from behind her own monitor that was taking it's time to blink into life.

"As though we just spent the early hours of this morning half-naked and kissing the life out of one another in your bed."

Bernie stated, one eyebrow raised.

"Well I..."

Serena opened and closed her mouth, opened it one last time and then puffed out a breath through her lips and slouched back into her chair.

"Just relax, Serena."

Serena looked up at her, helpless.

"I feel as though I can't breathe."

She sighed, exhausted and jittery as though a bird were caught within her chest, fluttering with all it's might to break free of her heart.

Bernie let her head fall to one side, regarding her with narrowed eyes and pursed lips .

"I'm going to go and get us both a coffee."

She decided, standing up with as much suddenness as she had sat down with. She unzipped her bag and fished about for her purse.

Serena watched her without really seeing. She didn't see the bag, or even really realise what it was the other woman was doing. What she saw was the way that when Bernie leaned over her bag like that her hair fell forward it beautifully unkempt curls of every shade of blonde that there was, and when she located her purse she pressed her teeth into her bottom lip, smiling a small triumphant smile and shooting a look across at her with glittering eyes.

"Deep breaths, OK? No fainting, no panic attacks, and no hysterics."

She paused just long enough to make sure that Serena nodded.

"Won't be long."

She slipped from the room, letting the door close softly behind her.

Once outside of the door she exhaled and shook herself, twisting her shoulders back and forth and flexing her free hand.

The ward hummed around her as she passed through, head bowed, willing her way through without being disturbed, past the rumble of beds and bleeping machines, the clatter of the cleaners cupboard and the murmur of the staff room.

Finally at the cafe she slipped between half-full tables and into the queue, waiting only moments before being faced with the young red headed boy who worked there most days.

"Two double shot americano's, please."

" _Must_ have been a good night."

Dr Copeland's voice came as a knowing murmur from behind her, and as she turned to look at him he squinted up to look at the list of drinks above the barista's head, despite having already ordered.

"Something like that."

She said slowly, turning back and watching as the steam from the coffee machine billowed up beneath the wall-mounted cupboards that dripped condensation onto the work surface.

Dom raised an eyebrow and looked at her from the corner of his eye.

"So, what did you do to Ms Campbell?"

He was shuffling a five pound note between his fingers, one of the new ones, smaller, and surprisingly noisier.

"I'm sorry?"

She fumbled with the coffee's as they were passed to her, splashing coffee over the back of her hand, biting the inside of her cheek against the burn.

"Shit."

Dom watched her with interest as she closed her eyes for only a fraction of a second, held her breath, and then released it, as though breathing out the pain.

"She looks as though she's had one case of Shiraz too many."

He paused, accepting his skinny latte from another barista.

"You don't look too good yourself."

He added when she failed to respond.

"Oh, thanks!"

"And one couldn't help but notice the absence of a certain army medic's car in the car park this morning, and yet here you are, in all your...disheveled glory."

"Alright, Dr Copeland."

She rolled her eyes though her voice was stern, and she stopped abruptly as they made their way into the hallway outside of the cafe, the soles of her shoes squeaking against the floor.

"I was only teasing..."

He held up his free hand in defeat, his fingers curled about loose change.

"Yes, well, if you could stop now, and refrain from mentioning anything more of this to Ms Campbell or the rest of the staff I'd be very grateful."

Dr Copeland paused, a certain flicker of realisation passing across his face as Bernie moved off again, and he quickened his step to catch up.

"Are you OK?"

He asked quietly.

"Yes, yes I'm fine."

She glanced about the ward, holding the coffee's to her chest, narrowing her eyes as she caught sight of the top of Serena's bowed head through the office blinds.

"If you need to talk...or..."

"Thank you Dr Copeland."

She cut him off without a backward glance, leaving him to hover by himself at the desk.

-.-

As soon as Bernie had left the office with the promise of coffee, Serena had slouched back in her chair and closed her eyes.

Deep breaths...Bernie was right, she needed to calm down. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth...or was it supposed to be the other way around? To be fair, breathing, whether it be the right way around or not, was a feat worth celebrating at this moment in time.

She supposed it was the lack of sleep that was sending her into such a panic. Her brain hadn't had the chance to catch up with itself, to organise everything whilst she slept. Instead she felt as though she were hovering above herself in some sort of bubble of nervous panic, that, at any given moment could burst all over the bloody place.

She frowned. What was it she was afraid of exactly? The rumor mill? It wasn't as though she were a stranger to it, and it wouldn't last forever. The gossiping?

Perhaps it really would be better to just get everything out in the open, to out herself to all and sundry? Deal with it, get it over with, move on...

But just the thought of it made her heart beat just that little bit faster and she began to feel light headed again.

Perhaps after a week or so, when she had got used to the idea of being bisexual herself...

Bisexual! She pursed her lips against a laugh and raised her eyes heavenward. Of all the things that life had thrown at her, she had never expected Bernie Wolfe to come hurtling out of the blue, only to shoot straight into her heart.

She sighed.

 _Deep breaths_ , she murmured to herself, drawing in another.

She closed her eyes again as she recalled Bernie's deep breaths from this morning, when she had still been asleep. How she had looked, half naked...oh God! She had seen Bernie Wolfe half naked...

All of a sudden she was filled with a sense of purpose. She had the sudden realisation that she could do _something_ to regain control.

She opened her eyes and sat up, arranging herself in her chair. She opened the top drawer to her desk and eased out her laptop, twisting in her chair and turning her back to the door. This was something she didn't want overseen. Not something she wanted to have to work out how to delete from the history of her work computer.

Her fingers hovered, twitching over the keyboard, before typing quickly, casting a quick glance back over her shoulder just to double check that Bernie had closed the door properly on her way out.

Her google search loaded;

 _how to have lesbian sex 102: Cunnilingus edition,_

 _28 Lesbian sex positions to blow your mind,_

 _10 sex tips for your first time with a woman..._

She clicked blindly and shuffled forwards, leaning her body over her laptop as she scrolled down.

There seemed to be so many! Her eyes flickered back and forth, pausing on words she was unsure of. Surely there couldn't be so many different positions?! She scrolled lower down...leaning in closer...

"Oh! I couldn't do that, might put my back out..."

Bernie's voice sent such a sharp shock all the way down from the back of her head to the toes in her shoes that it was all she could do to scrabble for the laptop that all but slipped from her lap.

" _Good_ GOD woman, how do you do that!?"

Serena turned sharply, her hands clutching the edge of the laptop keyboard, holding it so firmly against her lap that her hands began to shake.

Bernie grinned slowly showing her teeth, her eyes glittering with mischief but she didn't say a word. She placed the cardboard coffee cups down on Serena's desk and silently reached over her shoulder, using one long, beautiful finger to slowly, slowly scroll down the screen.

"Now that, I could do... and that one..."

She scrolled again, leaning slowly, her chest against Serena's back.

"And I'd love to do _that_ to you..."

She paused, her fingers hovering over the keys. Her breath was right by Serena's ear and it was all the brunette could do to swallow, knowing that if she so much as turned her head she would be gone. Given up entirely to Bernie.

"Bernie, I-"

She turned anyway, only millimetres between them, her eyes glancing from her mouth to her eyes and back again.

"I want to uhm."

She cast a quick look to the computer screen.

"When?"

Bernie asked, her voice low.

Serena laughed. If now had been an option, she would have said it.

"Tonight?"

She asked, her voice giving way.

From on the ward they hear the bleating of the red phone.

"I'll look forward to it."

Bernie murmured, pulling away, slipping back through the door again with a backwards glance and the ghost of a wink.

-.-

Your reviews really mean a lot to me, especially those who take the time to point out pieces that they like, or to ramble (no, I don't mind at all!) It makes me smile when I wake up in the morning to find a review or two so THANK YOU! Yet again...

As for whether there will be more chapters? There will be MANY more. Including an M rated chapter coming shortly (perhaps the one after next) xxx


	8. Chapter 8

"What a day _..."_

Serena slowed to a gradual halt. Her feet throbbed, and the muscles in her legs strained and ached. She had always needed a lot of sleep, even when she was younger, and now, after night upon night of interrupted sleep due to the over activity within her head, she felt as though she could quite easily curl up on the floor of the ward and fall into a sleep so deep that nothing would be able to wake her.

"Are you still cooking me dinner tonight, because I'm not sure that I can remain standing up for much longer?"

She leaned heavily against the nursing station and pushed two fingers into the bridge of her nose, massaging the low level headache that seemed impossible to shift.

"That's the plan."

Bernie murmured from where she sat, looking between two sets of notes that she had splayed before her on the other side of the desk.

Absently she raised a hand that held a pen to rub at the back of her neck.

Serena cast a tired eye across the ward.

"Has anyone mentioned anything?"

She asked, lowering her voice, watching Raf move between cubicles, his head bent to look down to the paperwork that he was holding.

"Hmm?"

Bernie twisted the ball point pen between her fingers so that it made a soft clattering sound, looking up as Serena turned to face her.

"Oh. No, not a word."

She set the pen down, adjusting it so that it didn't roll onto the floor and stretched her arms up above her head, the dark blue scrubs pulling tight against her chest, rising up to give the smallest of glimpses to the line of pale flesh at her waist.

Serena hesitated, her face half turned towards her, her dark eyes lowered.

"Undressing me with your eyes again, Ms Campbell?"

There was laughter in Bernie's voice as she relaxed again, enjoying Serena's flustered wave of a hand at such a suggestion, and the flush that began to creep just above her neckline.

"Well, if you will stretch like that..."

Her words tailed off as Bernie leaned back in her seat, head cocked to one side, eyeing her with those wide set brown eyes as she ran a hand across the waistline of her scrubs and stretched out her legs in front of her.

"Ms Campbell, could I borrow you for a moment?"

Raf was approaching from the nearest bed, the very sound of his voice enough to send Serena's nerves ricocheting off of one another.

"Mr Di Lucca, it's getting legs...late. It's getting late..."

She faltered, caught herself and cleared her throat, feeling once more the burning heat of her cheeks.

"I was just about to-"

"I just wanted your signature."

He cut in, distracted and gesturing with the papers he had been holding against his chest. Serena swallowed and nodded a half-nod.

"Right, yes. Fine."

She widened her eyes, pursed her lips, and, whilst avoiding Bernie's gaze that she felt upon her like the heat of the sun, she leaned over the desk, retrieved the pen that the other woman had been using and signed the paperwork in one swift yet slightly aggressive movement.

"Thanks."

Raf gave a barely noticeable nod, and with the notes pressed against his scrub top once more he moved away.

Serena rested heavily against the desk and placed the pen down, stopping it from rolling off with her elbow.

"If I look up at you now to find that you're doing that smirk that you do..."

She warned quietly, and raised her eyes though her head was still lowered. Bernie's lips twitched against a smile and her eyes glimmered with amusement from behind her fringe.

"I _knew_ it."

Serena murmured, watching as the blonde cleared her throat and propelled the chair back a few inches with her feet, the wheels squeaking against the tiled floor.

"Come on you."

Bernie clapped her hands down upon her thighs.

"As you said, it's getting legs, and we wouldn't want to keep Jason and his stomach waiting."

Bernie pushed herself up out of her seat and moved slowly around the nursing station to Serena's side, gently leaning her body against her.

"I _will_ get you back for that you know."

Serena's voice was all but a low hum, and as they began to move away from the nursing station she found herself unable to do anything but fall into step with the other woman, upper arms bumping together whilst the backs of their hands knocked and brushed between their hips.

"Is that a promise?"

Bernie murmured as they passed silently through the ward. The lights were low as they passed by into the corridor. Patients slept, dozed, or read books, only the gentle hum of machinery, the beat of footsteps or the occasional bleeping of a machine broke the silence.

"Honestly it's like being a teenager again."

Serena opened the office door, making her way over to her desk leaving Bernie to close the door behind them, eyebrows raised at Serena's sudden change in conversational thread.

"Is that a bad thing?"

She asked, reaching for her bag that she had tucked beneath her desk.

Serena tugged her coat on over her arms and adjusted the collar before answering.

"Well, I do miss my brain functioning normally. It seems to be well and truly firing on one cylinder at the moment. And that cylinder seems to be entirely focused upon you."

Bernie grinned, showing the glint of straight white teeth, before reaching down to the hem of her top, fingers curling about it as she eased the top up over her head.

"What _are_ you doing!?"

There was the clatter of keys as Serena fumbled and sent them skidding across the desk top, splayed out like a flattened skyline.

"Getting changed."

"In here!?"

Her voice was higher in pitch than she would have liked.

"No one can see."

Bernie folded the scrub top into a haphazard square and placed it on the seat of her chair.

" _I_ can see!"

Serena hissed, casting a quick glance to the office door.

"Well that was rather the point."

Bernie hooked her fingers into the waistband of her trousers.

"Oh..."

Serena glanced about herself, making sure to look anywhere but at the long pale legs that were slowly exposed, the materiel rustling as she stepped out of them, leaving her standing by her desk in only her underwear and a black vest top.

"It's nothing you didn't see this morning."

But that wasn't quite true. She hadn't seen her, not really. She hadn't fully appreciated the length of her, how long and lean and surprisingly elegant she was. And how perfectly pale and unmarked her skin was, how every muscle and tendon flexed and stretched and made the ache within her chest tighten all the more.

"Now you really are trying to tie me up in knots."

She exhaled all at once, noticing how Bernie smiled across at her whilst pulling on her black trousers and buttoning them.

"Bondage isn't really my thing. But if that's your bag I'll gladly-"

"No! No, not at all!"

Serena un-clenched and clenched her hand about her car keys as Bernie pushed her arms into the sleeves of a white shirt and began to button it up from the bottom.

"I'm joking, Serena."

She said quietly, smoothing down the hem of her shirt once she had buttoned the last button at her breast.

"Gosh, you do make me nervous."

Serena exhaled, at a loss for what else to do, or say. She felt numb, and stupid, and altogether out of sorts. So flustered that if she had been asked to sit down and write her name she would have written _Berenice Wolfe_ without batting an eyelid. Because that was it, that was all there was inside of her head. _Bernie Wolfe._

She looked across at her, her blonde head tilted to one side. Had she said something? If she had she hadn't been paying attention. She'd been too busy thinking about just how long those legs were to-

"Oh let's just go, shall we? Before somebody needs us, or I embarrass myself further."

She said suddenly, adjusting her bag onto her shoulder, looking helplessly across at the other woman as she smiled a knowing smile and simply gave a nod of her head before moving to the door and holding it open for her to pass through.

"So!"

Serena waited whilst Bernie closed the door before they moved off.

"What are you cooking for me?"

Once again she found that something between them just caused the two of them to walk so closely together that even a whisper couldn't have passed between them unnoticed.

"It's a surprise."

Bernie's voice was low and faraway, hinting at secrets that she was thoroughly enjoying keeping.

Serena brushed the tip of her thumb back and forth over the ridges of the key to her front door.

"I thought as much. Just...just be aware that Jason might not take kindly to a break in routine. Tonight is usually fish and chip night you see, and-"

"It'll be fine, Serena. I'll have a chat with Jason."

Bernie touched a hand to Serena's forearm as they approached the exit, a small yet comforting touch made all the more special by the fact that Bernie had done it completely without thinking.

"I don't mind going out to buy him fish and chips whilst you're cooking?"

She offered, tailing behind as they made their way down the steps into the car park. It was dark already. How quickly summer nights began to draw in once September began to dwindle.

Already the street lamps were burning a soft yellow as they began to come on. There was a nip in the air and clusters of brown leaves were blown against the curbs in little swells ad furrows, like sea foam gold in the sunset and scattering out in front of them with a gentle flutter at the slightest breeze.

"You're worrying too much. Whatever happens _will_ be fine. If he has a melt down, he has a melt down, and you can go and get fish and chips..."

They stopped on either side of Serena's car.

"...but lets not jump the gun."

Serena paused, the strap of her bag in the crook of one elbow whilst she rustled about inside for her car keys.

"In your hand."

Bernie murmured with a nod to the keys clasped tightly within her other hand.

Serena drew in a breath and let her shoulders slump as she exhaled, looking up at Bernie, her eyes glittering, her blonde hair catching in the breeze so that she had to push it from her face.

"Whatever did I do to deserve somebody like you?"

She sighed.

-.-

There will be another update (possibly two) tomorrow. Thank you once again for all of the lovely reviews, I'm overwhelmed with how many, and how lovely they have been! xxx


	9. Chapter 9

Back at home the the kitchen was off limits, the door firmly closed. Jason was settled on the sofa in the sitting room. The television was on low, the murmur of his voice sounding through the floorboards every now and then as he answered questions on _Pointless,_ and Serena was in the bath. A bath that had been all but forced upon her, and run by Bernie. She had resisted, at first, but now as she sunk lower beneath the bubbles with the warm water lulling her back and forth she had to admit that this was what she had needed all along; chance to finally relax.

She smiled as she thought of Bernie in the room below her; the mere knowledge that Bernie was there, in her house, made her sigh with happiness, despite only the intermittent clatters and clinks giving away Bernie's presence at all, reminding Serena of the scene in _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_ where Caractacus Potts hides himself away in the shed for days on end, before producing something magnificent. She almost laughed. She wouldn't be at all surprised if Bernie appeared several hours later with the most spectacular meal, and an even more spectacular mess left behind her.

She breathed out slowly, the water against her chin, wetting the ends of her hair at the nape of her neck.

There was such a sense of anticipation within her very veins. She let her arms bob by her sides, her fingers weightless in the water. Where would they be, her fingers, in only a few hours time? A flurry of anticipation hummed just below her skin. She'd shaved her legs but nothing more. She'd worried about it, wasn't everyone completely hairless these days? But after several minutes of debating whether she should or shouldn't, she had decided that she had a pretty good idea that Bernie would like her just the way she was. Besides, shaving somewhere so delicate with hands that shook as much as hers would never be a good idea. It didn't bare thinking about in fact.

She closed her eyes, pushing the thought from her mind, and slipped further down into the bath. Water ran into her ears, blotting out every noise but the roar of the water. She imagined Bernie naked, how she would feel...only a few hours and she would be with her in bed. She would get to feel her against her, all of her, get to see what Bernie Wolfe was _like_ in bed. A little thrill jolted through her like an electric shock through her body. She could feel herself growing warmer, warmer than the water, and the heavy ache between her legs was beginning to grow all the more desperate.

She could touch herself, _had_ touched herself many times in fact, in the past few weeks. She had dutifully pushed every thought of Bernie from her mind in these moments, forcing herself to focus solely on the movement and pressure of her own fingers. But every night her inner thoughts won out as she came, and an image of Bernie would flare behind her eyes as she gasped into the pillow and shuddered against her own hand.

 _Bernie's hand._ She thought of it now, a thought that was never far from her mind. Her fingers...long, skillful fingers that could no doubt do things to her that she could never even imagine. And her mouth! Her wide lips and hot tongue...how it would feel to have her-

A tap on the door broke her train of thought, a loud rumbling tap heard through the floorboards and the water in her ears.

She rose from beneath the bubbles, crackling and popping as she moved, tilting her head from one side to the other to clear her ears.

"Foods up."

Bernie's voice came through the door upon hearing the splashing of water against the sides of the bath.

There was a pause as Serena collected herself.

"Where do you keep your cutlery?"

She called again, when there came no reply.

Serena eased herself up and out of the bath, bare feet slapping against the tiled floor as she reached for a towel from the rail and wrapped it tightly about herself.

She opened the door, a billow of sweet smelling steam curling into the dark hallway making Bernie squint.

"I've never been one for shouting though doors."

Even Serena's breath as she spoke seemed warmer than the air around them. Bernie looked her up and down, momentarily rendered mute by the sight of Serena standing before her in nothing but a towel. Her skin was wet and glistening in the hollows of her collar bone, her skin flushed pink from the steam.

"Uhm..."

She cleared her throat.

"I'll just get dressed and come down?"

There was a question in Serena's voice, as though she was waiting for Bernie to come to her senses.

"Yes, sorry."

Bernie took a hurried step backwards, finding it horrendously difficult to look away from the white fluffy line of the towel that was drawn so low across Serena's chest, and how her fingers curled so elegantly, shell-like, against the fabric.

She cleared her throat again and placed a hand on the stair rail, whether to steady herself or to ground herself she wasn't entirely sure.

"In the middle drawer of the dresser."

Serena raised her free hand to wipe at the damp hair at the back of her neck that dribbled water down her spine, tickling her.

"Hmm?"

Bernie watched the rise of her arm, how her breast strained against the towel whilst she tugged at the short dark hair..

"The cutlery?"

Serena prompted, lowering her arm, amused at how Bernie seemed suddenly completely incapable of retrieving herself from this state of surprise.

"Oh yes. Thank you."

Bernie nodded to herself and narrowed her eyes at the hand rail she was holding.

"I'll dish up then!"

She announced with a breath, glancing back up at Serena as she began her descent down the stairs.

"I'm looking forward to it..."

Serena called after her, watching the back of her blonde head as she disappeared.

-.-

I will update a much longer update later (The M rated one, just to warn those who would rather not read it!) Thank you again for the lovely reviews, they made me smile so much when I woke up to them this morning! xxx


	10. Chapter 10

"Saving lives, cooking...Is there no end to your talents?"

Serena asked from the rim of her wine glass, her eyes catching the light, one eyebrow slightly raised in question.

"Well I..."

Bernie paused, smiled, and glanced from one empty plate to the next. Her first ever attempt at home made fish and chips had been a success, it would seem.

"What can I say? I'm good with my hands."

She offered finally, daring to look back across the table to Serena, catching the slight flutter of her pulse at her throat, and the deliberate swallow as she set her glass back down by her plate.

"And uh...What do you think, Jason?"

Serena placed a hand upon Jason's, squeezing briefly, distracting him from the magazine he had folded by the side of his plate.

"I liked it."

He answered, looking up.

"But I am missing my pickled egg. I do like the batter very much, though."

"Well, I'll have to remember that for next time."

Bernie smiled, touching her fingers to the end of her knife and fork, adjusting them by the barest millilitre so that they were perfectly in line with one another.

Jason folded the magazine closed with precise movements and set it back down again, the bottom edge perfectly level with the edge of the table.

"Are you going to be cooking dinner every night from now on?"

He asked, mirroring the blonde's smile as she shook her head.

"Oh, no, not every night."

She paused, glanced to Serena again who licked her lips and splayed her fingers about the bottom of her glass, a frown creasing the skin between her eyes, a sure sign that she was about to struggle her way through yet another sentence.

"But perhaps...perhaps, Bernie might visit us now and then? Would you, would you mind...that?"

How she wished that she wouldn't stutter so much. She was as bad as Bernie. But then, that's what happened she supposed, when you fell in love. You were destined to embarrass yourself at every available opportunity, and especially in the company of the one with whom you had fallen in love with.

"Are you two friends now?"

Jason asked, leaning back in his chair and looking between the two women on either side of him, his arms folded, his eyes pale behind black frames.

"Well, we were friends before..."

"But now you love each other?"

He asked, just as he might as for someone to pass the salt, or whether he should watch _Mastermind_ or _Eggheads._

"What, what makes you say that?"

Serena faltered. Jason pulled up his shoulders and drew in an exaggerated breath before sitting up straighter in his seat.

"You're always looking at each other, and finding excuses to touch one another. You do stare at her quite a lot you know. And you are quite hard to understand when Bernie is nearby. You start speaking much more quickly, and your sentences quite often don't make much sense."

Serena widened her eyes across the table, noting the look of amused triumph that cast the shadow of a smile across Bernie's mouth as she raised her wine glass to her lips to sip the remains of her Shiraz.

"I hadn't realised I was quite so transparent..."

She exhaled at last, placing her right hand flat down onto the wood of the table top, looking at each one of her fingers in turn. Had they always been so...lined?

"Oh no, Bernie is just the same. She's always looking at you when you don't realise it, and she quite clearly gets very flustered when you touch her, which you do quite a lot. I believe these are all signs that you love one another and would like to spend more time together as a cohabiting couple."

Bernie made a noise in the back of her throat, a noise of alarm and surprise all at once, and she sucked in her cheeks, looking down at the knots in the table.

"We-well...well, perhaps not cohabiting, not...just yet anyway."

Serena shifted in her seat, wincing as it creaked.

"Anyway, is that something that you would be OK with? Bernie being here more often, I mean?"

She asked tentatively, head to one side, still intent on looking at the lines of her own hand. She really hadn't remembered them looking quite so old...

"Oh yes. I like Bernie a lot."

"Good!"

She exclaimed, almost before Jason had finished answering her.

Bernie leant back in her seat and stifled a yawn against the back of her hand.

"I should clear up."

She murmured, pushing her chair back and reaching out to take Jason's plate as she stood.

"Oh, no, don't worry about it. We can do it in the morning."

Serena caught the half glance of something behind Bernie's eyes as her hands hovered, the plate between her fingers.

"I thought perhaps we could watch a film...up in my room...perhaps?"

She turned hurriedly to Jason as Bernie very slowly stacked one plate on top of the other.

"Jason, would you mind very much if Bernie and I went up to my room to watch a film?"

She asked, feigning innocence in such an exaggerated manner that she couldn't help but roll her eyes at herself when Jason looked back down to the cover of his magazine.

"No, I don't mind."

"Thank you..."

She touched his shoulder with the very tips of her fingers, smiling down upon him with a warmth that only endeared her more to Bernie who watched the interaction, breath held, a flutter of something resembling nervousness within her chest. .

"Goodnight Jason."

Serena placed a gentle kiss to the side of his head.

"Good night Auntie Serena, goodnight Bernie."

He replied, standing up, smoothing down his trousers and making his way into the sitting room to watch the remainder of _Only Connect_ that he had paused when Bernie had announced that dinner was ready.

All of a sudden with Jason gone there was nothing more to say. There was only the space and the air between them, and the knowledge that they both knew precisely what the other was thinking...expecting.

"Well...I..."

Serena began, then stopped abruptly, looking helplessly across at the other woman. She had always envisaged that it would be Bernie who took the lead in such a situation. Bernie who would take her hand and lead her to the bedroom, who took that final step...

She hadn't been prepared for this, to be the one floundering and second guessing herself, to be the one desperately wanting more but still too terrified to move.

"Bedroom?"

It was only one word spoken softly from the other side of the table, but it made Serena start.

"Yes, if you..."

"Lead the way."

Bernie simply gave a nod, pushed her hands into the pockets of her jeans and then immediately took them out again as Serena drew in a long breath, smiled the wilting smile of somebody who has absolutely no idea what they are about to do, and turned to leave the kitchen, her slippered feet making almost no sound at all as they made their way from the tiled kitchen to the wooden stairway.

"So...always looking at me when I don't realise it...?"

Serena's voice was unsteady, an attempt at humour as she paused by her bedroom door, one hand on the handle, waiting whilst Bernie joined her.

"Can't get enough of you, clearly."

Bernie brushed a hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear and then all at once feeling suddenly self-conscious, wishing she could reach back up to untuck the hair, suddenly feeling as though her left ear simply _must_ be covered.

Serena's lips twitched. She opened the door with a hand that felt so cold that she could barely feel the handle. She paused, turned on the light and waited whilst Bernie slipped past her before closing the door with the softest of clicks.

"Bernie?"

"Mmm?"

It was a quick exchange, too quick. Bernie's murmur strained and high as she turned to face Serena who looked up at her, her face lowered.

"You know I'm...nervous about this?"

She began, feeling the colour already begin to rise across from the 'V' of her neckline up to her neck.

"I know."

Bernie paused.

"If you'd rather just-"

"Oh, no! No, no...I want to. I dread to think what would happen if we didn't, I feel I might explode on the ward...Sorry...that was...what I mean is..."

"Well, I'm quite good in an explosion?"

Bernie cut in quietly. Serena exhaled as she smiled.

"I'm not sure I'd recover. I've had quite enough of embarrassing myself in your presence of late, let alone in front of our work colleagues. They'll think I'm heading the same way as my mother."

She attempted a laugh but it came out strained and awkward. Bernie raised an eyebrow in silent question.

"Alzheimer's."

"Ah."

Another pause.

"So what do we...what do we... _do_...exactly?"

Bernie smiled down at the floor between them.

"Serena..."

"I do love the way you say my name."

Serena whispered hurriedly, her eyes so wide and wild with fear.

Bernie smiled and looked at her from beneath her fringe.

Gently she brushed the tips of her fingers across Serena's cheek, and then she raised her other hand. She closed the gap between them and rested her forearms against the door, on either side of Serena's shoulders.

"Let me show you...?"

-/- I apologise. I meant to get the M rated chapter completed and updated tonight but I'm just too tired to finish it. It will be uploaded tomorrow though, it's the very next bit. Also, please put any errors in this down to the aforementioned tiredness.

Again, I'm sorry! But thank you so much for the reviews and for being so patient with me and the way that I get caught up in the little things, taking forever to get to the 'big things...xxx


	11. Chapter 11

The sky was already a cloudless black; the first few stars had appeared, as if someone had thrown a handful of silver across the edge of the world and now there they hung, strung up between the moon and the Earth, lazy and shining, tempting and burning up, a picture of the future framed between the curtains of Serena's bedroom.

She struggled to draw in a breath. Her lips were parted and dry, and she looked up at Bernie with wide brown eyes that seemed, in that moment, to be fearful of everything. She could tell just by the way that Bernie was looking right back at her, with mirrored fear and want, that she could never be apart from her, not even for a moment, without finding herself in physical pain. That was the moment. That was how you knew you were in love, she supposed. All you had to do was imagine a life without the other person, and if the thought alone made you shiver, then you knew. And she did shiver, suddenly, violently, against Bernie's chest.

Still either side of her Bernie's arms were there, solid, strong. She reached up, finding herself holding onto the other woman's sleeves as though she was holding on for dear life.

She could barely swallow. Had she been this nervous all those years ago when she had lost her virginity? She couldn't remember, couldn't think clearly enough to even recall the boys name or how old she had been. But she imagined this was similar; this state that she was in, with her entire body seeming to vibrate as though completely out of control. She felt suddenly so unprepared, and yet, with that one look up to Bernie, she conveyed everything, and she knew that the other woman understood...was probably even feeling a similar way herself though she did much better job at hiding it.

The whisper of a smile twitched at the corner of Bernie's mouth. She leaned in and kissed the rise and hollow of Serena's cheek, felt the intake of breath as she ghosted a kiss against her lips, and then, almost immediately, she kissed her again, slowly still, but more firmly, using her weight to push her gently back against the door.

Still Serena's hands held onto Bernie's upper arms, holding stiffly onto the fabric of her shirt. It excited her, being held against the door; the weight of Bernie pressed flush against her sent a shock of intense pleasure through her chest and down to between her legs. Not to mention the flex of her arms beneath her hands, and the kisses. Oh! The kisses; long soft sweet kisses, kisses that tasted of Shiraz and cigarettes, and something that was just _Bernie._ Kisses that moved from nervous trembling lips to open-mouthed kisses that threatened to burn them up alive.

Finally Serena's hands – shaky as they were – traced the creases of Bernie's shirt up across her shoulders whilst she moaned against the other woman's mouth. She eased her fingers into her hair, blunt nails against her scalp teasing blonde waves, and then to her face, her cheeks, then down, falling to her waist, tugging her closer, kissing her more deeply.

All this while Bernie hadn't moved her hands from where they were, pressed hard against the door. All this time she had fought the urge to hold Serena's own hands above her head, to hold her there and make love to her as she had every night in her mind before she fell asleep.

She felt the hem of her shirt begin to rise, and one by one Serena's hands were on her bare back, just above the waistband of her jeans, moving back and forth, fingers stiff and jolting, her whole body quivering.

The hands at her back moved once more, around the curve of her hips to the front of her jeans, squashed between the two of them, fumbling with her buttons, successfully undoing two before Bernie pulled back, breathless.

Serena whimpered, leaning in to kiss her again, but instead Bernie leaned her forehead against hers, steadying herself with a breath. How beautiful Serena looked, in the smudged warm light of the room; short dark hair and even darker eyes, lips pinker and fuller and waiting for more.

She ached, every bit of her ached to be touched so that she could hardly bare it.

With deceptively calm movements Bernie pushed the red shirt from Serena's shoulders, the material catching at her waist and then falling to the floor with a soft expulsion of air. She shivered as Bernie moved back a fraction of an inch and ran her hands the length of her arms before seeking out the hem of the black top that she still wore. She was soft and unmoving, like liquid frozen into place, glistening and begging to be touched.

With only a slight wobble of her wrists, Bernie gently eased the top up over Serena's head, a soft smile of adoration as she raised her arms obligingly, allowing her to undress her, the black top joining the red upon the floor.

This was different than it had been this morning, this was with the light on, and nothing could be hidden; not the little glances to each other mouths, the flickers of indecision and apprehension, the heavy rise and fall of their chests. In fact, Bernie felt so exposed that she wouldn't have been at all surprised if she had been able to feel the very beat of Serena's heart beneath her skin at every touch.

She drew Serena in against her, holding her, kissing her just behind her ear whilst she undid her bra, and slipped it from her shoulders, her hands, tossing it blindly into the shadows.

Serena struggled to inhale, a nervous smile all she could manage.

"Are you OK?"

It was the first time that Bernie had spoken since she had eased Serena up against the door, and somehow it was a relief to hear her voice, to remind herself that this was Bernie, _Bernie_ who she loved and craved and wanted in such a terrifying way.

"It's a little one sided..."

She answered with a nervous laugh, her head to one side, quite enjoying the brief flicker of Bernie's eyes from her mouth to her breasts.

The blonde cleared her throat ever so quietly, arced an eyebrow, and with fingers that just glanced Serena's waist, she began to undo the buttons of her own shirt. Her movements were clumsy, but finally the shirt fell open, and she held her arms behind her back, tugging the sleeves from either wrist before it fell to the floor behind her. Serena couldn't help but marvel at the expression on Bernie's face; a look of determined concentration, eyes anxiously averted, and the slight twist of her waist as she tugged the black vest top up and over her head, her hair bouncing back against her jaw showing a million different shades of blonde all at once.

"Wait-"

Her hand glanced against Bernie's, halting her as she made to undo the clasp of her bra.

"Let me?"

Without waiting for a reply she stepped closer, wrapped an arm about Bernie who's eyes were upon her, curious and wondering whilst Serena's other hand pressed gingerly against her chest as she undid the little silver hooks, feeling the fabric give and begin to fall away from her body.

"One handed? I'm impressed..."

Bernie's voice low at her ear made her shudder, and she smiled, turning her face up to meet her as the bra was tossed aside.

"Eager to please..."

It was somehow better than Serena had imagined, the moment their upper bodies came together. This wasn't the blurred movie scene of her imagination, this was real, with imperfect bodies marked and indented by underwear and straps, worn by age and, in her case, too much Shiraz.

She caught the glitter behind Bernie's eye, looking down between them, the catch in her breath and the heady thrill of anticipation. Suddenly she felt the hurried stab of self-doubt. Bernie...her body...was better than she had imagined, if such a thing was possible. She was toned and taut, and even the scars of her past upon her skin didn't sully her. But what did she herself have to offer? A body that was fast becoming something she felt she was losing control of, just that little bit softer and curvier than she would have liked...

"Better?"

Bernie's voice broke through her cloud of fears. Serena opened her mouth to speak but only the whisper of a noise emerged.

"There's no rush...Serena."

Oh how she said her name, all at once, as though she had been holding her breath, a whisper as Serena's fingers brushed the zip of her jeans.

"After that little show in our office? I'm not about to stop now..."

She murmured, her voice weak, eyes set firmly on the task at hand, lowering Bernie's zip, and steadying her by the arm as the other woman bent to wriggle free of the tight jeans.

"You are quite incredible..."

"The view's not bad from where I'm standing, either."

Bernie made to reach out for the zip of her trousers but she caught the flinch of apprehension and paused.

"What is it?"

"Oh look at you, you're all straight lines, and I'm...well... _round_."

Bernie laughed unexpectedly.

"Round?!"

She cleared her throat, realising suddenly that Serena was genuinely concerned that she might not be what she had expected...or wanted, and the thought made her chest ache.

"Come here..."

She stepped back and held out a hand.

"What? Why?"

Serena's words were soft yet alarmed and she looked down to Bernie's palm as though she wasn't quite sure what it was she was offering.

Without a word Bernie took it upon herself to take her hand and lead her over to the bed.

"Lay down."

She was gentle, and quiet, drawing her closer, crawling back onto the bed until she let their hands fall so that Serena could join her, laying back stiffly against the headboard.

"I love you."

Fingertips traced the curve of her cheekbone to the line of her jaw to her chin.

"I love the dimple in your chin, your smile...the sound of your laugh and the way your eyes light up when you're thinking something inappropriate..."

Her touch moved lower still to the dip between ribs and hips.

"I love your curves..."

She smiled suddenly.

"And I... _think_ it's pretty safe to say, that I will continue to love you with or without your trousers on."

She concluded, and Serena couldn't help but laugh, her cheeks rosy, eyes lowered for a moment as she drew in one breath after another.

Bernie's fingers moved up higher, ran over the swell of her left breast, her thumb merely brushing her nipple as her hand moved higher and she leaned in, tilting Serena's face to meet her own, kissing her so softly upon the lips.

Again her hand crept lower, moved from the soft line of her jaw to the even softer skin between her breasts, smiling into the kiss as Serena shifted, arcing her back into her touch and gasping and shivering as her nipple caught and stiffened between Bernie's index and middle finger, her hand moving, tugging, and then releasing, cupping the weight of her breast and breaking the kiss to run her lips across the beautiful rise of her throat and the shadow at the base of her neck.

There was nothing in that moment except Bernie. Every inch of Serena's body throbbed and hummed with an ache that almost made her sob. She tossed her head to one side, eyes closed, and slowly, blindly, she reached for Bernie's hand that encased her breast and pushed it lower, lower, until their fingers stilled together above the fastening of her trousers.

Bernie raised her head, lips parted, her breath coming fast.

"You sure?"

It was barely a whisper. Serena laughed a breath of a silent laugh that almost hid her whispered ' _yes'._

It seemed to take forever for Bernie to fumble with the button and draw down the zip, and even longer for her to hook her shaking fingers into the waistband to ease them down, pausing for Serena to raise her hips.

And then there was nothing between them but the smallest slips of fabric, and Bernie was drawing her in, closer, holding her, her fingers in the short dark hair behind Serena's ears.

Their bodies sliding together was something of a new sensation. Without thinking she raised her leg, her thigh pressing unexpectedly between Bernie's causing the other woman to jerk suddenly.

"Sorry!"

She pulled back, her thigh hot and damp, and there was a look upon Bernie's face that she had never seen before; a pained frown, the gasp of a trembling breath at her lips. She was beautiful, and wanton, perfect and tempting.

Boldly she ran a hand to Bernie's lower back and moved closer, shifting her thigh more firmly between Bernie's, experimenting by rolling her hips against her once more so that Bernie's eyes closed and she tilted her face into the pillow, her frown deepening. Bernie pushed against her only slightly, her breath catching, her eyes opening just enough to meet Serena's eyes, holding her gaze as she moaned through an exhale.

Slowly they shifted, legs intertwining, bodies straining against one another's thighs, kissing slowly, desperately.

Bernie's hand drifted to her hip. It settled there and pulled her closer. She inhaled sharply. She was flush against Bernie, breast to breast, nipples gently brushing one another. Must she be so perfect? Her with her blonde hair and beautiful, beautiful lips...She splayed her hand against hers, both their hands together. A smile twitched Bernie's lips, and once more she began nuzzling her neck with delicate kisses; so faint that they were whispers.

Serena was flushed and aching. Bernie's mouth a burning heat that kissed her throat, suckling and grazing her teeth against her flesh, the bitter taste of perfume on her tongue. Tthen to her breasts from her collar bone, a biting kiss, tongue slipping over each stiffened nipple, back arching, the back of her hand cast limply across her mouth, gasping and writhing, crying out against the bitten skin of her hand.

Bernie's arm slipped between them, her hand flexed, fingers drawing an invisible line across the waist band of her underwear before brushing back and forth over soft downy skin, only the very tips of her fingers dipping beneath the elastic, making her skin flutter.

Gently she rolled Serena onto her back, lying on her side next to her. She kissed her gently, slowly and felt Serena gasp into her mouth as her fingers moved lower, pausing every so often to give Serena a chance to pull away.

The elastic was tight against her wrist as she reached down further, watching Serena's expression crumble as she cupped her with the palm of her hand. She was suddenly very still, so desperate to be touched that when Bernie began using her middle finger to stroke up and down Serena gasped and whimpered, and parted her legs, Bernie's fingers pushing into hot wet slippery skin.

A low guttural gasp pressed into the pillow, eyes shut tightly, lips parted. She couldn't stop wanting that pleasure, enjoying the sound of her own short breaths in the quiet night air. More. Over. Again. She was disappearing into searing hot pleasure a little more each second, so thin, so frail, a wisp of smoke dissolving into ecstasy. Surely she would vanish altogether, and there was no way to stop her. It was Bernie, all Bernie...Bernie's hand flexing between her legs and it was Bernie's name she breathed as she came, bucking and rolling her hips hard against Bernie's hand, wanting her deeper, harder, until everything else fell away, and she fell back against the bed, blind and hot and struggling to breathe.

"Bernie..."

She whispered, eyes still closed.

"Bernie..."

It was a smile through a breath. Bernie Wolfe was electricity, and she, in her presence, was the whole world set alight.

-.-

I will update again tomorrow. Thank you SO MUCH (again) for the reviews 3 xxx


	12. Chapter 12

"Bernie..."

She clutched hold of the wrist above her waist band.

She was breathless and panting. She could feel her blood, just beneath her skin, and the thundering of it within her ears.

Bernie smiled and kissed her, holding the moment, sighing as they parted, remaining only a breath from one another's lips.

"I've never felt..."

Serena exhaled all at once, smiled, swallowed, eyes upon Bernie's. There simply were no words to describe it.

She felt as though she were coming down from the most glorious, delicious high. Every part of her felt alive and at peace all at once. She smiled again, she felt so whole, so content. Finally, after weeks upon weeks of this love between them building up they were here, lying in each others arms with only the beat of their hearts between them.

She stroked the soft skin of Bernie's forearm, flinching slightly as Bernie's slowly eased her hand from her underwear and curled it up behind Serena's back between her shoulder blades.

"You've made me so happy..."

She whispered, and Bernie glanced back at her, her face so close on the pillow. Every line on her skin was visible, the tiny blonde hairs, the amber brown of her eyes and the slight smudge of mascara beneath one.

She could feel the heat of her, of Bernie's body, could feel how tense she was, how much she craved the same release that she had given Serena.

She shifted slightly, reached down with both hands and began to push down her underwear so that she could kick it from her feet onto the floor.

With eyebrows raised in silent question Bernie shivered as Serena reached out with shaking fingers for the black cotton of Bernie's underwear, pressing her lips together and swallowing as Bernie gave an almost imperceptible tilt of her hips, easing herself up so that she could remove them.

Then, without giving herself a moment to second guess herself, she sat up, taking her by surprise.

As gracefully as she could with limbs weak from pleasure, she curled herself over Bernie in a half straddle, settling down above her with one thigh between Bernie's so that she had no option but to part her legs.

"I should've known you'd want to be in control."

Bernie spoke through a breathy laugh, arcing her back, a creeping pink flush upon her chest, nipples stiff, her mouth partially open, eyes watching Serena's every move.

"Oh I don't know, I have been known to fantasise about your being in charge...holding me down perhaps?"

She spoke coyly with a bite of her bottom lip.

"I'll remember that."

Bernie murmured, somewhat distracted by the path of Serena's hand.

Everything seemed suddenly too much in the most glorious way, this body against her own. Bernie's body. She wanted to make her feel as she had made her feel. She let her fingertips brush the skin of her hip, and she gave an involuntary buck and her head rolled back a fraction of an inch, a breathy moan escaping her lips.

"Hardly fair to leave you...like this-"

She hardly meant to speak out loud, her words a mere dazed murmur.

Slowly she lowered herself down, hesitating, before taking Bernie's right breast in her hand and the nipple of the other into her mouth _._ She sucked slowly and greedily on her flesh, delighting in the way Bernie's hands grasped at her, how her body moved and writhed beneath her, and how she gasped and struggled to catch her breath.

If this were a dance it would have been a first dance, clumsy and nervous, but hot and heady and filled with so much love that as Serena's body moved above her, Bernie felt she might come just from the warmth of Serena's mouth across her chest from one breast to the other. She felt a bloom of heat and nervousness shiver through her veins as her hand crept lower. She hadn't expected her to be so hot, so wet, and so, so soft, and the noises she made! Moans that caught in her throat and gasps that left her lips parted and her eyes shut tight, her body moving so fluidly beneath her that it hardly seemed possible that what she was doing was the cause of it.

 _This is what I want._ It was an epiphany that caused Serena to push down ever harder as her fingers moved inside of the other woman. This was what she had wanted for so many weeks...perhaps even longer, though she hadn't realised it...allowed herself to realise it...her mouth, her body, every atom that made up her body simply wanted Bernie. Bernie who was moaning her name and tightening and writhing about her fingers.

She shifted higher, needing to kiss her, to feel those gasps against her kisses.  
"Don't stop, please,"

Bernie whispered into her mouth, meeting every inelegant thrust of Serena's fingers and the rub of her thumb with surprising grace, looking at Serena through half closed eyes as though she had been lost to her for a thousand years and had finally found her.

And then, with a frown, and a jerk of her hips she turned her face against the pillow and grasped Serena's upper arm with her hands, her fingers digging in to soft skin as she came, tensing and flailing, moaning a guttural ' _God..'_

Serena was holding her breath and she hadn't realised, keeping her hand where it was, her fingers deep and warm within Bernie, until the blonde released a long breath and opened her eyes and she eased them out carefully.

She looked down at Serena, leaning up beside her, a tentative, hopeful smile behind her eyes.

"I'm impressed."

She whispered, clearing her throat as her words croaked.

"Thank you Major."

She glanced away, down the length of Bernie's body, her cheeks warm and glowing, her eyes falling in love with every rise and fall of this woman lying next to her, with her legs still parted but her knees drawn up slightly, her chest, still flushed, her lips swollen and pink.

"Sleep with me."

Bernie held out her arm with a lazy gesture of her hand.

Without a word Serena eased herself down into the warmth beside Bernie, her head in the hollow of her shoulder.

"I love you..."

She whispered against damp skin.

She felt the slow press of Bernie's lips against the top of her head.

"I love you, Serena."

She murmured, already half asleep.

Serena closed her eyes, a smile at the very corners of her lips, enjoying the closeness as she drifted in between sleep and wakefulness. Enjoying the closeness of their bodies lying naked in the light of the stars, bodies soon to learn each other's rhythms and sleep sounds, to know the turnings and breathing's, to know not to worry about that cough or that brief garbled grunt, that wildly flung arm or that stone-cold foot. Bodies that would soon know each other's night selves as well as well as they knew themselves.


	13. Chapter 13

Just a quick note to say that you can all rest assured that this is going to be an ongoing story. I think it's safe to say that I can imagine this hitting the 100,000 word mark, and beyond. I've got it all planned out...

Also, I would like to say just how much I appreciate the reviews (over 100, how did that happen!?), messages, tweets, facebook messages and tumblr posts(!). They inspire me, and make me VERY happy indeed! I'm smiling into my cup of tea as I type just thinking about them.

3

-.-

Quickly it seemed the weeks passed. September became mid-October. October with it's sly, haunted feel and the air so alive with energy.

Every day the days grew shorter one by one, mornings left the world blue and cold with the promise of a hard winter, and the evenings crept in, darker and darker with a brittle chill that made the inside of your nose crinkle and the hairs on your arms stand up as you undressed.

 _October._

Serena smiled as she stood, framed by her bedroom window looking out into the early morning. The sky was a clear blue-grey, stars high and bright, blinking and beautiful, if only for a moment before the skyline burned up with the sunrise.

She let her eyes fall closed until she felt the frail warmth upon her face and the orange glare upon her eyelids, before she opening them again.

Beyond the city the pale sky was bordered with bands of crimson and gold. Their brightness stretched as far as she could see, though night was still shadowy high up above her, and the glass in the city buildings gleamed like sheets of silver between shadows.

Birds began to call; the soft breathy murmuring of doves on the roof, the pretty song of the blackbird in the birch tree, and screaming gulls flew overhead, beating against the dawn wind.

A crow rose from the trees with a sharp craw, and one after another the birds of his flock answered him as they rose and followed with a beating of strong black wings into the glory of the sunrise.

Shafts of golden light shot higher and higher, until their brightness touched the very edge of her window sill and she couldn't help but splay her hands into it's warmth as the sun, a golden ball, rolled over the eastern edge of the world.

Serena breathed a long breath. How much could change in just under a month.

Silently she withdrew from the window. From the bathroom came the gentle hiss of the shower and the rumble of water in the pipes as Bernie showered. The door was ajar and little curls of grey-white steam seeped from beneath it.

She smiled again as she made the bed, fingers lingering upon the pillow that Bernie had slept on. In all these weeks that had passed they had scarce spent any time apart. By day they had moved together about the ward, working in tandem, as though they had become different parts of the same body. Theatre had become the dance of two people in perfect rhythm, and by the end of the day they would take Serena's car, carefully choosing to ignore the implications of such a bold display of togetherness, and they would go back to Serena's.

Evening after evening was spent cooking, pressing up against one another in the kitchen in fleeting moments hidden from Jason where they would smile, and whisper, and touch.

Then came the hour of quiz shows, and the hour of documentaries after that they would sit through, patiently, with Serena curled up into the corner of the sofa, her toes tucked beneath the warmth of Bernie's thigh, watching from above the rim of her wine glass, watching with happy eyes as Bernie and Jason played as a team whilst watching _Pointless_ , or discussed the routes of old steam trains across the country.

She hummed a breath through her lips. It was all so...perfect, so easy to slip into this life. Much easier than she would have imagined. Still she felt the prickle of anxiety when she made to touch Bernie's cheek whilst they were on the ward, and she had to snatch her hand away and hold it against her chest to stop her from making such a move again, or the jolt of worry when she thought about telling Elinor and Jason...but these were only little things, she told herself, little things that she worried about at three in the morning but managed to forget about during the day.

-.-

Bernie turned her face up into the beat of the water from above her, steam smothering her, hot water in her eyes and hair, running in silvery rivulets down her throat, pooling briefly in the hollows of her collar bone before spilling over, skimming the rise of her breasts, and down, down... The smell of the soap and shampoo was Serena, as though she were washing in Serena's, absorbing her, replacing herself with her.

She lowered her face and smiled into the steam as she ran her soaped hands over her body, tracing paths that Serena's had taken so eagerly so many times. She felt sore between her legs, a gentle aching pulse. It had been a long time since she had been touched so intimately so frequently, and she was certainly feeling it, not just between her legs, but in the ache of her arms, the creak of her knees when she stood and the twinge of her back if she turned too sharply. Still, these were sacrifices that she was only too happy to make.

She smiled again at the thought.

 _Serena._

She whispered her name into the water, loving every syllable.

Serena with her morning hair stuck up and fluffy on one side, her eyes sleepy and such a dark brown, darker than her own. How she loved the furrow between her eyebrows and the dimple of her chin...the way her lips trembled against a smile when, nervously, she would place a hurried kiss to her lips in a deserted corridor, or in the lift on the way up to the ward.

She turned beneath the running water, rinsing her body before turning off the shower and taking a moment to ring out her hair before drawing back the door and stepping, shivering, into the bathroom.

The door creaked as she wrapped a towel about herself, her skin rising in goosebumps against the sudden rush of cold air.

"You're too late."

Bernie's eyes sparkled, quirking an eyebrow as she gestured with the towel against her chest and Serena pressed her lips against a smile.

"I've set your clothes out on the bed."

Serena said quietly, reaching out for Bernie's free hand as she murmured her thanks, drawing her closer, needing to touch her.

"You'll get wet..."

Bernie warned, her hair still dripping as Serena raised her eyebrows, tugging her closer nonetheless and drawing her in for a hug.

"I already am."

She whispered against the damp hair behind Bernie's ear, making her shiver.

Bernie's arms wrapped about her, holding her close, fingers tracing the line of her bra strap across her shoulder blade.

"I'll make you wetter?"

It was a murmured question to which Serena replied with a silent laugh, her own hands upon Bernie's warm damp back.

"I'm afraid it's breakfast time, but if you would like to be the one to explain to Jason why his porridge isn't on the table at precisely seven fifteen then be my guest..."

She pulled back enough so that she could rest her head against the wall, looking back at Bernie, her face flushed from the shower, her fringe pushed back into her hair making her eyes look even larger despite the amused glimmer within them.

"I think I'll pass..."

Bernie grinned, leaning in to kiss Serena gently before pulling away again, well aware that time was moving faster than she was, and the paperwork that she had been putting off all week was already going to take up more time than she had left.

"I'll meet you downstairs. Coffee?"

"Please."

They moved apart with a sigh, fingers squeezing together briefly before Serena slipped from the room once more, the creak of the landing and the sound of Jason clearing his throat sounding from outside her bedroom door. She smoothed her shirt down over her stomach and touched her fingers to the door handle as she did every day, readying herself for the day to begin no matter what it may bring.

-.-

I will update again this evening xxx


	14. Chapter 14

"Could you move a little faster, please, some of us have paperwork to get done..."

Bernie shifted from one foot to the other, oblivious to the alarm upon the young boys face as he struggled to press the lid down on the takeaway coffee before passing it to her with trembling hands.

Serena watched her take the coffee between both hands, interlinking her fingers and holding it close to her chest. She was stressed, Serena could see it in her eyes and in the way that she held herself - tense and stiff as though she may snap without warning.

"Who's afraid of Berenice Wolfe?"

She murmured, leaning affectionately against Bernie as they squeezed past the end of the queue to the door and out into the corridor.

"All of them, I hope."

Bernie winked, not missing the reference, making sure to keep close to the other woman as they neared the office.

"Touché."

Serena smiled, coming to a halt whilst Bernie held open the office door with her free hand, letting her pass before closing it behind them.

There was a moment of silence as they shed bags and scarves and turned their computers on in unison, the familiar whirr and hum of technology filling the room.

"What _IS_ that a picture of?"

Bernie asked suddenly, setting her coffee down on her desk. Serena glanced up from where she was arranging her coat over the back of her chair, a frown between her eyes.

"I think it's..."

She paused, her frown deepening as she looked at the picture hanging behind Bernie's desk to the left. It seemed to have been there forever and yet she had never really noticed it before.

"I don't know."

She conceded, head on the tilt, mirroring Bernie.

"I think we should replace it with something with a bit more...meaning?"

Bernie shrugged her coat from her shoulders as she spoke, turning back to face Serena from behind her desk.

"Such as?"

"Oh I don't know? Portrait of Sappho? Ellen DeGeneres? ...Xena Warrior Princess?"

She raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Xena was a lesbian?!"

"Subtext..."

Bernie murmured with another wink as she settled down into her chair.

"I'm not sure Hanssen would approve..."

"Of Xena being a lesbian?"

Bernie's lips were pursed against a smile as Serena gave a theatrical roll of her eyes.

"You know very well what I mean."

She murmured, catching sight of a shadow behind the blinds of the office door, a sharp knock sounding in the small room.

"Come in?"

Both women called at once.

Raf opened the door, looking between the two women with wide eyes.

"Young boy coming up from the ED needs your attention...he's got several pins embedded in his..."

He paused, faltered against a smile.

"...he sat on them."

"He sat on them?"

Serena repeated.

"They were stuck to his seat at school...point up. Got into quite a lot of trouble with his teacher apparently..."

Bernie raised her eyebrows across the desks at Serena who exhaled slowly.

"Joint effort?"

Bernie offered, setting her hands upon the arms of her chair, readying herself to stand up again.

"I'd better if only to speak on your behalf when you start laughing!"

Serena sighed, hauling herself from the comfort of her chair.

"I don't know what you mean."

Bernie smirked, batting Serena with the back of her hand as she gestured with an elegant sweep of her arm for her to exit the room first.

-.-

Only a short update I'm afraid. Much shorter than planned but I have to have a pet put down tomorrow and am not feeling myself.

I will update again soon and I apologise for the quality of this chapter xxx


	15. Chapter 15

"Hello Ben, I'm Ms Campbell...Serena."

The little boy lying on his side in the bed looked up from the book that he was reading, his blonde hair almost reached his eyes and he crinkled up his nose as he peered at them through his glasses.

"I hear you got into a bit of trouble at school today for sitting on some pins?"

Serena asked, reaching for his notes.

"No...I got into trouble for getting up off them."

He answered, watching Serena flip through the pages, her dark eyes flickering up only to catch Bernie suck in her cheeks, restraining a laugh.

"We were supposed to be sitting still for registration."

He added quietly.

Serena gave a sigh and raised an eyebrow at Bernie, noticing how the corners of her mouth twitched and she narrowed her eyes, glancing about the ward.

"I knew it."

She murmured, making her way around to the other side of the bed.

From somewhere on the ward there was the buffeting of the double doors and a trolley rumbled in, wheels clashing and squeaking on the floor as a porter wheeled the patient into the bay next to them, the curtain drawing closed with a clattering swish.

"Do you have a parent or carer with you?"

She asked, setting the notes back down again, using her fingers to tap down the stray corner of a page that was sticking up between the files edges.

"My Mum's here, she's gone to phone my dad."

"Right, OK, well, when she gets back we'll take a look and see what we can do about removing the pins."

She glanced across at Bernie who pushed her hands deep into the pockets of her black jeans, her head lowered though her eyes were raised, watching her from beneath her fringe.

"H-how did you end up sitting on them?"

Serena asked, struggling to look away.

"Someone glued them onto my seat."

"And you didn't see them?"

Bernie asked, her fingers moving beneath the fabric of her pockets.

"No I saw them, but someone pushed me down onto them."

Ben said quietly, pushing his glasses up his nose as he returned to the pages of his book.

A flicker of concern flared behind Bernie's eyes and silently she eased up a chair to sit next to him.

"Was this a friend of yours?"

She asked, her voice surprisingly gentle. Serena couldn't help but smile at the sight of the other woman sat closely by the little boy, hands clasped neatly upon her knees as she leaned forwards.

"No, he's always picking on me, pushing me and kicking me...he's an idiot."

"Have you mentioned it to a member of staff at your school?"

The boy shook his head and flicked the page corners with his thumb.

"His dad's not very well, the teachers won't listen because they're feeling sorry for him."

He stilled the movements of his thumb and huffed out a sigh.

"Well, it's not fair on you to bare the brunt of his behavior. It shouldn't be tolerated, regardless of whether his father is unwell or not."

"Have you tried talking to him, this boy? I don't want to make excuses for him, but perhaps he's lashing out because he needs somebody to be his friend...to talk to?"

Serena cut in, making her way slowly back around the bed to stand behind Bernie, resisting the urge to place a hand upon her shoulder.

"Mikey doesn't listen to anyone."

The boy sighed, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of such a suggestion.

"Mikey?"

Bernie repeated.

"That's his name."

"What's his surname?"

She asked raising her eyes to Serena, knowing the answer even before it was spoken,the brunette touching a hand to her head, sighing heavily.

"Fletcher."

"Ah."

Bernie placed her hands on her knees and looked back at him again, pursing her lips, a frown between her eyes.

She paused, licked her lips and attempted an encouraging smile.

"I think it would be wise to tell somebody at school. A teacher who you like, or trust to be able to deal with this appropriately?"

Ben looked up at her, his eyes a dark green flecked with blue.

"Can you tell them for me?"

He asked quietly, forcing the words out as though he desperately wanted her to say _yes_.

"Well I...that's not really..."

She faltered, felt Serena's fingers gently touch her shoulder, and out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of a woman hurrying towards them, phone in hand.

"How about we have a chat with your mum? Perhaps she could have a word on your behalf?"

"On my what?"

Bernie smiled.

"She might be able to speak to a teacher for you."

The hand upon her shoulder slipped away as Ben's mother approached with a worried smile.

"Right, let's get on shall we?"

Serena spoke from behind her.

-.-

3 thank you for the lovely messages, there will be another update very soon...xxx


	16. Chapter 16

Serena cast a distracted glance across the ward, more patients notes held tightly against her chest. More to add to the growing pile. She imagined Bernie's expression when she saw them, exasperated at the mounting pile between the two desks. Paperwork never had been the other woman's strong point.

A small smile quivered at her lips as she slipped through the double doors, exiting the ward before she was collared again. She had spent over an hour convincing a patient to sign a consent form to have something a simple exploratory operation. Today certainly wasn't going as smoothly as she had hoped...

She huffed out a breath as she hurried along the corridor, elbow knocking against the wall. Nowhere was the chronic under-funding more evident than in the hallways. Abandoned wheelchairs had been left in disused side rooms, some tended by strained porters glued to their mobile phones. Above her the naked fluorescent strip lighting flickered as though on their last legs and the pale pink walls were deeply scored by metal framed beds, the drywall showing though like white scars and the cheap prints hung on the walls were so insipid, so lacking in vibrancy that they appeared sun-bleached in this windowless strip.

"Serena?"

A hurried step from some distance behind her made her stop, and she turned, already smiling, her breath in her throat and a flutter within her chest. This reaction to the mere sight of Bernie never failed to amaze her.

"How's Ben doing?"

She asked as Bernie caught up with her, and they fell into step, shoes silent upon the tiled floor.

"Fine, fine. Pins out. As for the situation with Mikey..."

She handed Serena one of the the coffees she was carrying and drew in a breath.

"Thank you..."

Serena adjusted the files beneath one arm, the cardboard coffee cup warm beneath her fingers.

"Leave that to the school to sort out, hmm?"

"Yes but what's Fletch going to think when he finds out!?"

Bernie raised the coffee to her lips, sipping, wincing against the burn of it against her tongue and swallowing hurriedly.

"I'll speak to Raf, presumably the school will contact him on Flecth's behalf. I'll give him the number of a children's counselor."

"Do you think he needs one?"

She asked, and Serena drew up her shoulders in a half-shrug.

"Cant hurt."

She sighed. Bernie nodded slowly before sucking in a breath.

"Anyway!"

She drummed her fingers along the ridges around the middle of the coffee cup.

"I've been meaning to ask...There's an independent screening of _Carol_ at the Regent theatre tonight... I just saw the poster on the noticeboard in Pulses..."

She let her words tail off and Serena cast her a sideways look, one eyebrow raising only slightly.

"Oh yes?"

"It's a...It's a lesbian...film."

Bernie lowered her voice and turned herself inwards as a trolley was wheeled past them.

"I'm aware of that."

Serena said quietly.

"It's to raise money for a new roof for the LGBT centre."

"I thought it was just churches and schools who raised funds for new roofs?"

Serena smiled, lips pressing together, eyes glittering.

"Well I suppose everyone needs a new roof at some point..."

"How very philosophical of you."

Serena murmured as Bernie used one hand to remove a hair from her eye, glancing down at the floor.

"Would you like to go?"

She asked softly.

"Out in public with Bernie Wolfe?"

She couldn't help the flutter of panic laced excitement within her chest.

"Well, I could sit a few rows behind you, if you'd prefer?"

Serena laughed and glanced down at her hands.

"Our first date."

She whispered, all too aware of the other people in the corridor.

"I'll take you out to dinner too, if you're lucky."

Bernie's voice was low at her ear and she bit her lip against a smile.

"Steady on Soldier."

She looked up at Bernie, eyes shining.

"I'd love to."

She added quietly.

-.-

More soon. Perhaps tonight if I can find the time. It will soon get more exciting, I promise..I am interested in what people prefer to read though? Fluff? Sex? Angst? Drama? I'd love to hear xxx


	17. Chapter 17

Serena hurried back and forth between the mirror and her dressing table. When had something as simple as going out for dinner become such hard work, she wondered?

She had spent most of the evening trying on a myriad of outfits, each one more disastrous than the one before it. Most, in her opinion, had made her look either, old, frumpy, or fat, or a disappointing mixture of all three. Even her fail safe options had pinched her at her waist and made her uncomfortable. Had she somehow put on weight in the few short weeks of their relationship?! If she had she couldn't see how, surely all of this nervousness alone should have burned off a few extra calories...

It had taken her well over an hour to finally decide upon a simple long sleeved black top with a scooped neckline, over which she had tugged on a long thin black cardigan, left open and loose to hide a variety of sins. Black trousers and shoes completed the look.

Then it was just the troublesome, tiresome task of make up. A job which she already knew would be a losing battle. The entirely black outfit had washed her out, and three times now she had applied red lipstick and then wiped it off again, so that now her lips were sore and plump and tinged with a faded rouge.

For one fleeting moment she wondered what Bernie would be wearing. Would she be wearing black too? She often did...would this be too much? Too black...together?

She huffed out a breath and sat down heavily upon the side of the bed, looking back at herself in the mirror. It was a relief to sit down after all that pacing about. Her legs were shaking and a muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of her eye, her mouth a rigid grimace.

Her stomach shifted uneasily and she noticed that the hands that she held within her lap were so tightly clasped that she was pinching into her skin. She released them with a sigh only to find she didn't know what to do with them, so instead she clasped and unclasped them as if in constant need of touch and reassurance.

Another quick glance at the clock by her bedside only confirmed that she was running out of time, her stomach knotted up. Bernie would be here any moment. Perhaps even now she was pulling into the drive...

She took another look into the mirror from where she sat, sighing, defeated. It was hopeless, she decided. Whatever she did wouldn't change anything. She was bloated; probably the amount of bread she had eaten at lunch time, there was a strained expression behind her eyes that she couldn't seem to shift and there was a small tuft of hair just above her right ear that just would not stay down no matter what she did with it.

She felt sick and heavy and light as air and full of butterflies all at once. It was an impossible feeling, as though she might suddenly just fall into a million pieces.

At that moment the doorbell rang, and she whimpered aloud into the room as she heard the door open and Jason calling for her up the stairs. _Must his voice be that loud!?_

She closed her eyes, drew in a breath and stood up, adjusting her trousers at her waist, almost making it to the door before rushing back over to the dressing table and reapplying the red lipstick, then, with a quick frown to the tuft of unruly hair, she left the room and made her way downstairs.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs she saw Bernie turn her head, mouth open, mid-conversation with Jason.

"Wow, you look..."

Jason was still talking to her but she heard nothing, she only widened her eyes as she looked her up and down.

"Incredible."

She whispered. Serena blushed and lowered her gaze only for a moment, looking back up almost instantly. Bernie...Bernie looked...well, she looked...

"I don't think I've ever seen you look so..."

She gushed all at once and then stopped, swallowed. Already she could feel the burn of her cheeks.

"So...?"

Bernie coaxed, turning properly now, slow movements that only made Serena feel even more giddy.

"Sexy."

She whispered before she could stop herself, eyes hopeful, catching the light. It was not a word she cared much for, certainly not a word she could remember using before, but there was simply no other way to describe how the other woman looked.

Bernie sucked in her cheeks against a smile and glanced down between them. Her hair was loose and wavy, as it always was, in fact she wore little make up at all and yet she looked even more beautiful than she usually did. But it was the white shirt with the top three buttons undone, tucked into black skinny jeans, boots, and a black suit jacket that made Serena feel as though her heart might start beating right out of her chest, and her mouth feel so dry that it hurt to swallow.

"You're both behaving rather strangely."

Jason said suddenly, his voice loud in the hallway.

"Are you going out or not?"

Bernie raised her eyebrows and Serena laughed a breathy nervous laugh.

"Yes, Jason. Sorry, I uh-"

She looked to Bernie.

"Ready?"

Bernie asked. There was such a look of concealed excitement behind her eyes, as though she were keeping the most delicious secret.

"Yes."

She nodded, only vaguely aware that she had spoken, and touched Jason briefly on the shoulder, standing on tip toes so that she could kiss him gently on the cheek,.

"You'll be OK?"

"Yes. I have both yours and Bernie's phone numbers in case I need you so I will be OK."

Jason gave her a wide smile, his blue eyes so pale under the light.

"There's a plate of food in the fridge to warm up..."

"Yes I know, you already told me that."

He smiled again and she drew in a breath through her nose. She knew she was being silly, though she couldn't help but worry.

"Yes...yes. Sorry."

She exhaled and squeezed his arm before turning back to Bernie, adjusting her bag on her shoulder.

Without a word Bernie cocked out an elbow for her to take, her hands pushed into her pockets.

"Goodbye Jason."

She called as they stepped out into the cold.

-.-

Lola Tomlinson - your comment really made me smile. I spend so much time worrying about, and re-writing the dialogue so that it sounds like them, so I'm so pleased that you feel I've successfully captured their characters! x

Becca - Thank you :) I wont x

Icequeen84 (and everyone else who asked about sex scenes) there will be another one very soon, after their date night. x

Saz85 - Interesting idea! I'll see what I can do for you ;) x

Sian - I promise I won't. There will be angst and drama along the way, but this is a story that has a happy ending x

Slenderpanda597 - I will put another 'legs' mention in just for you x

Thank you to everyone else, too, it's lovely to hear from people who haven't reviewed before, and I love hearing from the same people each time. THANK YOU! More later today...xxx


	18. Chapter 18

The Regent theatre was a little theatre with a single cinema screen in the centre of the city, a red brick building with gold Art Deco lettering high above the entrance.

The taxi dropped them off a little way off, not far from the restaurant that they would dine in afterwards, and they walked the short distance from the car to the theatre, Serena's hand tucked neatly into the warm crook of Bernie's elbow.

The wind tossed Bernie's hair and made them bow their heads against the strength of it, leaves in a every shade of autumn gusted and rustled against the curbs, crunching beneath their feet. A Styrofoam cup rattled across the road and stopped in a rain pooled gutter flecked with cigarette butts and screwed up lottery tickets. From somewhere a dog barked, the sound echoing and bouncing through alley ways, the wind casting it this way and that, making it impossible to tell from which direction it came, and everywhere people were milling about; couples in coats with trailing scarves, caught by the wind and cast out behind them like streamers, fingers swiping wind swept hair from cold-flushed faces, families slipping into restaurants, laughing, or chasing their children up the street, catching them by wayward arms or the hoods of coats, and individuals with bowed heads, business men in suits and tightly tucked in grey scarves, phones to their ears.

Everywhere about them the dark was deepening. Music murmured from behind opening and closing bar doors, somewhere a busker was singing the last few bars of _Suffragette City,_ and the city rose to blackness and the star-spangled skyscrapers shone brilliantly into the never ending night, and in the clear air above them the large stars hung low, while the city sung a wandering song of it's own.

They stepped quickly against damp pavements, glistening from the days rainfall, though now the air was dry, and the city smelled of the warmth of spices and herbs and freshly baked bread, everywhere around them food was cooking in restaurants, and the smell of hot sugared doughnuts hung syrupy sweet in the air from the street vendor and Bernie's perfume seemed impossible not to inhale, drawing Serena in with every breath causing a bubble of elated hysteria that threatened to make her laugh out loud as she glanced up and down the street as they crossed from one side to the other.

Grates rattled as they were pulled down over shop fronts, and the hiss of a bus stopping came from somewhere behind them.

Serena tightened her grip on Bernie's arm as they approached the theatre. All along one side wall were posters for _Carol_ behind plastic screens interspersed with large white posters with rainbow stripes detailing the fundraiser, how much they would need, what they planned to do with the money...

She looked at the other people in the queue with interest. It was as though she had been granted access to another world that she had hardly noticed before. Everything was new and colourful and exciting, and, she realised with a start, these people didn't care who she was or what she did, let along who she loved, and all of a sudden, among this group of strangers, she relaxed for the first time in weeks.

She looked between the faces surrounding her, young, old, middle aged like herself, all women save a scattering of men, all together, holding hands, standing apart, touching, laughing, talking.

She felt a thrill, standing there, a rainbow flag above their heads and Bernie by her side as they queued, as though she were doing something wonderful and rebellious all at once.

As the time neared 7:30 the doors were opened and two men stood on either side of the door, welcoming them in. Serena faltered suddenly as the queue went down, a hand upon Bernie's upper arm.

"Bernie...Bernie..."

She leaned closer.

"It's Dom."

"What?"

Bernie looked at her as Serena widened her eyes, frowning and tilting her head in the direction of the doors. Bernie followed the tilt of her head, her eyes scanning the crowd until she spotted him, one of the men holding open the doors, accepting tickets.

"What do we..."

"Do you want to leave?"

Bernie asked suddenly, her voice a whisper.

Serena looked again to Dom, standing by the door, ushering people in, ripping stubs from tickets and smiling widely.

"No."

She whispered, then swallowed.

"No."

She said more firmly, looking back up at Bernie as they edged closer to the door, only two couples ahead of them, then one, then Dom's eyes met theirs and it took him a millisecond to fit the two people before him into this moment.

"Well, well, well..."

"Mr Copeland."

Bernie arced an eyebrow as she presented him with the tickets, silencing him with nothing but a look.

"Bit formal for a volunteer."

He gestured with an elegant turn of his free hand to the badge on his chest. _LGBT centre: VOLUNTEER._

"Thank you."

She said as she accepted the ticket halves and pressed a hand to the base of Serena's spine, urging her forwards, well aware of the burning pink of Serena's cheeks and how she glanced at the floor, her hands twisting tightly together.

"He won't say anything."

Bernie murmured as she drew Serena down to the middle row of double seats, edging sideways between them to the centre.

"What're you going to do? Knee-cap him?

She glanced up from lowered eyes as she sat down, surprising Bernie with an amused purse of her lips,and she tugged down the hem of her top as Bernie laughed.

"No."

She leaned closer.

The lights were dim and the air was warm and smelled of sweet popcorn and fizzy drinks.

For the second time that night it struck her that these people in the seats around them didn't know them...and for all they knew the two of them were a perfectly normal lesbian couple. She smiled to herself and looked down at her fingers in her lap, her eyes struggling to focus in the dimness.

Bernie leaned forwards with a noise of discomfort, reaching down for her bag that she had set between her feet.

"What're you doing?"

Serena squinted into the dark of the foot well, only the glint of the zipper on Bernie's bag catching the light.

"Thought you might like a drink?"

She sat up, bottle in hand.

"Shiraz?!"

Serena exclaimed through a laugh of surprise.

"Of course...plastic cups though I'm afraid"

"Oh how very upper class."

She smiled, eyes flickering to Bernie's lips, and then, boldly, she leaned forwards and kissed her sweetly upon the mouth, a smile twitching her lips.

-.-

I apologise if this is too wordy, I know some of you aren't that keen on it. I will update again tomorrow Xxx


	19. Chapter 19

Apologies for not updating yesterday. I didn't realise it was Thursday, or how busy I was going to be. I'll update a few times today to make up for it.

And to the guest who reviewed and said they had never reviewed on a fan fiction before, thank you ever so much! xxx

-.-

The lights from the foyer made them squint as they passed through the various groups of people standing, talking, laughing and quoting lines from the film whilst the music still played from behind them and the credits still rolled.

Bernie's fingers held onto the strap of her bag upon her shoulder, her other hand gently touching against Serena's lower back to guide her forwards.

She could hear Serena talking, but couldn't quite hear what she was saying, though she had a good idea, the other woman hadn't stopped talking about the film since the moment it had ended.

"So, how did you enjoy the film?"

A voice so close caught them by surprise. Dom was leaning against the wall to one side of the exit, partly obscured by the door, eyes smiling, mouth pursed. Serena slipped her hand into Bernie's arm.

"Oh it was beautiful!"

She gushed without thinking, her entire body seemed to glow beneath the soft yellow lighting, her cheeks warm from the wine and her eyes were sparkling with so much happiness that she seemed unable to contain it within her body, suppressing little smiles and squeezing Bernie's arm every few moments. It was such a release! To be free and open, such a rush!

He looked slowly from Serena to Bernie, and then back again.

"I'm sorry, but I have to ask...are you two..."

He gestured between the two of them with his fingers, frowning slightly.

Bernie glanced quickly to Serena who paused, gathered herself in with a deep breath and exhaled, looking back at Bernie with so much love dancing and glittering behind her eyes that it seemed silly that she had to answer such a question at all.

"We'd uh..."

She cast her eyes from Bernie across the black carpeted floor to Dom.

"We'd be very grateful if you kept it to yourself...It's really very early days..."

She was bold from the wine she had drunk on an empty stomach and freed by the sense of safety of being surrounded by so many people who would never think to judge them.

"Say no more."

He gave a nod of his head, pursing his lips against a smile.

"Though I have to say I'm not surprised."

He added slowly, glancing away at the people milling around them.

"You're not?"

He shook his head.

"Come on, I've seen the way you look at each other."

He noted Serena's sudden alarm, her smile that faltered and how her eyebrows drew up in the middle.

"But don't worry! I'd know if anyone else had."

He said hurriedly, shifting his weight against the side of the door that he was holding open.

"And I certainly won't say anything."

He added.

"Thank you."

Both Serena and Bernie spoke at the same time, a single nod of the head from Bernie and a flushed wavering smile from Serena as they moved away, rejoining the crowd that filtered through the doors, back into the cold night air.

They walked a few steps in silence, each with their own thoughts, Serena's hand tightly encased in the crook of Bernie's arm, their footsteps in unison and their breath clouding white in front of them, burning into yellow as they passed beneath a street lamp and stopped to cross the road.

"Hungry?"

Bernie asked, looking both ways before they crossed.

"Ravenous."

Bernie tilted her head closer.

"Are you worrying about Dom?"

She asked, turning her body inwards as her coat sleeve brushed against a hedge sending out a spray of sparkling raindrops onto the already damp path behind them.

Serena smiled and shook her head.

"Actually I was thinking about the film."

"Oh?"

Serena's face fell suddenly and she sighed without meaning to.

"Imagine living in a time like that...Imagine _you and I_ in a time like that. Can you imagine what Edward and Marcus would think...would _do?"_

"I dread to imagine."

Serena squeezed her close and rested her cheek briefly against the shoulder of Bernie's trench coat, neither of them saying anything else as they approached the door of the restaurant, a long low building with a glass frontage and a black awning that saved them from the on coming drizzle of rain.

Inside the restaurant Bernie greeted the maître d' with a nod of her head and a murmur of her name that was barely audible above the hum and murmur of voices from other tables, the outbursts of laughter and the gentle ever present chink of cutlery against crockery.

They were led to a table for two by the window, a vase of beautiful white roses between them set next to a small flickering candle.

Serena edged her seat in towards the gnarled oak table as she sat down, the chair legs scraping against the slate floor.

"Do you think we look..."

She cast an eye about herself and Bernie raised her eyebrows in silent question.

"Like a couple?"

She asked, turning back to Bernie, but there was none of her usual anxiety in the question, no hushed voice or wide eyed look, just simple curiosity.

Bernie smiled the briefest of smiles and brushed the hair from her eyes.

"I don't know, would you like me to ask someone?"

She asked with an amused tilt of her head.

"No, no..."

Serena laughed and touched her fingers to her mouth. Her head felt slow and warm from the wine in the cinema, and clouded with the rose-tinted veil that comes from watching a beautiful film.

"No."

She said again, wishing she were brave enough to reach across to take Bernie's hand within her own.

The menu was bought over by a young man of about Jason's age, with slicked back dark hair and wide set blue eyes. He smiled broadly, showing very straight, very white teeth and set their menu's down neatly in front of them.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

He asked in a somewhat surprising Northern Irish accent.

"Bottle of Shiraz, please..."

It was Bernie that spoke and Serena that bit her lip against yet another sudden surge of affection for the woman opposite her, with her hair that looked a faded blonde in the dim lighting, and her eyes that reflected the burning flicker of the candle flame as she looked across at her.

The waiter gave a nod of his head and retreated, weaving his way skilfully between tables and pushed back chairs as Serena leaned in across the table.

"You look beautiful..."

She murmured, wishing more than ever that she could just reach out to touch-

"Fancy seeing you here, Serena!"

She jumped in her chair, placing a hand flat out on the surface of the table to steady herself and turned sharply.

"Ric!"

She all but choked, her voice high.

He held his wallet in one hand, a bank card in the other. He gave a dip of his head to Bernie.

"Ms Wolfe."

Bernie merely nodded in greeting as Serena opened and closed her mouth one too many times.

"Wh-wh-what are you doing...here?"

She managed to ask eventually.

"Dinner."

He paused, smiled and lowered his voice.

"With Francoise..."

"Oh. Oh! Oh..."

He smiled again, and looked between them.

"Are you here to eat?"

He asked, turning the card between his thumb and forefinger, the gold of it catching the light at every tilt and turn.

"Yes! We uh...we just got here actually."

"It's late?"

"Yes..."

Serena drew in a breath and attempted a trembling smile.

"Actually we've just been to see a film at the Regent."

"Oh?"

He raised his eyebrows, looking again at Bernie.

"Who needs a man, hey?"

He asked. Serena laughed nervously and Bernie glanced behind herself at nothing in particular.

"I'd better get on..."

He gestured with the card he held.

"Good to see you."

He gave another dip of his head as he turned back toward the bar to pay.

"You too...Ric."

Serena let out a breath all at once.

"Must we run into everyone we work with?!"

She sighed and let her head fall into her hand, rubbing her fingers across her forehead.

"Ric of _all_ people! I can't imagine what he must be thinking..."

"Serena..."

Bernie's voice was low and quiet, a breath beneath the other voices of the restaurant that hung in the air around them.

"As far as he's concerned we are just two work colleagues... _friends_...spending time together."

She paused and glanced down at the table.

"Unless you want to start telling people?"

She added cautiously.

Serena let her hand fall back down to the table, mere millimetres from Bernie's own.

"Oh I want to...I do! I...it's just..."

She leant back in her chair, Bernie opposite her, watching her through her fringe.

"Don't you think we should let our families know first?"

"I suppose so."

Bernie smiled slightly.

"I must say Cam picked up on 'us' even before we did..."

"Did he?!"

"Mmm. When he was admitted, just after the crash he...he asked me if I'd found someone new now that Alex was out of the picture."

She paused, noting Serena's frown.

"Meaning you."

"Ah..."

Serena nodded a slow vague nod.

"And then there's Charlotte..."

She gave a roll of her eyes and exhaled, there was no need to finish the end of that particular sentence.

"Perhaps we could try to broach the subject together? You and I, Cam, Charlotte, Elinor and Jason? After all, they're going to have to get to know one another if we're going to be a...proper..."

She slowed down, suddenly realising what she was saying, and cleared her throat as the waiter arrived again and set down two glasses, filling each and setting down the bottle between them.

"Are you ready to order?"

He asked, with another thousand watt smile.

"Oh, no, sorry, we haven't even..."

Bernie touched her fingers to the paper menu with an apologetic smile.

"No problem."

He grinned again, tucking his notepad into his pocket before moving away again.

"A proper?"

Bernie prompted once he had gone.

"Family."

Serena took a large sip of her wine to obscure the word, instead it echoed into the glass making it sound hollow and loud.

"Oh."

Bernie frowned down at the base of the wine bottle.

"Sorry, sorry...for heavens sake its only been a couple of weeks and look at me! Speaking as though I can hear wedding bells."

Bernie raised her eyebrows.

"I don't...I mean I don't hear wedding bells...or...I don't...we don't, I for one would be perfectly happy never to get married again! Unless, unless you wanted...And I certainly don't expect us to be a...family...I just meant...Oh..."

She huffed out a breath and looked down once more to their hands.

"Bernie?"

The mention of Alex burned at the tip of her tongue.

"Mmm?"

Bernie's index finger twitched involuntarily, brushing against the side of Serena's hand.

"Everything with Alex...I know you don't like to talk about it, but sometimes I wonder, sometimes I see you so lost in thought and I can't help but wonder if you're thinking about.."

"Serena."

Bernie's hand slipped over hers, finally, _finally,_ encasing it, squeezing ever so gently.

"Sorry."

"Alex is in the past."

She said quietly, then laughed softly.

"And I think it's fair to say that the majority of my time is spent thinking about you..."

Serena smiled, the familiar creeping of a blush making her lower her eyes to their hands.

"Have you ever..."

"No, never."

"How did you know what I was going to say?"

Serena looked up at her again, surprised.

"You were going to ask me if there were any more women lurking in my past."

Bernie answered with a knowing smile.

"Well I wasn't going to put it quite like _that_."

She slipped her thumb from beneath Bernie's hand so that she could run the tip of it across the side of her knuckle.

"I always knew I was attracted to women as well as men, but apart from a few drunken kisses in my youth...nothing."

Bernie admitted, her voice ever so quiet. Serena nodded thoughtfully.

"Do you think I'm bisexual?"

She asked suddenly and once again Bernie laughed an almost silent laugh.

"Only you can answer that one. But unless I'm very much mistaken, I'm all woman, and you seem to like me..."

"I _love_ you."

She cut her off, eyes shining.

Bernie smiled and looked down to their interlinked hands.

"I'd kiss you but-"

"Go on then."

"What?"

A frown flickered between Bernie's eyes, still the candle burned brightly in the black of her pupils.  
"Kiss me."

Again Bernie faltered.

"Here?"

Serena quirted an eyebrow.

"I dare you."

Her eyes were laughing as she spoke again, and with only a moments pause Bernie leaned across the table, meeting Serena half-way, kissing her gently on the lips.

"I've never been one to turn down a dare."

She murmured, kissing her again before pulling away.

-.-

I will do my very best to update the next chapter as quickly as I can! It _may_ need a very slight trigger warning?

xxx


	20. Chapter 20

I'm waiting for the moment when I accidentally call Serena 'Berena'.

-.-

Back outside on the street they walked aimlessly towards the taxi offices. They were full of good food and even better wine, and the stars were so bright, the air so cold that it made everything seem so much _more_ than it was as they walked, arm in arm, heads bowed together, hearts throbbing with unimaginable happiness whilst all about them the city was alive with lights and music, of glimmering pavements and cars that slowed to give way to groups of staggering girls in high stilettos and very few clothes, calling to each other and laughing.

"Aren't you glad we're not that age any more."

Serena sighed, watching as one of the girls stumbled towards the edge of the pavement, saving herself by only the barest inch before falling to her knees, laughing hysterically whilst all around her girls shrieked and cackled, shouting words that didn't really make much sense at all.

"Can't say I would have behaved like that even if I _were_ that age..."

Bernie replied, preferring not to look.

"They've clearly had far too much to drink.."

Serena hunched herself closer to Bernie as a gust of wind caught the hem of her coat and set it flapping about her thighs.

"Oh, I'm sorry, how many glasses of wine was it that you consumed this evening...are we talking double figures?"

Bernie raised an eyebrow at her and Serena sighed theatrically and rolled her eyes.

"On the contrerry...on the...contary...oh it's a silly word anyway. I'm fine."

She scowled though she puckered her lips against a smile before turning her attention to the road ahead.

"Come on you, let's get home, it's getting legs."

Bernie nudged her gently and Serena laughed out loud but before she could say anything in response, she felt something just swipe the back of her coat, just a gentle flutter of something that was enough to distract her. A leaf perhaps, or a twig from one of the trees that lined that street.

"I have to say I can't wait to get out of these shoes."

She sighed. It was so rare that she would wear shoes with a heel, so rare in fact that each time she did she had forgotten the pain of the previous time.

"Thinking of taking anything else off?"

Bernie asked, grinning as she shot Serena a sideways glance, but before she could reply she felt something else hit against the back of her coat, something heavier this time, and harder, right between the shoulder blades.

"Oi,oi lesbo's!"

It was shouted even before either of them had fully understood what was happening, that it was being shouted at _them,_ by a group of men wielding bottles of beer and polystyrene cartons of kebab leftovers.

"Ignore them."

Bernie whispered, increasing their pace, placing her free hand on top of Serena's that held ever more tightly onto her arm.

Another stone was thrown, hitting Bernie in the back of the knee so hard that it almost made her stumble, and a jeering cry went up from several feet behind them.

Bernie turned sharply, letting go of Serena and standing slightly in front of her.

"Bernie, don't."

Serena breathed, her lips barely moving, her hand reaching out to grasp the fabric of her coat at her elbow.

"Stop. Now."

She shouted. She looked taller and fiercer and she trembled with rage.

The men were coming closer, a group of swaying, staggering men with vicious mouths and wild eyes.

" _Bernie..."_

Serena tried to pull her away, but the group of men kept nearing and Bernie was locked in place, unmoving, her eyes only moving to watch a black BMW crawl past.

"Bernie!"

Serena's voice was louder now, louder than the voices approaching, the laughter, the shouts.

"Tossers."

She hissed under her breath, and turned around again, taking hold of Serena's arm in an awkward grip and pushing her ahead of her.

"What was that?"

A man from behind shouted back.

"Fuck off!"

She shouted suddenly, wildly, loudly. Then the shouting grew louder, the words more vulgar, the footsteps quicker, a bottle was thrown and smashed at Bernie's feet making her falter, and a carton of take away remains hit the side of her coat leaving a streak of brown-red sauce that dripped from the hemline. Without thinking Bernie pushed Serena in through the doorway of a fish and chip shop, the bell above the door jangling fiercely as she slammed it shut.

All of a sudden their was silence.

"Can I help you?"

A vaguely wary voice called from behind them.

Hands slammed palm down onto the glass door making Serena jump and a laughing face stared at them for a split second before disappearing into the night, only their laughter could be heart through the single glazed windows of the little fish and chip shop.

"We're not ordering, we're avoiding homophobic bastards"

Bernie spat as she turned, only then noticing the families with children waiting silently in the queue to their right.

"Sorry."

She cleared her throat, swallowed, her mouth was dry and her entire body was shaking.

"Bernie?"

Again Serena touched her fingers to Bernie's coat.

"I'll ring a cab."

It was only moments before one arrived from a few feet up the street. In silence they slipped into the back seats, sitting without saying a word whilst the taxi passed through street after street, beneath street lamps that blazed and caught the raindrops on the windscreen, flaring and pixelating the night beyond the glass.

Once home, Serena barely noticed when Bernie paid, and she undid her seat belt and slipped from the car as though she were in a dream. Then she was pushing her key into the lock, barely hearing the grate of it, or the squeak of the door as it swung open.

She paused, glanced behind her to where Bernie was standing looking down at the hem of her coat.

She closed the door behind them, making sure to push the bolt across.

"Do you have anything to get this stain out?"

Bernie was already ahead, walking into the kitchen. The light flickered on and she opened the cupboard under the sink, squatting down to look between bottles of bleach, carpet cleaner and washing powder.

"Serena?"

She called, glancing around, realising suddenly that the other woman hadn't followed her into the room.

She made her way back out of the kitchen and stopped short. There, standing at the foot of the stairs, with the door behind her, was Serena, hands limply by her side, one holding the very end of the strap of her bag which had fallen from her shoulder to the floor, and she was crying, her face crumpled, eyes closed, crying silently.

"Serena...?"

She moved slowly, cautiously, reaching out to her before wrapping her arms around her, pulling her close as the other woman clung to her, shuddering in a great gulping moan, sobbing into Bernie's shoulder.

-.-

I'll try my very best to update again later xxx


	21. Chapter 21

"I'm sorry."

Serena whispered into Bernie's neck, the fabric of the other woman's trench coat at the back of her head, the solid line of Bernie's collar bone against her cheek.

"No need to be sorry."

Bernie whispered, drawing her mouth back and forth against the top of Serena's head, lips in her hair, arms wrapped so completely about the other woman, holding her close, keeping her safe.

"Those...men! Those _idiots_..."

Another muffled sob vibrated against her and Bernie hugged her closer, running her hands slowly over the soft wool of Serena's coat.

They sat like that for a moment, just sitting together with only the irregular rhythm of Serena's breath breaking the silence.

Eventually she eased herself back, using a hand to wipe the smudged mascara from beneath her eyes. She sighed heavily, looking at Bernie with tired eyes.

"What must I look like!"

She laughed a faint watery laugh and Bernie smiled an upside down smile and tucked a dark hair behind her ear.

She drew in a shaky breath and glanced down at Bernie's lap to where her right hand had fallen, her fingers pale against her black jeans.

She shook her head.

"I knew that sort of thing happened, of course I did! I've fixed many a broken person who's been...attacked or...or...but I didn't know what it felt like first hand. I just... if you were hurt because of me, I'd-"

"Serena, Serena..."

She looked up.

"I'm fine!

She paused, dark eyes narrowed.

"My coat on the other hand..."

She smiled again, a warm smile that made Serena's throat ache again.

"But I _love_ your coat."

She whispered, and Bernie couldn't help but exhale a laugh.

"Serena. I'm fine. It was a few drunken bastards..."

Serena's chin wobbled and as she blinked fresh tears began to fall.

"I'm sorry, its just..."

Her voice was strained and thin.

"...everything is catching up with me...us...I'm tired...hormonal..."

She exhaled and once again looked down between them to Bernie's hand.

"Let me make you a hot drink?"

It was a silent question and Bernie's fingers squeezed her own as she looked up, smiling, and gave a slight nod of her head, Bernie's hand lingering upon her own before she eased herself up from the sofa and made her way silently into the kitchen.

The kitchen was colder than the sitting room, and as she set the kettle to boil she drew the blinds shut and pulled the thick green curtain across the back door.

Then, just as she had done earlier, she knelt down in front of the kitchen sink and opened the cupboard, pushing aside the laundry powder and packets of new scouring pads and dish clothes to reach for the tub of Vanish that she knew would be there somewhere.

She closed the door and shrugged her coat off, laying it across the end of the dining table, shivering as she mixed the powder and spooned it on, leaving it to soak into the red-brown stain.

She watched the tiny blue and white powder soak in and drew in a slow unsteady breath through her nose.

What a shame, she thought, that there was no magical powder to draw out the stain of hurt within a person.

She cast an eye toward the door, through which she could see only the very top of Serena's head leaning back motionless against the sofa.

She stood there whilst the kettle bubbled and boiled, hands by her sides. What would she have done if those men had tried anything more than they had? If they'd hit Serena with that bottle and hurt her? She was a first class idiot for calling them names, she knew that, but in the heat of the moment she hadn't been thinking.

She could kid herself that she would have been able to protect them both, but she wasn't who she used to be, wasn't as strong as she used to be...so what was she supposed to do if such a situation rose again? Because chances are a similar situation _would_ arise.

She pursed her lips. Serena was so strong and yet it had taken so little to shatter her. Perhaps she was right, perhaps she was hormonal and overtired, perhaps it was the shock of such a perfect evening turning so sour so quickly, or perhaps it was that she had just realised what it meant to be in a relationship with another woman...

Serena closed her eyes. The back of her neck ached and she had a headache from crying all the way across her forehead. Her eyes felt sore and so tired that it seemed impossible to keep them open.

She replayed the night in technicolour behind her eyes, how they had walked through the damp streets of the brilliantly illuminated city, arm in arm, filled only with so much love that she had felt she might spill over at any moment, how she couldn't help but glance at Bernie every now and then, only to catch her sneaking a look back, how they'd smiled shyly at one another, how they'd sat sipping wine in the cinema, arms pressed together, occasionally tilting a head toward the other to murmur something in the darkness. How bold she had felt outing herself to Dom, how she had been filled with such a sense of relief and _pride._

And then to the meal, despite Ric's brief interruption she had felt so at peace, sharing food, touching hands, gazing at once another above wine glasses and passing little smiles between themselves as though they were the only two people in the world.

And then, and then...she sighed and opened her eyes. She didn't want to remember how sick she had felt when she had realised that those men were shouting at them, that they _wanted_ to hurt them in some way, and-

"Here."

Bernie's voice interrupted her train of thought, two carefully curved white mugs within her hands, one offered out, which she took with a grateful smile as Bernie folded herself into the space next to her, the cushions dipping beneath her weight.

"Thank you."

She looked down at it, she had expected coffee.

"What's this?"

"Hot milk and honey?"

Bernie answered once she had taken a sip and swallowed, frowning against the heat.

"To relax you."

She added when Serena raised an eyebrow in faint amusement.

"Then I'll run you a warm bath before bed."

She paused, realising how presumptuous she sounded.

"Do you want me to stay?"

She asked, her voice quiet, eyes on the drink between her hands.

"I always want you to stay."

Serena sighed, carefully edging closer so that she could lean back against her, Bernie's arm reaching around her shoulders, fingertips just ever so slightly beneath her neckline.

-.-

Not my best writing. More of a 'getting there' chapter. Quick warning, the next will be 'M' rated. xxx


	22. Chapter 22

It was the first frost of the year. The air was still as ice and the twigs were snapping in the cold outside the window.

The pale yellow of morning fell in shafts of light across the room through the cracks between the curtains, dust motes floating between them, never seeming to settle.

The house was waking slowly, water hissed ever so softly in the pipes and the radiators creaked as they warmed.

Serena drifted slowly from sleep to wakefulness, lulling in and out of dreams that she was already forgetting, inhaling the cold air through her nose and sighing through her mouth, snuggling closer into the warmth of Bernie's arms that wrapped around her from behind, her body curled perfectly about Serena's, warm and heavy and full of sleep.

She hummed a murmuring exhale of happiness and smiled, eyes still closed as slowly Bernie stretched against her, every muscle in her body tensing before relaxing around Serena again, holding her close and yawning against her hair.

"Morning..."

Serena murmured, enjoying the wandering heat of Bernie's hand that ran sleepily across her stomach and up, higher, feeling the hum of a smile and a sigh from behind her as Bernie ran each finger in turn across the rise of Serena's right breast, gently squeezing her stiffening nipple, running the very tip of it beneath each fingertip, her skin so soft and her breasts so warm, so responsive to the touch.

"Morning."

Bernie whispered, her voice low and thick with sleep. She placed a warm kiss against the back of Serena's neck, just below her hairline before moving lower, trailing lazy morning kisses along the length of her neck making her shiver and smile into the pillow.

Serena suppressed a laugh as Bernie's breath tickled the dip between her neck and her shoulder, pausing there, sucking gently before kissing the angular rise of her shoulder blade until slowly, slowly Serena rolled over into her arms, finally opening her eyes and squinting against the pale light.

Bernie kissed her without a word, only the flicker of a smile and the blink of heavy brown eyes that looked at her through dishevelled blonde hair.

Serena slipped a hand up along the warm soft skin of Bernie's back, moving closer, kissing her through a smile that faded into long slow kisses, all tongues and soft breathless moans that tapered into gasps as hands moved lower, lower, slowly, over each soft rise and fall, over every perfect trembling inch of skin, so gently as though they feared a heavier touch might break the heady magic of the moment.

Then they were flush against one another, kissing deeply, painfully slowly, whilst fingers reached lower. Knuckles knocked against knuckles as hands moved between each others legs to stroke the hot wet flesh, giving no regard to anything but instant relief as they teased out the burning heavy ache that became more painful with every slow trace of the fingers, to each desperate bundle of nerves, running back and forth, wetter and wetter until bodies jolted and writhed together, close, hot, sweating, clenching against fingers and gasping against each others mouths until slowly, slowly their bodies slackened, their breath hot, buffeting between their lips, foreheads pressed together, eyes closing as they slipped back into sleep, fingers intertwined between them.

-.-

I will update again tomorrow. Thank you so much (yet again) for all of the lovely reviews, they really do make me so happy! I will update again tomorrow...xxx


	23. Chapter 23

Bernie stretched into the mattress, each limb unfurling, each muscle tensing and contracting as she yawned widely and opened her eyes slowly, blinking, taking a moment to realise that something was different...the light...the light was...

She rubbed the heel of her hand into her eye. The room was dim and quiet, grey clouds showed through the gap between the curtains and from outside she could hear the steady hiss and patter of rain dripping from the guttering, much different from the pale early morning sunshine that had accompanied their earlier waking.

With a creeping sense of dread she craned her neck to squint at the clock from over Serena's shoulder.

"Fuck!"

10:50 AM. She ran the papery dry skin of her palm across her face.

"Serena?"

She shook her arm.

"Serena?"

With a murmur of something unintelligible Serena rolled away from her, then, suddenly, her body grew stiff and she looked up sharply.

"Shit!"

She turned to look at Bernie, dark hair tufting out above her ear from where she had slept on it, and beneath one eye was the grainy smudge of yesterdays mascara.

"Is that the time?!"

Without waiting for a response she began kicking off the covers and hauled herself out of bed.

"What happened to my alarm?!"

She cried, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with one hand, pulling open the drawers which she kept her underwear in with the other.

"You can't have set it."

Bernie spoke through another yawn as she left the bed and began picking up hurriedly discarded clothes from across the floor, her back stiff and twinging with every step.

"I always set my alarm!"

"Apparently today was the exception..."

Both women dressed quickly, struggling to balance whilst stepping into underwear, pulling on trousers and tops with fingers that shook with the cold and trembled over buttons and zips.

Then Bernie took the two minutes it took for Serena to battle with her socks to tease her fingers through her hair, wash and moisturise her face and fumble with the mascara before rejoining Serena, clattering downstairs one after the other.

"Jason?"

Serena called, her voice strained through the quiet of the house as she opened the front door.

From the sitting room came the murmur of the television and the creak of the sofa as Jason leaned forwards and peered into the hallway, the light from the open front door catching the lenses of his glasses.

"Auntie Serena, I thought you had already left?"

"I didn't set my alarm. Will you be OK?"

She was running her fingers through her hair for the millionth time and buttoning up her coat all wrong.

Jason shifted in his seat, his programme paused on the screen in front of him.

"Yes. I'm going to-"

"Good, good. Right."

She snatched her keys from the hook by the door and tossed them to Bernie without warning, the blonde catching them one handed against her chest.

"You drive. I'll do my make up in the car."

Bernie raised an eyebrow but dutifully said nothing as they closed the front door and crunched across the gravel to the car.

"So much for a relaxing start to the day,"

She murmured, easing herself stiffly into the drivers seat, wincing as Serena slammed her own door with more force than was necessary.

"Yes, I think we have you to blame for that."

"What!"

Bernie almost laughed, eyes on the rear view mirror as she reversed from the drive onto the road.

"Well! If you hadn't..."

Serena gestured with a hand and unzipped the make up bag she had settled into her lap, their breath already beginning to steam up the windows.

Bernie squinted through the wind screen. The road ahead lay black with rain under the still shining street lamps, a feeble sun hiding behind grey clouds. Rain falling in large hurried drops as cars passed with a hiss, headlamps and wipers on.

"I'll keep my hands to myself next time."

"I don't understand how it happened."

Serena interrupted, deaf to anything else but her own thoughts and the clatter of her make up.

"You had a lot on your mind."

It was a whisper that she didn't even pretend to hear.

"This isn't me! I don't do things like this!"

Bernie cast her a sideways glance and slowed down at yet another set of traffic lights.

"Oh God, how are we going to explain it?!"

Serena all but wailed, hand paused with her make up brush, the end of it smudged with powder foundation.

"Say you broke down. I had to come to your rescue?"

"Why does it have to be me that broke down?"

Serena asked, vaguely insulted, powder falling from her brush to her thigh as the car juddered across a pot hole. She cursed beneath her breath and wiped at it, leaving a pale smear across her black trousers.

"Because we're driving my car."

Bernie answered, watching as Serena licked her fingers with the tip of her tongue and began working out the smudge, frowning.

"That doesn't explain why we didn't call in..."

Bernie pursed her lips and looked at the other cars through the blur of water across the glass, hands tightening on the steering wheel.

"I think we should tell him the truth."

She said quietly.

"What?!"

Serena looked up, eyebrows raised to the tips of her fringe.

"What's the worst he can do?"

Bernie laughed, before catching a glimpse of Serena's scowl and clearing her throat.

"Or, or, I don't know...pretend I was on Keller all along, I'm sure I can get Dom to cover me, and you...you were helping Jason with some sort of emergency."

She tried again.

Serena tossed her compact back into the bag on her lap.

"I think your second idea was best."

"Which, what, telling the truth?!"

The thought alone was too much and she let out a low 'Ha!' of a laugh as she turned the car into the hospital car park.

"Well, clearly you're not going to come up with any better ideas."

Serena's eyes were on the hospital building through the door window, her face reflected back, a pale blue blur of herself, eyes narrowed, line firmly between her eyebrows, jaw tensed.

"And if anyone else asks?"

Bernie asked slowly.

"We lie."

Serena drew in a breath and turned to face her.

"I was with Jason, you were...what were you doing again?"

She unbuckled her seatbelt.

"On Keller."

She parked and drew her hands back from the wheel into her lap.

"Ready?"

She asked.

"Ready."

Outside of the car the wind whipped their hair and made them shiver and hunch against it, coats billowing, bags knocking against their thighs. The double doors of the entrance opened with a whine and a belch of warm air that blasted them from overhead.

There was barely a moments grace before they were noticed.

" _Afternoon_ ladies."

Dom raised his eyebrows at them, a cardboard coffee cup against his lips, steam spiralling up into the air above his head.

Bernie pushed a hand through her hair, fingers catching in wind-knotted snarls.

"It's not _that_ late."

"I was making a point."

He lowered his cup and held it against his chest.

"I realised. Well done."

"Thank you."

He cocked his head to one side, smiling smugly, but as he made to turn in towards the stair well he faltered, his gaze momentarily fixed upon something behind them before flicking back to them with a hesitant smile.

"There's a patient waiting for you upstairs."

He said, voice unusually low.

"Mr Stibbe. Motorcyclist impaled on a road sign, just transferred up from the ED. He spent a good hour stuck in that lift of theirs...third time it's broken down this week, apparently."

He cleared his throat, pulled a slightly strained expression and gave a nod of his head toward the stairs.

"Better get going."

He added quickly.

"Thank you...Dr Copeland."

Bernie answered slowly, vaguely, watching his retreating figure with a frown of confusion.

"Ah, Ms Campbell, Ms Wolfe."

That familiar voice from behind them...

"Hanssen!"

Serena turned first, face strained with a taught smile that never made it to her eyes.

"Your presence this morning has been missed..."

"Yes, I uh...perhaps we could have a quiet word...?"

Serena began, but before she could continue Bernie raised a hand, her palm coming down neatly upon Serena's shoulder.

"Uh, no need, Ms Campbell."

She smiled hesitantly at the alarmed brunette.

"I realise your frustration about the lift down in the ED, but I'm sure Mr Hanssen has plenty of other things to worry about..."

Serena looked at though she had grown a second head in the space of time it had taken her to begin speaking.

"The lift?"

She asked.

"In the ED. Third time this week that it's broken down. Ms Campbell and I have spent most of the morning trapped in there with a patient with an impalement..."and no mobile signal."

She let her hand slip from Serena's shoulder to hang awkwardly by her side.

Hanssen raised his chin, looking down through his glasses at Bernie who narrowed her dark eyes and pursed her lips.

"Which patient might that be?"

He asked.

"Mr Stibbe. Motorcycle accident?"

"Ah yes..."

He paused for a moment, regarding them both with an unreadable expression.

"Right, well, if you'll excuse me I'd better make some enquiries about that lift before any more of our staff go AWOL."

He gave a brief nod of his head, looking between them again before turning and retreating slowly, like a ghost through the hallway.

Serena exhaled all at once, her whole body seeming to deflate. She looked across at Bernie, brown eyes tired.

"You are-"

"Brilliant?"

Bernie offered with a hopeful tilt of her head.

Serena exhaled slowly, a hiss of breath through her teeth before starting off along the corridor.

"I'll stop off and get us a coffee?"

Bernie's fingers touched against Serena's elbow as she spoke, but Serena merely gave a purse of her lips and a barely visible shake of her head before casting her a look.

"No, thank you. I think we'd better get up stairs and get acquainted with Mr Stibbe, don't you?"

-.-

I will do my best to update again later today.

Can't quite believe how many views/favourites and reviews this story has so far! Thank you all so much, I shall send hugs out to you all across the ether xxx


	24. Chapter 24

The sky hung low and grey, dark and heavy with a faint drizzle that speckled Bernie's grey hoodie with darker flecks and made her shiver.

Her face was wet, and her fringe lay flat and damp against her forehead as she squinted up into the sky, exhaling a steady stream of blue smoke from her lips that gusted away, suddenly invisible.

"We must stop meeting like this."

Dom's voice carried thinly across the distance between them as he approached from behind her, coffee in hand, looking out over the fog-hung city; at the rooftops, the swaying trees and the seagulls that lined the edge of the hospital roof on one side, hunched up against the cold, occasionally flapping their wings and crying wild cries into the wind.

"What does Serena think of you smoking."

He was only a few feet from her now. He came to a stand still next to where she sat, knees up, back against the metal railing. She smiled but remained silent, the hand that held the stump of her cigarette resting on her knee, the tip of the paper smouldering and glowing a brilliant orange.

"Is there something wrong?"

Bernie inhaled the cold air slowly and exhaled slowly, turning to look up at him.

"This conversation is a bit one sided..."

His head was tilted to one side, eyebrows raised. The steam from his coffee rose and fluttered like smoke from the little hole in the plastic lid.

"Sorry."

She cleared her throat and turned, squinting into the distance. A damp grey haze hung over the city, and far away in the distance watery sunshine struggled past the clouds.

"I just needed some space."

She added, dropping the end of the cigarette to the floor and pushing the toe of her shoe into it, grinding it down into nothing but an ashy paste in the rainwater that was collecting between the roof tiles.

"I'll leave you to it."

His fingertips glanced briefly against her shoulder as he turned.

"Last night was one of the best nights of my life."

She whispered, gazing out across the city. Car lights twinkled and flared, a siren wailed from far away and everywhere there was the lonely cry of the wind, buffeting between buildings and rattling between the skeleton trees.

"I'd hate to see what you look like after a terrible night."

He turned back to face her. She looked down. The tops of his trainers were rain-spattered and dark.

"Then on our way home we were followed by a group of men..."

"Oh God, are you alright?"

He spoke so sharply that she felt herself flinch. She felt as though she was in a dream, a funny sort of dream where she hovered in one place, unmoving, barely breathing, but calm strangely.

"Fine."

She pushed her hands into the pocket at the front of her hoody and hunched herself against her knees.

"They shouted things, threw things..."

"What sort of things?"

He crouched down next to her, sitting on the very edge of the concrete step, the side of his body warm against hers.

"Take away containers, stones, bottles.."

"Bottles!?"

She looked across at him. He seemed far too shocked, as though she had said something far worse. Or was it just that her perspective was skewed from her time spent in army?

"As far as homophobic attacks go it was pretty tame...but it terrified Serena."

She felt him shift against her as she looked away again, down at the ground, the speckled grey concrete slabs that gleamed with pools of standing water, pock marked by the still falling rain.

"What about you?"

She looked at him in surprise.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look it?"

She exhaled a silent laugh and withdrew a hand from the warmth of her pocket to push the wet fringe from her forehead.

"I just...it's just so... _sad."_

She widened her eyes and tucked her hand back into the front pocket, interlinking her own hands beneath the fabric.

"...That we live in a world where love between two consenting adults is considered wrong. That strangers think they have the right to attack us, whether verbally or physically, just for walking down the street?"

She felt the sudden unexpected sting of tears and she cleared her throat again and swallowed stiffly, narrowing her eyes and hoping that should a tear fall Dom would be kind enough to pretend it were rain.

"Being out is such a huge step to take, and for Serena..."

She was thinking out loud, something she never did. She let out an unsteady breath and felt him lean against her, head inclined towards her in silent companionship.

"I have to protect her, _I_ have to be the strong one."

Dom's fingers ran slowly over the corrugated cardboard about the middle of his coffee cup.

"Serena's a big girl..."

He flicked his nail over a loose corner.

"...she's stronger than you're giving her credit for."

She exhaled a laugh and turned her face into the rain once more.

"But that's only because you love her."

His voice was all but a murmur, a slip of warm breath against her cheek.

"Does she know you're up here?"

Bernie shook her head.

"I love her so much."

She whispered, voice strained, ashamed of the tremble of her chin and the shake of her lips.

"I know. I know."

He hesitated. Had it been anybody else he would have hugged her, squeezed her hand...but she was so hunched up, so covered up and self-contained that he could do nothing but stand slowly, catching her eye.

"Go and tell Serena you need a hug."

He gave a nod of his head, a silent gesture towards the door.

She smiled and nodded slowly.

"I will."

She whispered.

"I will.

-.-

"Rumour has it you were late today...?"

A low voice just over her left shoulder made her shiver and she turned sharply, patients notes tucked defensively against her chest, arms folded.

"Ric!"

He smiled at her, eyes laughing.

"Good night?"

"Marvellous."

She answered dryly, running the side of her thumb across the top corner of the patient notes.

"And yours?"

She asked, narrowing her eyes. He grinned, seemingly unable to help himself, and he exhaled a little laugh and raised his eyebrows.

"Oh don't tell me, I don't want to know."

She rolled her eyes and began to move away, falling into step with him as they made their way across the ward towards the corridor that lead to her office.

"So, what film was it that you went to see?"

"Uh..."

She gave a nervous laugh and cast him a sideways glance.

"Obviously not a very memorable one."

"No, no, it's not that...I uh, it was...it was _Carol_."

She watched the floor tiles pass beneath her feet, her cheeks were growing warmer and she felt the all too familiar swimmy sensation begin to prickle behind her ears.

"I'm not sure I know that one. Any good?"

She exhaled with such a sudden breath of relief that she almost laughed out loud.

"It was wonderful."

She paused, stopped by the door to her office and attempted a smile.

"Not really your thing, though."

She added quietly, watching as he nodded slowly, still that amusement playing behind his eyes.

"Good, well, I'd better get back upstairs..."

He looked at her for a moment, the flushed cheeks, the parted lips and flutter of her pulse at her throat, the tremble of her hands that held the notes...

"Have a good day, Serena."

"And you...Ric."

He gave a nod of his head and side stepped around her, carrying on along the corridor as she turned to watch him go.

She leant heavily against the door. She felt suddenly, wildly, high, as though her chest was full of the fluttering beat of butterfly wings whilst her stomach was heavy and knotted, and deep inside her wrists seemed to buzz and throb in time to the burning heat of her cheeks.

Gosh, she could only imagine how she would feel if everybody knew...if everybody knew how in love she was...

She drew in a deep, long breath.

"For Heavens sake Campbell! Pull yourself together."

She exhaled, clenching and unclenching her toes in her shoes.

"They say that's one of the first signs of madness."

Serena jumped, jabbing herself in the side on the door handle.

"What?!"

She winced as Bernie placed a hand upon her shoulder, touching her only briefly as she moved to stand in front of her.

"Talking to yourself."

She sucked in her cheeks against a smile.

"I'm going to sew bells onto your knickers."

Serena leant heavily against the door and Bernie took a step closer, barely a foot between the two of them.

"I'm not sure that would be very comfortable for me."

She paused, smiling, hands in her pockets.

"Why my underwear in particular?"

She asked quietly, edging even closer as a trolley was wheeled past, the two of them so close that Serena couldn't help but find herself unable to look away from Bernie's lips.

"The item of clothing that I think about the most."

She paused, noted the almost inaudible breathless laugh of the other woman, and the way she glanced away down the corridor whilst she tucked her hair behind an ear. It was only then, whilst noticing her hair that she realised how dishevelled she looked, more so than usual, how the little make up she had been wearing had all been washed away...

"Why're you all wet?"

Bernie raised her eyebrows in amusement.

"Just the effect you have on me, Ms Campbell."

Serena arced an eyebrow.

"It's raining."

"Not in here it's not..."

Serena cast a glance up at the ceiling as though she might just be checking.

"Coffee on the roof."

"Ah..."

She leaned closer, moving away from the door, her body held so close but not touching, her lips only a breath from Bernie's.

"Not all you had up there by the smell of you."

She held the moment for only a second longer before the sound of footsteps from around a corner made her step back, dark eyes shining.

Bernie ran a hand through her hair.

"You've got a patient in bed five."

Serena spoke loudly as the footsteps neared and a porter pushed a wheelchair past them.

-.-

I will update again this evening! I apologise for the wait, I hope this makes up for it. xxx


	25. Chapter 25

"You know we're looking for more volunteers?"

For the second time that day Dom called to her as he approached her.

She stood to the left of the office door, fingertips holding it open whilst Serena set down the notes she had been carrying and began rifling through the drawer of her desk.

She smiled as she watched her. How she adored the little furrow between her eyebrows and the exasperated expulsion of breath, the little throw of her hands as she grew more frustrated.

She drew in a long breath... _Dom..._

"Pardon?"

She blinked slowly as she turned.

"At the LGBT centre?"

He dropped his voice to a stage whisper, despite there being no one else in the hallway. He stopped in front of her, the soles of his still-wet shoes squeaking against the floor tiles.

"If you're meaning me, I've got enough on my plate as it is."

Behind him Serena was standing, scratching the top of her head, the back of her other hand upon her hip.

Dom pushed his hands into his pocket, his scrubs rain-spattered, hair wet.

"Well, if you change your mind...we really need women of your..."

He faltered and Bernie was quick to look back at him.

"Of my what, Dr Copeland.?"

He cleared his throat, screwed up his face in apologetic amusement.

"Age...I just meant that we have a lot of young, direction-less girls looking for somebody to guide them in their...sorry."

"I'm not sure I'm the right person."

She laughed despite the age slur and turned her attention back to Serena, who appeared to have successfully located whatever it was she had been looking for and was closing the desk drawer.

"Given you a hug yet?"

He asked, pursing his lips. Bernie shot him a raised eyebrow, her brown eyes smiling as he raised his eyebrows in return and carried on his way.

Serena stepped into the doorway.

"What did he want?"

She asked, the two of them moving off together onto the ward.

"He was asking me to volunteer at the centre. Apparently they're in need of women of 'our age'."

"Oh dear."

Serena smiled, their upper arms touching.

"Are you going to?"

They slowed to a halt at the nursing station.

"No."

Bernie paused, casting a glance about the ward.

"I hardly think I'm up to giving any sort of advice to anyone. Not exactly a brilliant role model am I? I'm not even out...not really."

The phone in the office began to ring, a shrill sound that made both women stiffen.

Without another word they reached out to one another, touching hands in parting as Serena hurried for the phone and Bernie continued on her way to bed five.

The ward was alive with activity. The scuff and squeak of the rubber soles of nurses shoes, the shuttle of curtains being opened and closed about beds, the bleep of machines and murmur of voices.

She slowed as she reached bed five.

"Bit of light reading?"

She smiled to the elderly woman in the bed and reached for her notes. A leather covered bible was open in her lap, the pages so thin that they were almost see-through.

"How are you feeling?"

She rested the notes on her forearm and began flicking through the pages, eyes flickering up to smile at the woman who looked back at her, anxious and small in the bed.

"Like I can't wait to be back on my feet again. "

Mrs McGovern smiled in return, grey eyes raised, half moon glasses perched upon the end of her nose, her face bird like, eyes large between pale wrinkled skin and wiry eyebrows.

"I have buckets of winter bulbs to get in...tulips, snow drops, daffodils..."

"We'll get you back on your feet as soon as we can, don't you worry."

She tucked the notes under one arm an glanced to the monitor beside the bed.

"I was copying down a section of text for that sweet young doctor I met earlier?"

The pen she held between her fingers tapped gently against the cover of the Bible.

"Who would that be?"

"Would you give it to him?"

She asked, not hearing, and she held out a slip of neatly folded lined paper between shaking fingers.

"Of course..."

Bernie tucked it into her palm.

"Dr Copeland."

Mrs McGovern added, pressing her small hands together, her skin paper-thin, blue veins swollen beneath. Bernie smiled again and gave a slight nod and purse of her lips. She slipped the patients notes back into the slot at the end of her bed and made her way back across the ward to the nursing station.

"What's that?"

Serena asked, glancing up from the form she was filling in.

"Note for Dr Copeland from the woman in bed five. Quick phone call?"

"Hanssen hounding me. What does it say?"

Serena straightened up. Her feet were throbbing and the muscles of her inner thighs were aching.

"I haven't looked."

"You haven't looked?!"

Bernie tilted her head to one side, eyebrows furrowed, lips forming a silent _'what?',_ with a look of vague confusion.

"Your genuine lack of interest in other people's business never fails to astound me."

"My thoughts are all taken up by something else at the moment I'm afraid."

Her eyes were shining and Serena found herself blushing beneath the intensity of her gaze.

She drew in an unsteady breath and snatched the folded paper from Bernie's hand, needing to break the moment between them before she did something highly unprofessional.

She unfolded it, her expression falling within an instant.

"You might not want to deliver this."

She paused, frowned, then passed it back without looking up as Bernie glanced down at it.

" _Outside the city are the dogs-the sorcerers, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idol worshippers, and all who love to live a lie._ _"_

Followed by a promise to 'save' all those who came to the next meeting.

"What?!"

Bernie exhaled, more to herself than to Serena, and she turned to look back at Ms McGovern. How small and frail she looked, laying there, waiting to be well again.

"Bernie-"

Serena's fingertips brushed her forearm, but before Bernie could reply Morven called abruptly from across the ward, waving a hand for assistance, and Bernie barely caught the hurried whisper of whatever it was that Serena said to her as she hurried back to bed five.

"I can't deliver this."

She placed the note down on the bedside table. Mrs McGovern looked up at her with genuine surprise.

"Why ever not?"

"Because it's spiteful... _vicious_..."

The woman smiled a soft, pitying smile and sighed as one might sigh to a particularly difficult child.

"I just want to help him to see that there is another way. He's such a nice young man, if he only he would choose to-"

"We have no choice, Mrs McGoven, in who we love."

Bernie made sure to keep her voice low as she sat down next to her slowly, back twinging, teeth clenching against the pain.

"That's where you're wrong...

"Mrs McGovern, speaking as a member of the gay community myself, I-"

"Ah..."

The woman exclaimed as though she had stumbled upon the very meaning of life. Her grey eyes lit up and she placed the palm of her hand over the cover of her Bible.

"I can help you, you know, I can help you onto the right path...save you?"

"Trust me,"

Bernie laughed.

"I don't need saving."

Mrs McGovern sighed again, a long drawn in sigh that rattled in her chest and made hollows of her cheeks.

"An eternity in hell is a very long time."

She said quietly, her voice barely even a whisper.

Bernie clapped her hands against her thighs in exasperation, laughing despite herself. She tucked her feet further underneath the chair, collected herself and swallowed.

"I'm sorry...that note you wrote...? Humour me for a moment would you? Do you really, _truly_ believe that homosexuality is akin to murder?! That just because _I_ am in love with another woman, that Dr Copeland is...is gay...then we are nothing but dogs? The abhorrent dregs of society?!"

"That's right."

Mrs McGovern answered, giving no thought whatsoever to what had just been said.

Bernie pushed her fingers into the bridge of her nose.

"But you are asking me to _lie_!"

Her hand dropped back into her lap and she looked back up, a pained expression behind her eyes.

"To lie about a fundamental part of myself...of Dr Copeland's life...of so _many_ lives. I could quite easily keep the fact that I'm a lesbian, or, or whatever the hell I am..to myself...I could lie and tell you that I'm straight. I could tell you many things, but I will still be attracted to women. I could tell you a lie in order to placate you, but I choose truth over lies any day of the week."

She laughed suddenly at the absurdity of the situation.

"' _Leviticus 19:11, do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another.'_ What happened to that?! When did th Bible become a _'Choose your own Adventure'_ book..."

"I'd like to be treated by Dr Campbell, please. I no longer wish to be treated by somebody like _you."_

Mrs McGovern raised her voice so suddenly that Bernie flinched.

"If only you knew."

She murmured as she stood up and turned, fingers pressed into the lines of her forehead, other hand in the small of her back.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Serena. Serena and her perfect timing.

"This, this...this _woman_ , who is insisting that I deserve nothing but death and eternal damnation just because I'm in love...with-"

She faltered, glanced to Morven and Raf who hovered a foot or two behind Serena...Serena with such a terrified look upon her face...

"Come to the office."

She whispered, eyes wide.

"I'm fine, Serena."

She let her hands fall limply to her sides. She was defeated, but more than that she was _willing_ to be defeated, if only to save a Serena from an unexpected 'outing'.

"I wasn't giving you an option, Ms Wolfe."

Serena's words caught her off guard, her voice so breathy and yet so low. She was turning even before Bernie had a chance to realise what was happening.

With a purse of her lips she followed her, Morven silently stepping in to take her place beside Mrs McGovern's bedside.

She followed Serena's quick footsteps to the office and stood by her desk, arms folded as Serena closed the door behind them, paused, hand upon the door handle, and then turned to face her.

"So."

She interlinked her hands in front of her.

"Are you going to tell me what happened? Or are you just going to stand there sulking?"

Bernie raised an eyebrow and Serena expelled a breath and made her way over to her, stopping only a foot or so in front of her.

"As I expected."

She sighed again. She looked so limp, so pale...

"You're so full of...you're so _passionate_."

Her dark eyes narrowed as she looked up at her.

"I'm sorry, but I won't have some battleaxe with dubious seepages belittle my love for you."

"Oh! How romantic..."

Serena exhaled with the hint of a laugh.

"This isn't the battlefield Bernie."

She added, reaching out for her hand, how cold they were against the heat of Bernie's.

"Isn't it?"

Serena's grip faltered.

"Is that really how you feel?"

She asked, and to Bernie's surprise she caught the glimmer of tears behind her eyes.

"Not us. I don't mean us. I mean...every time we go out, people will look at us, judge us, maybe even try to hurt us, whether with words or physically. Like last night..."

She saw Serena visibly recoil at the mere memory.

"That's the world we live in."

Serena whispered, and her grip lessened as she began to pull away, but Bernie grasped her hand and pulled her gently closer with only the briefest flicker of Serena's eyes to the open blinds and the ward beyond.

"I don't...I don't want to keep our relationship a secret any more."

She whispered, looking anxiously between Serena's eyes.

"What?"

Serena frowned.

"I want everyone to know..."

"I'd have thought from what you just said that you would want quite the opposite!"

Bernie drew her closer still and wrapped her arms about her waist, holding her tight.

"No...It's like I always said to my children when they were little... _be the change you wish to see in the world._ "

"That was you? Forgive me, I thought it was Ghandi."

Serena smiled, raised her chin, eyes shining.

"I'm serious though."

Bernie ran the edge of her thumb back and forth over the rise and fall of Serena's spine beneath her shirt.

"I want to celebrate our love, I don't want to hide it as though its something to be embarrassed or ashamed of."

"Well. How do you suppose we go about making the big announcement?"

Serena's voice was far away, as though she had to force it up from deep inside herself to be heard, and a flicker of something twitched at the corner of her mouth.

"We tell them."

Bernie said with a shrug.

"Well...I'd imagined that would be the way to go..."

She exhaled a nervous laugh and squeezed Bernie's hands tightly, holding onto the moment.

"We should tell the children first...then everyone else...Albies? I don't know when...next Friday? We get the drinks in, invite everyone and then...we tell them."

"You'll have to do it."

"Me?"

She laughed, head to one side as Serena rolled her eyes.

"You know very well how good I am at making speeches.,,"

"Ah yes. Leave it to me Fräulein."

She nodded as she spoke, glancing to the smile that tugged against Serena's lips, wishing so much that the blinds were drawn so that she could just close...the...gap...between...them...

"This still doesn't sort out Mrs McGoven."

 _How she loved Serena..._

"Believe me I could sort out Mrs McGoven."

She quirked an eyebrow and Serena gave a laugh and lowered her face, looking up at her with one of her looks, one of _those_ looks that made her heart ache.

"Our aim is to keep her alive, Bernie."

"And what a shame that is..."

"Bernie!"

It was a mock warning, though behind her eyes was still the flicker of doubt.

"I'm not treating her."

Bernie said suddenly, realising full well how petulant she sounded. Serena pursed her lips.

"I wouldn't let you even if you wanted to. Dr Digby will take over."

Bernie nodded slowly. To have to stop treating a patient due to such unprofessional behaviour was something which would usually have crippled her...sent her into such a blind rage that nobody would be able to calm her...

"She wanted you instead."

But somehow right now, with Serena's hands in hers and her beautiful brown eyes looking up at her, it didn't matter. None of that mattered.

"Well, she can't have me."

Serena whispered, and for the first time Bernie saw how much all of _this_...this adversity, this hate...had affected her.

-.-

Hello! I realise this is a bit heavy on the homophobia 'theme' at the moment. It's not the basis of the whole story, don't worry. Apologies if it's not something you're enjoying. I promise there will be much fluff and much humour to come very soon (next chapter I think). Oh and more sex... that seemed to be a favourite(!)

Thank you, as always, for the reviews, they make my day(s) xxx


	26. Chapter 26

Serena absently tapped the end of her Biro against the palm of her other hand.

 _Mrs McGovern, Mrs McGovern..._

The name ran on a loop inside her head, a ticker-tape behind her eyes. She saw only her; little grey woman in a big white bed. She looked harmless enough. A sweet little old lady with curling grey hair. Just the sort that one would find baking beautiful cakes and living in a little cottage with roses around the door...David Austen roses; pink as candy and smelling just as sweet.

The tapping of her pen grew louder, harder, against her palm, and she frowned across the ward from where she sat behind the nursing station.

Just how many _more_ people like Mrs McGovern were they likely to meet? How many of their own friends, or perhaps even relatives were going to feel the same way that she did?

 _Oh for goodness sake..._

She rolled her eyes and tossed the pen aside, letting it roll to a standstill wherever it pleased.

"Serena?"

Eight fingers appeared in little rows along the other side of the desk and Mikey pulled himself up, his eyes just about peering over the top.

"Mikey!"

She stood up and pushed the chair back into place.

"What're you doing here?!"

She placed a hand on the desk as she moved around it to where Mikey stood, scuffing the bottom of his shoe back and forth against the floor.

"I came to see Dad."

"Yes, but you shouldn't be..."

She exhaled.

"And how _is_ your father?"

"He's alright. Says he'll be able to walk properly again soon."

"Well that's good news..."

She reached out to brush a hair back into place that was sticking up above his forehead.

"Serena?"

He cocked his head to one side.

" _Ye-es?"_

"Am I made of atoms?

She noticed a hole in the very end of his shoe.

"Sorry, what?!"

"You know science?"

He asked, nodding, coaxing her.

"Yes...I 'know' science."

"Atoms! Am I made of them?"

He asked again, and as he spoke he raised a hand to itch at the top of his head, the stray hair tufting up again.

"Yes, everything is."

Her eyes flickered to Morven, smiling Morven who was diligently taking Mrs McGovern's blood samples.

"What about shadows?"

 _Mikey..._

"Uh..."

"Serena?"

Ric made her start, appearing just behind her as silently as if he were a shadow himself.

"Ric!"

She attempted a smile before glancing back to-

"Mikey? Mikey! Where're you-?"

She clapped her hands against her sides in defeat, watching as Mikey hurried across the ward to Raf without so much as a backward glance.

She huffed out a breath.

"I'm afraid the good ship AAU seems to have left port and sailed off without me today."

"I thought you were supposed to be in charge?"

He nudged her playfully.

"Whatever gave you that impression?"

She cast him a look, lips pursed against a smile, eyes sparkling.

"Walk and talk? There's a pile of paperwork on my desk that's going to start decomposing if I leave it any longer..."

She added, gesturing for him to go ahead of her as they slipped past a trolley, heading towards the office.

"I saw a poster earlier...in Pulses, for that film you went to see last night?"

He said as they passed through the door to the office, letting the door swing closed behind them.

"Oh? Oh..."

The door clicked shut. She felt a sudden jolt of something twist through her stomach, as though she were a tire with a slow puncture.

Ric tilted his head to one side and narrowed his eyes.

"Something you want to tell me, Serena?"

She laughed suddenly, taking even herself by surprise.

"I-I-I-I'm not sure what you...mean?"

She touched the very tips of her fingers to her lips.

"I'm joking, Serena."

"You are?"

Still she ran her fingers across her lips as though she were trying to erase any evidence of who's lips might have been pressed there.

"Well I was...but now I'm wondering if there might be-"

"Oh don't be ridiculous!"

She let her arm fall and nervously began to tidy Bernie's desk. Shaking fingers scuttered after neglected pens, pieces of paper with writing on that she could barely see, and a coffee cup that surprised her with it's warmth as she grasped it and let go.

"Serena?"

He caught hold of her arm. She closed her eyes for a moment, drawing in a breath.

"You _can_ tell me if you and Bernie more than just...friends?"

"No!"

She shook his grasp from her arm and looked back at him, chin lowered to hide the tremble of her mouth.

"Of course we're not. I can't imagine why you would even think...that?"

"Well-"

He began, but the squeak of the door handle made them both start.

"Jason!"

She all but gasped his name, eyes wide.

"Hello Auntie Serena. Hello Mr Griffin."

Serena looked him up and down, her brain not quite able to fathom why he would be here, and looking at her so expectantly...had she forgotten something, she wondered? It wouldn't be the first time today...

"What _are_ you wearing _?"_

It was all she could manage to say.

"I work here now. Today is my first shift. I'm a porter."

"What?...What?"

She could barely understand the words that he was saying. He was smiling broadly, awaiting her praise. Instead she stood mute, mouth opening and closing once before she exhaled through her nose.

"I _have_ tried to tell you several times over the past few days. In fact, I did try to tell you this morning."

She looked to Ric as though he might just have the answer to whatever the question was that she needed answering.

"Have you?"

She asked eventually, turning back to him.

"Yes. But you're always too interested in Bernie to-"

"Yes Jason, thank you."

Her cheeks were hot and throbbing, her head so fuggy that she just stopped responding, couldn't think of anything else to say, so she just stood, staring at him, mouth open. Completely shut down.

"Beaten your Auntie Serena at any of those quiz shows recently, Jason?"

Ric attempted to break the silence, a tight smile at his lips.

"Oh he beats me at every one-"

"No. I used to play along with Auntie Serena but now she and Bernie like to watch a film upstairs in the evenings."

Jason spoke over her, her words fading and fading until they were nothing at all.

"A film..."

Ric glanced to Serena, one eyebrow ever so slightly raised.

"Yes, they watch quite a lot of films together."

"Well...at least you have some peace and quite to watch your shows. If you'll excuse me-"

He took a step towards the door, but Jason continued to talk.

"Oh no, they make quite a bit of noise."

A startled choking sound coughed from Serena's throat and she raised a hand to her neck as though she were being strangled.

"Jason! I didn't realise...I mean I didn't..."

"It's OK. Though I don't understand why you say Bernie's name so often? And so loudly, does she keep falling asleep?"

As though propelled into the room by the mention of her own name the door opened again and Bernie stopped abruptly in the doorway with a look of startled alarm.

"And I do hear quite a lot of bad language from Bernie."

Jason continued, barely even noticing her presence as he stepped closer to Ric, away from the open door.

"Bad...language..."

Bernie repeated slowly, looking from person to person, her eyes settling on Serena...her flushed face and anxious trembling.

"I'm missing something..."

It was a statement of acknowledgement rather than a question. Ric cleared his throat, amused laughter behind his eyes.

"Jason was just filling me in on the details of yours and Serena's _sexcapades_."

The word sounded ridiculous coming from him, and he raised both eyebrows at Bernie who's mouth formed a perfect silent, 'oh...'.

"Sexcapades?"

Jason asked, frowning.

"Uhm..."

Serena's voice cracked, still her fingers rubbed nervously against her collar bone.

"Jason..."

Bernie broke in.

"I think you and I, and your auntie Serena need to have a quick chat."

She spoke to Jason though her eyes were on Serena and the almost invisible exhale of thanks.

"OK?"

Jason folded his arms across his chest.

"I'll leave you to it..."

Ric cast an apologetic glance across the room, a smile that Serena barely noticed.

"Thank you."

She whispered, blindly watching him leave.

"Jason."

The moment the door closed again Bernie spoke, making her way slowly over to stand next to Serena.

"Yes?"

He looked so innocent...so expectant...

"Your Auntie Serena and I...we don't _always_ watch a film."

"No?"

His eyes narrowed through his glasses.

"No...no. Jason..."

Serena inhaled.

"You know that Bernie and I love one another? That we are in a loving, committed relationship?"

"Yes?"

She touched her tongue to her top lip, hesitating over the correct word choice.

"Well, when two people love one another...when two people..."

She cleared her throat.

"When two people love one another, they often express their love for each other in a...physical way."

"You mean kissing?"

He asked, smiled, as though pleased with himself for guessing the correct answer.

"Yes, and, and..more than...just kissing..."

She looked helplessly to Bernie.

"Sex."

Bernie said abruptly.

"Sex?"

He repeated, the word on his lips making Serena tense.

"Yes..."

Bernie paused, waiting for him to form the thought that he was working on.

"But how do you have sexual intercourse. You're both female?"

"Oh God.."

Serena couldn't help but moan, shielding her face with a hand.

"Perhaps I could use your computer to research?"

He asked, eyes lighting up once more.

"Uh, no."

Bernie coughed against a smile.

"I think...what I'll do, if it's OK with you Serena, is I'll print off some information for you..."

She gestured limply to the computer. Jason nodded slowly, thoughtfully.

"OK. I'd better get back to work now. I can read it on my break."

It was that simple. That black and white.

"I will see you later?"

He asked, opening the door, pausing, a silhouette in the strip of light that shone from the ward beyond.

"Yes...Jason. Oh and...good luck with your first shift."

Serena pulled a face as the door closed behind him. She rolled her head back, her entire body prickled with embarrassment. Beside her she felt the vibration of Bernie's shoulder against her arm.

"I don't know what you're laughing at!"

She snapped despite the softness behind her eyes as she leaned heavily against the blonde.

"That was..."

Bernie let her words tail off into another laugh.

"Awful!"

Serena sighed, allowing Bernie to wrap an arm about her, cheek resting against the top of her head.

They were silent for a moment, each with their own thoughts and the sound of the ward beyond.

"Though I must say I did enjoy your declaration of the word 'sex'!"

Serena laughed, raising her head just enough so that she could look up at Bernie who rolled her eyes and held her tighter.

"Oh shush."

She whispered, mouth pursed against another laugh.

-.-

I will update again soon. Thank you for all of the reviews :)

VaticanCameos you made me laugh! x

ForeverMBond, what a lovely review, thank you so much! x

Atearsarahjane, loved your suggestion, I'll put a moment like that in somewhere, even if it's not with Mrs McGovern x

Speaking of suggestions, I love to hear what you'd like to see happen, and always try to include little things if I can xxx


	27. Chapter 27

"Sexual intercourse!"

Serena snorted, laughing as she leant back in her chair, a glass of wine precariously close to the edge of her desk. Bernie rolled her eyes, exhaled, stretched her legs out before her, crossed at the ankles.

"I'm not sure it was as funny as you seem to think it was."

"Blame it on the Shiraz."

Indeed there was the wine that coloured the air between them, rosy and jolly, an empty bottle by the side of Serena's chair. But there was also the laughter between them, flushed cheeks and eyes that sparkled in the lamplight, and this simple bloom of love between them that reached out and touched them both, held them together in this bubble of happiness.

It was in these moments that the love between them grew even stronger, it burned and glowed and grew more fierce with every soft sigh and smile, every glance and unspoken _I love you._

"Oh...Ric's face! I doubt he will ever get over it."

Serena laughed again, a whole body laugh that made her shake as she ran the side of her index finger beneath each eye, mouth open.

"I'm sure he will give it plenty of thought later."

Bernie took another sip of her wine, watching Serena with amusement from over the glittering rim of her glass.

"Whatever did you print off for him?"

Serena asked suddenly, throwing Bernie for a moment, something she seemed to do so frequently – flitting between thoughts, leaving half-conversations tossed by the way side leaving Bernie to scramble after the pieces. What must it be like to be inside that head of hers, she wondered.

"Just some very basic...clinical explanations of..."

She gestured vaguely with a hand, wine glass resting on her knee, held there by long fingers that cast even longer shadows.

" _Of..?_ "

Serena imitated her gesture with a laugh.

Silently, and with narrowed dark eyes and a bite of her lip, Bernie held up two fingers between them and curled them slowly.

"Oh _Major."_

Serena laughed again, quieter this time, a chuckle of a laugh that pursed her lips and made her eyes glitter.

"He might pick up some tips."

Bernie's hand fell back down to her thigh as she shrugged.

"Oh don't...don't...you've just ruined it."

Serena slumped back in her chair, smiling, catching her breath.

Bernie regarded her for a moment; cheeks flushed, skin soft, pink and glowing, eyes shining, lips damp from the wine, and her hand...that hand...that crept up to the open collar of her shirt and rubbed slowly over the rise of her shoulder, thumb resting against her collar bone.

"I can rectify that?"

Bernie shifted and dragged her chair closer so to Serena's.

With barely any movement at all , she traced a tiny circle across the curve of Serena's knee cap through her trousers.

"What _are_ you up to Ms Wolfe?"

Her voice was soft, her smile even softer, head to one side with a look that let Bernie know that she knew full well what she was up to.

"Major? Ms Wolfe? Very formal today."

Her thumb traced the edge of her knee to the top, and then higher, higher...

"Well..."

Serena cleared her throat, all too aware of the heavy ache that began to burn between her legs.

"Your behaviour today _has_ been less than professional. Sometimes I have to take a firm hand..."

It was Bernie's turn to laugh.

"I'll give _you_ a firm hand."

"Bernie...!"

Her own fingers glanced against Bernie's that had stilled on her inner thigh, just inches above her knee.

"What?"

Bernie asked, the picture of innocence save the narrowed dark eyes. She shifted closer still, the warmth of her fingers moving again, higher, higher...

"Bernie..."

She cast a look towards the office door.

"No one can see..."

Bernie watched her look back at her. She was nervous, she could tell from the tremble of her lips as she pressed them together and the flicker of apprehension behind her eyes.

"Serena?"

It was a whisper. Her fingers crept higher, Serena's leg jolted involuntarily. _Sorry._ Another whisper, the flutter of a nerve at the corner of her mouth. Her fingers brushed against the seam of her trousers between her legs, back and forth over each stitch. She could feel how wet she was through the fabric, could all but see the pulse that throbbed within her throat and the breath that caught as her chest rose and fell.

"Do you know how long I have fantasised about this for?"

She leaned towards her, an uncharacteristic murmur of honesty as she ghosted her other hand across Serena's breasts.

"Bernie..."

Serena's voice was barely anything but a breath as she shifted closer to the edge of her chair, parting her legs wider, willing her closer, and Bernie _did_ lean closer, into her, fingers drawing down the zip, twisting free the button, until she could ease her fingers down beneath the waistband...lower...hot fingertips seeking out the swollen wet flesh, teasing the skin around her clit but never quite touching it.

Serena shifted forwards again, whimpering, grasping hold of Bernie's arms, head upon her shoulder.

"Bernie..."

She frowned, gasped against Bernie's neck.

"Bernie, please..."

The sound of voices and the squeak of shoes outside the door made them start. Bernie faltered. Serena sat up suddenly, eyes upon the window of the door, watching the grey shadows moving behind the closed blinds.

She could barely breathe, could barely think coherently. Here she was, in her office, with Bernie Wolfe's fingers down her trousers!

She swallowed, licked her lips and cleared her throat before turning back to Bernie.

"Take me home."

She whispered.

-.-

I apologise for the delay. Life came breaking in as always. I will do my very best to update again this evening. I hope you are all ok? Thank you so much for the lovely reviews and messages xxx


	28. Chapter 28

Serena fidgeted for the entire drive home. She shifted in her seat, clenched and unclenched her hands, exhaled, inhaled, glanced again to Bernie.

 _Bernie,_ with that shadow of a smirk at her mouth, that fringe that just caught her eyelashes when she blinked, and those hands...those _hands_ on the steering wheel, squeezing gently as she turned...

"Do you know what you've done to me?"

She asked on an exhale.

"I know _exactly_ what I've done to you."

Bernie's eyes remained on the road.

"Yes, well."

She paused, caught the familiar road name pass by just over Bernie's right arm.

"I don't want Jason to..."

She shifted again and cleared her throat.

"Do I look alright?"

Bernie cast her a sideways glance.

"Positively wanton."

Serena puffed out her cheeks and exhaled. This woman was incorrigible. Not only had she worked her up, _felt_ her up, but she had left her in this...this _state_ which she seemed to find amusing _._

She hovered a hand above the clip of her seat belt as they pulled into the driveway. _Positively wanton indeed._

Inside the house the television sounded from the sitting room, and from the kitchen came the sound of footsteps and the clatter of something being put down rather too heavily on the work surface.

"You're late."

Jason appeared in the kitchen door frame, hands on hips looking pointedly towards the clock which hung on the wall opposite the front door. A clock which so often seemed to let Serena know that she was late.

"What're you doing in the kitchen?"

Serena asked, half way through the bizarre and rather pointless question before she could stop herself.

Jason regarded them for a moment as the kettle continued to boil, steam billowing from it's spout, bubbling, bubbling...now if ever there was a more apt metaphor for how she felt...

"How was your first day as a porter?"

She asked after a beat too long, her voice slightly too high.

"I think it went well. Though the patients can he hard work, and sometimes rather obnoxious."

He gestured to the work top and retreated from the door frame as they neared.

"I've got out everything you need."

Arranged on the counter was everything to make shepherds pie, all in one perfectly straight line.

" _Pointless_ is starting now, I'm going to go and watch it."

Serena exhaled, looked towards the ingredients as Jason passed them by and went to settle himself back down on the sofa.

She drew in a breath and collapsed her bag down upon the kitchen table.

"Honestly! Sometimes I feel like a 1940's housewife."

She shrugged off her coat. If she wasn't treating patients she was filling in _bloody_ paper work, if she wasn't filling in paper work she was fending off bed blockers, if she wasn't fending off bed blockers she was cooking shepherds pie for...

She rubbed her fingers hard across her forehead.

"You don't look like one."

Bernie's voice broke into her galloping thought process.

"Is that a compliment?"

She asked weakly. Bernie shrugged...smiled, and picked up Serena's bag and coat, disappearing briefly into the hallway to hang them up.

Serena rummaged in a draw for a knife, picked up a potato and put it down again.

"I honestly don't think I can wait."

She glanced to Bernie who returned from the hallway and came to stand next to her, head tilted to one side, leaning ever so slightly against the kitchen cabinet. The light caught her hair, every beautiful blond wave that just touched against her jaw...the gentle purse of her lips, the shadow of her cheekbones and that look...that look behind her eyes that held the promise of things to come, things she dared not imagine too vividly in case she came undone right there in the middle of the kitchen.

"Could you just...go into the other room...Please."

She gestured vaguely with a swat of her hand.

Bernie laughed, a closed mouthed laugh that made her body tremble.

"I didn't realise I was so distracting!"

"Oh come on, you with your big brown eyes, that swagger...those long...fingers and...arms."

"My arms?"

"Yes they're very nice, now, sitting room..."

Bernie's laugh tailed off into a smile as she glanced down at her feet, teeth biting into the soft flesh of her bottom lip before she looked back up again.

"Let me help you."

She whispered, delighting in how Serena widened her eyes, how the corner of her mouth twitched and she struggled to swallow.

"With dinner, Serena..."

"Oh..."

The word seemed to change from surprise to disappointment half way through. She cleared her throat and set the knife she was holding back down on the counter with fingers that trembled.

"I'll rinse, you peel."

She picked up the largest of the potatoes and turned on the tap.

They worked fluidly together, as if together they made one person; neatly dodging the other in taking trips to the sink, the bin, one leaning down to open the oven whilst the other leaned over to open a cabinet above their heads.

It was a smooth as in theatre, smoother even, there was, after all, no need to worry that the shepherds pie was going to die on the table.

Potatoes were peeled without her realising, boiled without her barely blinking...

Still there was that glorious fluttering within her chest, the breathlessness, the heady aching warmth that emanated from...from...she struggled against a shaky breath, using her thumb to rub clean the blade of the knife she had been using beneath the tap.

She thought of earlier, of how easily Bernie had slipped her fingers beneath the waist band of her trousers, how she'd parted her legs without a thought as to who might open the office door...how Bernie had drawn long slow circles around her...her...

"Serena."

The whisper of her name made her shudder.

"Hmm?"

She looked to Bernie, Bernie with her brown eyes full of mirth.

"What is it?"

She noticed suddenly that the shepherds pie was no longer half made upon the kitchen counter but, presumably, in the oven which had at some point, it seems, been turned on. Just how long had she been washing that knife for?!

"Upstairs."

Bernie gave a tilt of her head and offered out a hand.

"But Jason...dinner?"

"We've got time."

She said quietly. An unnerving glint behind her eyes.

Without another word she drew Serena to follow her from the kitchen to the foot of the stairs where Serena cast an eye towards the open sitting room door, to where she could see Jason in profile, engrossed in his programme.

Bernie tugged on her hand, drawing her up the stairs without a word, just the slow sway of her hips as she took the stairs one after another.

-.-

Quick warning: another M rated chapter to come, so skip that if you don't want to read such things. I'll put it up this evening xxx


	29. Chapter 29

"Serena..."

She took a trembling hand and led her slowly to bed.

No words were needed, just the look upon Bernie's face alone was enough to make Serena weak-kneed; a look that reminded her how Bernie could love her just as much with her eyes as she could with her hands - a look that told her quite plainly how this was going to happen. There would be no time for quiet exploratory love making, this was quite simply about making Serena come. Hard.

Bernie drew her closer, closer, then down, down into the feather duvet, the bed frame creaking quietly, soft sheets buffeting up on either side of them. And all the while Serena looked up at her, eyes wide, lips slightly parted, breathless and yet barely breathing.

Bernie kissed her gently, softly; a whisper of a kiss with a wicked smile behind it – a kiss that made Serena gasp and writhe as Bernie held her down, wrists held loosely above her head beneath the heat of Bernie's palm.

"Serena..."

 _How she whispered her name as though it were a breath that she could barely catch._

Serena smiled into the tiniest gap between them and glanced to Bernie's lips; so warm and flushed, just the glint of her teeth between them.

"Look at me..."

Bernie moved back a little bit further so that Serena's eyes could focus upon her own.

With her free hand Bernie tugged firmly at the button of her trousers and drew down the zip, fingers quick and deft before running higher, higher, taking Serena by surprise with the ease in which she undid each button of her shirt, pushing the fabric apart before pulling down her bra, exposing her left breast.

She wanted this; to be taken by Bernie, to feel her strength and the weight of her holding her down, her breath against her ear, her neck, kissing the rise of her throat so hungrily that she shivered and goosebumps rose upon the skin of her arms.

Bernie's teeth grazed against her nipple, back and forth, teasing her with her tongue before suckling her into her mouth, running soft fingertips down, down, pushing beneath the waistline of her trousers into her underwear. She was wet, _so wet_ , and hot, burning up.

Serena's entire body ached and throbbed. She was writhing, arching her back, rolling her hips up to meet Bernie's fingers, her head to one side, panting through blushed lips, eyes closed tightly, a furrow between her eyebrows.

"Bernie..."

It was a gasped murmur, a desperate whisper. She parted her legs wider, wanting more, _needing_ more of this...more of _Bernie._

She closed her eyes tighter, rocked her hips to the rhythm she wished Bernie would meet.

 _Please..._

Bernie kissed her as she touched her exactly where she wanted to be touched, with only the tip of one finger, kissing her against the sudden cry of surprise.

She kissed her again, fingers slipping so effortlessly over swollen wet flesh. She opened her eyes, looked down at her; there was something so disarming about seeing Serena so exposed, panting and thrusting her hips up to meet Bernie's fingers, frowning, moaning and whispering that she needed it harder... _harder._

Bernie's name was a beat on her lips, over and over...It was fast and hard and everything that she had wanted.

Her entire body jolted, shuddered, her hands grasping hold of Bernie so tightly that there would surely be bruises in the morning.

"Inside..."

Bernie arced an eyebrow, lips just brushing the rise of her throat as she dipped the tip of her tongue to her neck, crooked her arm and pushed her fingers so easily inside her, curling them, fucking her harder, _harder_ , sending her gasping and writhing into shattered oblivion.

-.-

I tried very hard to update this last night but (for some reason) I just couldn't write it. One day I will write a sex scene that I'm happy with...!

CuttingOnions: You made me laugh, I apologise?!

To my guest, on her second review: You do intrigue me rather! Thank you very much indeed for the second review. I wonder what I could write to cause you to write a third...

Jlynnsca: You made me laugh too!

Asongincomplete: Hello! Thank you so much for your lovely reviews x

And thank you to everyone else, too :) xxx


	30. Chapter 30

9:10 AM and they were already on the ward. Positively _early_ for a change, arriving just in time to face the change of shift from one set of _gossiping_ , _giggling_ , porters to the next. They'd avoided eye contact of course, held their heads high, choosing to ignore the childish titters and snorted laughs as men and women alike scuttled past pushing wheelchairs or heading out for cigarette breaks.

Bernie had muttered something under her breath which Serena failed to catch and didn't particularly want to ask after. Instead they had entered the lift as they did every morning, then gone their separate ways, Bernie to Pulses for two cups of some much needed coffee, and Serena to their office where she now sat, perched on the edge of her chair, phone tucked against her ear between her cheek and her shoulder.

She typed whilst she listened to the ringing, despite how the light from the ward was hitting her screen at exactly the wrong angle, rendering her blind. The screen just a grey sheet of glittering dust particles accompanying a streak across her screen, from where she had used her finger to follow a line of particularly small text at the bottom of one of Guy's long, meandering e-mails.

Still the phone rang. She imagined Elinor, wherever she was, phone in hand, staring down at the screen with a look of exasperation. What an irritation she must be to her daughter. Just existing as her mother seemed to be enough to cause offence. She wondered briefly what her own mother would have done if Serena had behaved in such a manner, but the thought was barely fleeting as Bernie opened the office door, slipped through the slightest of gaps and set a take away coffee down on the corner of Serena's desk.

 _Thank you, s_ he mouthed, her eyes tracking Bernie as she placed a coffee cup on her own desk and arranged herself in her chair.

"Hello?"

The ringing suddenly stopped, and Elinor's sigh of faint irritation sounded down the phone.

"Elinor! Good heavens, I've been ringing you all morning."

Bernie glanced up, eyebrows raised. They had meant to make the calls last night, but, as Serena had said after a particularly lovely shepherds pie and a few too many glasses of Shiraz, it seemed silly to ruin a perfectly lovely evening by calling their respective children.

Serena reached for a Biro and began tapping it against the desk.

"Do you have plans for the weekend?"

Straight to the point, for she knew her daughter only too well, already she would be planning an excuse for whatever it was her mother was about to ask her.

Elinor hesitated, someone spoke in the background, the low murmur of a man's voice. Her boyfriend perhaps...what was his name again?

"Elinor!"

She spoke sharply. She knew what she was waiting for, she was waiting for her to tell her exactly _why_ she wanted to know if she was free, so that she could decide whether or not she wanted to do whatever it was.

"No...I don't think I have plans?"

She was slow to answer, as though it took every ounce of energy that she had to form the words.

"Good! Well then, I'd like you to come for lunch on Sunday."

Silence once more. _Really! What in the world was she doing?! Clearly too bloody caught up in whatever it was that whatshisname was saying in the background to talk to her own bloody mother._

She rubbed at her forehead with her thumb and forefinger, pen still between her fingers, drawing an accidental faint blue line just above her right eyebrow.

"We can come for a bit?"

Elinor said finally, giving in, and once more came a low murmured voice from somewhere in the background.

" _We?"_

Serena repeated, rolling her eyes.

Elinor sighed again, a sound she seemed to purposely save just for her mother.

"I've got to go, we're at his mums."

"Oh..."

She barely had a moment to-

"Bye Mum."

"OK..."

The phone line went dead before she could say anything more. She untucked the phone from her shoulder and set it down on the table, sliding a finger across the screen to lock the screen.

"Well! I think we can safely say that my daughter has set a new record for the worlds shortest phone conversation."

She glanced up across the desks to where Bernie smiled faintly.

"Is she coming?"

"Yes. As is _Julian._ "

 _That was it, that was his name. Upper class twit._

"Ah."

Bernie gave a slow nod as Serena took a sip of coffee and winced at the heat of it, struggling to swallow as it burned her tongue and made her eyes water.

"Your turn."

She coughed, gesturing with the coffee before setting it back down again.

Bernie gave a low chuckle and cocked her head to one side, glancing down at her phone with one eyebrow raised.

"I think we both know how this is going to go..."

She puffed out her cheeks and leaned back in her chair, sliding her phone between her fingers before glancing over again to where Serena sat, fingertips touching against her scalded lips.

"You've got..."

She gestured to her own head, to where the blue pen was above Serena's eyebrow.

"Pen..."

Serena traced the lines of her forehead, mirroring Bernie's fingers, rubbing the ink from her skin.

Bernie cleared her throat and selected Cameron's name from her phone book, thumb hovering over his name. It had been a while since she had called...

"Take your time, Major."

She looked up slowly, face lowered, arcing a perfect eyebrow. She tapped down on his name, calling before she had a chance to second guess herself...again.

"Madre."

He answered after only a ring and a half.

"Cam!"

She widened her eyes at Serena who shot her a ' _Who did you think would answer?!'_ look.

"How are you? Are you OK?"

She shuffled the very tips of her fingers against the side of a patients notes, brushing between sheets of coloured paper.  
"Fine...?"

A beat.

"You don't often call?"

He was expecting something, she could tell; bad news, maybe, or something else? Perhaps to hear that she was going away again, re-joining the army, or perhaps something as simple as nagging him about medical school.

"No, I uh. Sorry, I, I wanted to ask you to lunch on...Sunday."

"At the hotel?"

Her fingers stilled against the pages, again her eyes flickered across to Serena who was diligently ignoring the conversation opposite her in favour of admiring, in detail, the white plastic lid of her coffee cup.

"No, at uh, Serena's house. Ms Campbell's...home...house."

There was a pause, she closed her eyes, raised her free hand to pinch at the bridge of her nose. Time seemed to stretch, thinner and thinner. She could almost hear his thoughts... _questions_...across the crackle of the phone line.

"What time?"

He asked, and it was all she could do just to exhale with relief.

"Midday? It's uh, It's 14 Gladstone Road."

"Ok."

He answered as nonchalantly as ever.

"Oh and Cam...would you ask your sister to come?"

"Of course."

She couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you."

She breathed before murmuring their goodbyes.

"I believe that's cheating."

Serena mused, eyes still on the rim of the coffee cup, though her eyebrows were raised and as Bernie looked over at her she raised her eyes and smiled. Finally they had done it. This was the beginning, this was the hardest bit, surely once the weekend was over, once everyone knew; friends, colleagues, _family,_ then things would be better...less...stressful?

"She wouldn't have answered if I'd rung."

Bernie puffed out her cheeks and exhaled as she spoke.

"Do you think she will come?"

Serena asked, head to one side as Bernie raised her shoulders in a half shrug, lips a tight white line.

"If she doesn't, she doesn't..."

Serena gave a slow nod and touched the end of the pen with her fingertips.

"I hope they get on."

She said quietly, noticing how the light caught every side of the clear plastic Biro. There was so much more to what she had said than just those words, so much hope resting upon one Sunday lunch.

"It would certainly be easier if they did..."

Bernie agreed, reaching for her own coffee.

Apologies for the vaguely boring update. It's one of those, 'getting to the next bit' chapters. Fluffy scenes with the whole family to come shortly, after a couple more updates. As always I will gladly consider any ideas or little bits that you'd like to see written in, especially now we have Elinor, Jason, Charlotte and Cameron to play with! xxx


	31. Chapter 31

If someone had told Serena that it had been hours, or perhaps even days, since her early morning coffee with Bernie in their office, she would have believed them.

Instead it had been only and hour and...she checked her watch - twenty minutes. Only that long?! Surely, _surely_ it can't really be that long until lunch time. She could all but taste the grilled three cheese sour dough sandwich she had spied on the specials board at Pulses on their way past this morning, and the coffee...the coffee! For heavens sake she couldn't need one already.

She hurried along the corridor, thought she'd fit in a quick visit to see how Fletch was getting on before she was due in theatre, but though her eyes were focused on what was directly in front of her, she had the faint uneasy feeling of being watched.

She ignored it for all of three steps, then turned, glanced behind herself to the nurse several metres behind her. A nondescript nurse from another ward, the ED perhaps? Blonde hair in a pony tail, pink lipstick, and a smile on those pink lips, and blue eyes that glanced away hurriedly as though she were trying not to laugh.

She was being paranoid, surely? She can't look any funnier than usual...She swallowed, dipped her head and quickened her pace, fists clenched loosely by her sides.

A voice from behind her hailed the blonde nurse, another set of footsteps joining those that came so rhythmically behind her.

She became suddenly very aware of how she was walking; how uncomfortable it was to be able to set one foot in front of the other. _Was it her walk that was so amusing?!_ A prickle of embarrassment seemed to run from where her thighs met ( _where were these real life people with 'thigh gaps'?!)_ to the nape of her neck. She clenched her fists tighter. A whispered giggle came from behind her, murmured voices, hissed laugher... She closed her eyes, exhaled for four steps, opened her eyes, and immediately caught the laughing eyes of a porter who looked quickly from her to the nurses behind her, all laughing at a joke she seemed to have missed...no that wasn't it, that wasn't at all. She knew very well what the joke was.

 _It's me._ She thought. _Bloody, middle-aged...lesbian. I'M the joke._

She cleared her throat and pushed through a set of double doors, hands warm on the metal push strips. She could have easily pushed through one door alone, but this moment seemed to call for the drama of pushing through both, leaving them swinging in her wake. Sod whoever was behind her, they could open their own bloody doors.

She really _did_ need that second coffee.

She hesitated outside of the side room where Fletch was recovering. The door was pulled to, not quite closed, the blinds drawn. Inside she could hear the murmur of voices.

She took a moment to steady herself, to draw in a deep breath and to exhale until the trembling of her fists began to subside, and her fingers uncurled. She stepped closer, reached for the door handle.

"How have _you_ heard about _that_!?"

Raf. She faltered, withdrew her hand slightly and glanced about herself before stepping closer still, bowing her head to listen.

"Mikey heard the porters talking about it. It's true then?"

There was a smile in Fletch's voice.

"As far as I know. They're keeping it pretty quiet though. I think it's great."

"Yeah. Though I'm surprised at Serena. Thought she liked men too much."

She winced at her name. _Her name...her name...being cast about the hospital on every laughing breath._

"Oh come on! Serena'll flirt with anyone given half the chance."

"Yeah, well, I can't see Bernie standing for that for a start."

Fletch coughed as he spoke, a rattling chesty cough that had caused them worry a few days ago.

"I wouldn't have thought she would be Bernie's type, to be honest."

He added once he had cleared his throat.

"No?"

"No. Serena's more...comfortable."

Raf laughed.

"Comfortable?!"

"Well, she's hardly sexy is she! Maybe once, but you have to admit she's let herself go...piled on the pounds since Edward...and Robbie...can't blame her really after how they treated her."

Raf laughed again.

She felt a slow sinking far away feeling within her chest, as though her heart and lungs were getting smaller and smaller and...disappearing forever, leaving her chest hollow, aching, nothing there at all.

She stepped back without thinking. Whatever more they had to say they could say it in private, she didn't want to hear it, couldn't take it even if she did hear.

She moved backwards, bumped into a porter, apologised hurriedly only to be brushed off with a sarcastic smile and a coy look.

She shivered suddenly, though she wasn't cold. She frowned, tried to focus on a single thought, but all she could think was that she, Serena Campbell, was the laughing stock of the entire hospital.

A hand on her upper arm made her start, and she looked up, half expecting to find herself on the receiving end of yet another suspicious smile. Instead her dull brown eyes met with the glitter of Bernie's, the soft pursed lipped smile, the twinkle in her eye...

The hand that touched her arm was raised, a pain-au-chocolate in clear plastic wrapping dangled from her fingertips.

"What's this?"

Serena asked, almost nervously, looking from the pastry back to Bernie who gave a slight frown of vague confusion.

"It's a token of my affection."

She tilted her head to one side, beautiful blonde curls catching the light; the first time Serena had ever known strip lighting to be flattering. She strained to smile and glanced away, slowly accepting the packet.

"I _also_ have..."

Bernie presented a coffee with the other hand, a hand that Serena had failed to notice had been tucked behind her back.

"Thought you could use your second caffeine fix early today."

"Thank you."

She took it, held both limply.

As they walked back to the office the whispers were harder to ignore, every nurse, porter, doctor seemed to cast a look in their direction, a secret smile, or a hushed whisper to whoever was standing closest to them.

She felt suddenly very very hot. Too hot.

Bernie slipped ahead of her to make way for the trolleys and wheelchairs to pass them by. Serena knew she was speaking; could hear the sound of her voice though she couldn't understand the words that she was saying, couldn't even differentiate between each one, nothing but a murmur, a garbled hum, as though she were underwater.

There was nothing but line after line of dull blue strip lighting, square after fading, light speckled square of floor tiles. Too hot. It was all she could think, too hot and yet her skin raised in goosebumps and her scalp seemed to shrivel with the cold. The world dimmed, the corridor was too long and then closing in upon her, she seemed to be walking slowly as though her feet were too heavy and the ground were sticky and the walls were growing darker, darker...

She heard herself saying something but the words were flat and droned, her lips were cold and numb, she was blind but she couldn't cry out.

"Serena!"

Someone shouted, Bernie turned to find Serena falling, her body slumping towards her, eyes rolling back in her head.

The cold tiled floor was hard against her knees as Serena fell into her arms, a dead weight pushing her to the ground.

"Serena...Serena..."

She stroked her hair, brushed her face, whispered against her cheek despite the violent pain at the base of her spine.

Serena's scalp prickled. She swallowed, blinked, her head throbbed and the rushing of blood sounded within her ears. She looked around at the people surrounding them, watching anxiously.

"I'm fine...I'm fine.."

She wasn't sure who she was speaking to. They were making a scene. _She_ was making a scene. She pushed herself away from Bernie, struggled to her feet, the arms of so many faceless people reaching to help her.

"Leave...leave me."

She batted them blindly away.

It was only then, when she stood, head still swimming and hammering that she noticed Bernie was still on the floor.

"Bernie..."

"Backs gone."

Bernie hissed through a self deprecating laugh.

She was kneeling in the middle of the ward, hands pressed flat against the floor, the whites of her knuckles showing through the pale skin of her hands.

"Let me get you a wheelchair."

Hurriedly Serena half-staggered toward the nearest free wheelchair.

"Let me get it, Serena."

Raf reached out for her, but she snatched at the handles of the wheelchair and jerked it away from him. _How did he get here so bloody fast._

"I'm perfectly capable, _Raf._ "

"You've just fainted, Serena!"

A porter was helping Bernie into another wheelchair under Morven's supervision.

 _Bernie_ , face white, lips a tight line, eyes closed, trying desperately not to make a noise.

"Take her to the office."

She let go of the wheelchair and pushed it abruptly towards Raf.

"We've got a bed free..."

Moven began, but Serena cut her off as she gestured wildly with a hand to stop Raf from reaching out for her again.

"Take her to the office. NOW."

There were tears in her eyes and though she shouted her voice was thin and strained.

Dutifully Morven lowered her gaze and pushed Bernie into the office.

"Should I-"

Her hands hesitated on the wheelchair as Serena followed her in.

"Oh, just get out!"

Serena hissed with another wave of her arm.

"Tramadol."

She said suddenly, and a startled Morven stopped in the doorframe.

"She needs...Tramadol."

Moven gave a brief nod of her head, made to leave, stopped abruptly, turned, and closed the door behind her.

"Serena, sit down."

"Where does it hurt?"

She ignored Bernie's request. She pushed up her sleeves and positioned herself behind the wheelchair.

"Lean forwards."

"Serena..."

She pushed her forwards and ran her fingers down the length of her spine.

"Serena, stop fussing. I'm fine, I just..."

Serena pushed her fingers into her skin, massaging her, but this wasn't like the massage that Serena had given her before, this was hard cold fingers pushing into rapidly bruising tissue.

"Steady on...Serena..."

She drew in a short breath, jaw clenching.

"STOP. Serena, you're hurting me."

Serena stopped, backed away, hands held in front of her, lips parted.

"Sorry...sorry, I'm sorry."

Bernie pushed herself back up into a sitting position, eyes closed.

For a moment their was silence.

Serena stood, eyes wide, just staring at Bernie who sat stiffly in the wheelchair with her eyes closed against the pain.

What had she done? Everything within the past few minutes...how could everything spiral out of control so quickly?!

She let her arms fall to her sides.

"Sit with me."

Bernie whispered, finally opening her eyes, though her face, when she did look over at her, was expressionless.

Quietly Serena drew over the chair from by the door so that she could sit in front of Bernie, almost knee-to-knee.

"You fainted."

"I was just-"

She glanced away again. _She was just what?_ Running from the whispers? Scared? Paranoid? It was ridiculous for a woman of her age to-

"What's going on, Serena?"

Her voice was low and quiet, nothing in it to give away how much pain she was in, how the pain in her back made her feel physically sick, how it caused shooting spasms of sharp, unbearable pain down the length of her right leg.

"I overheard Raf and Fletch talking about us."

Serena said to her hands, folded together in her lap.

"Oh?"

It was all Bernie could manage to say.

"They said they didn't think I would be your type...that I...flirt with, well...everyone...that you wouldn't like that...That I've _piled on the pounds_ since Edwards and, and Robbie."

She frowned down at her fingers.

"Serena..."

Bernie whispered, but Serena shook her head.

"They know Bernie."

She glanced up, a tear falling from glassy eyes.

"They know. The porters know, everyone knows, and they're talking about us behind our backs...they're _laughing_ at us, and I hate it."

She struggled against the tremble of her bottom lip.

"I _hate_ it."

She whispered as her voice broke.

-.-

I'll try to get another update written at some point today (I apologise in advance if I don't!) The reviews I've been getting have been so, so lovely. To hear that I've made people's days by updating, or that some of you have been talking to other people about the story really made me smile! Thank you. I love reading the reviews SO much, so please do keep them coming! Xxx

 **Crystal vision** , I promise you various moments of vulnerable Serena (this update being the first). That is one of my favourite things to write! Any specific 'vulnerable Serena' moments' are gladly accepted x

 **Saz:** That's an interesting idea, I hadn't even thought about introducing Robbie as a character, I will think about that one and see what I can do as I like the idea!x

 **Vickatronic:** I will work that in for you x


	32. Chapter 32

Bernie eased herself back as Serena moved her own chair to sit next to her, needing to feel the reassurance that physical contact gave her. She rested her head upon her shoulder, taking a moment to just feel the warmth and movement of the other woman, every slight rise and fall of every breath.

Bernie placed a gentle kiss to her crown, dark hair brushing against her lips. The Tramadol was beginning to take effect and she was relaxing, slowly, every inch of her body now relatively pain free, though her mind was slightly fuzzy, somewhere between very relaxed and ever so slightly high.

"Oh...poor Morven."

Serena squeezed her eyes closed and turned her face into Bernie, her cheek against Bernie's collar bone. How she wished she could undo all of the silly, _silly_ things she had just done...the hurtful way she had spoken to Morven. Lovely, sweet, Morven...

"I tell you what though, you'd give Connie Beauchamp a run for her money with that performance."

Bernie nudged her gently, lips still brushing back and forth against her hair.

"Oh don't."

Serena sighed, paused, frowned.

"I'm _much_ more frightening than _Connie Beauchamp._ "

She added.

"Of course you are."

Another gentle nudge and Serena raised her head slowly and drew in a long, deep breath.

"I've made such a fool of myself."

She looked down at her hands that lay palm-up in her lap, looked at all of those lines. _Old woman hands..._ hands that were tired and pale, a faint scar at the base of her thumb from goodness knows what, she couldn't even remember, couldn't remember that long ago...

"Nonsense."

Bernie whispered, she too looked at the curled fingers in Serena's lap, beautiful long tapered fingers, elegant hands that had pieces so many broken bodies back together again, had mended so many lives...

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about."

Bernie said quickly, as though she had known what Serena was going to say. Stiffly she raised her right arm and curled it about Serena's shoulders, holding her close, knowing that all the other woman needed was to be held, to feel secure and loved, to feel as though she could overcome everything that had happened as long as she had _this._

"I must say I've never had a woman faint in my arms before."

She cast Serena a sideways glance, one eyebrow slightly raised, eyes sparkling in that way that she had; that way that never failed to make Serena smile.

"I hardly fainted in your arms. More...on top of you..."

She paused, feigned a frown.

"You could've caught me!"

"I did try!"

She noticed the laughter behind Serena's eyes and pursed her lips.

"Hardly such a big army...macho..."

"Wrong way around..."

Serena cut in, remembering that day, that comment with a sudden happy warmth.

"Well, hardly much of one out there now, was I!"

Serena looked thoughtful, drew in another breath and sighed. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately; sighing.

"Perhaps I was just too heavy for you t-"

"Serena."

Serena looked up from beneath her eyelashes. There was a firmness to Bernie's voice, a tone that she rarely used.

"Well, I _have_ put on weight."

She looked down at her hands again.

"But you're not _over_ weight."

There it was again, that sigh.

"I think it was just a bit of a...shock. To realise that other people had noticed."

Bernie pulled back, winced slightly against a piecing twinge in the base of her spine, and withdrew her arm from about Serena's shoulders so that she could reach between them, to gently squeeze Serena's fingers.

"As cliché as it is, I love you just the way you are."

She paused, ran her thumb over the rise of Serena's thumb knuckle.

"Actually no, that's not true."

"No?"

The corner of Serena's beautiful mouth twitched.

"I _love_ your body...your curves..."

"Curves!"

Serena laughed.

"More like rolls."

She frowned again, this time at herself, scowled at how ridiculous she was. _How could she have allowed this to happen...too much food, too much stress, to much bloody Shiraz..._

"Hardly."

Bernie watched her own fingers trail circles in the centre of Serena's palm.

"You are the _sexiest_ , most _incredible_ woman I have ever met."

She said simply, with nothing but a little shrug of her shoulders.

Serena's frown faltered briefly, she looked up, smiling again, beautiful brown eyes bright and glistening.

"Reminds me of a conversation we had a few months ago..."

Bernie tilted her head in silent question.

"You are the _most_ fantastic, fearless doctor in this entire hospital..."

She said slowly.

"Ah..."

Bernie's heart swelled. How many times she had replayed that sentence in her head, both directly after the moment, and even now, when she was in the shower, or in bed alone, after so many weeks.

"And we all know how that conversation ended."

She murmured, and glanced to Serena's mouth.

She leaned in slowly, kissed her gently, sweetly, upon those perfect flushed lips.

"I love you, Serena Campbell."

How she had wished she could have whispered those words that first time they had kissed.

Serena pulled back, only just far enough so that she could meet Bernie's eyes.

"And I you, Berenice Wolfe."

-.-

The next chapter is purely a Serena chapter - at home alone whilst Bernie is on a night shift ..

Estafila: Sorry, but I don't know how many more chapters I will write before this story is complete. I have the story mapped out until the end, but I imagine I will still be writing it well into next year. If people continue to want me to, that is! X

 **Violet-Daydreamer:** That was SUCH a lovely review. Thank you. I had to re-read it more than once. I'm writing an original novel similar to this at the moment x

 **CrystalVisions:** That means a lot, it always fills me with a huge sense of relief when someone mentions that they feel I've got the characters right. I do so many re-writes of dialogue, reviews like this make it worth it! X

 **Vickatronic:** Yes! There will be an insecure Serena based 'M' rated scene soon x

Somebody commented with a brilliant idea about how Jason could be the one to tell everyone (Charlotte, Elinor, Cam etc) that 'love is love'... but I can't find the review now, but I'd just like to say that I LOVE the idea and I will do exactly that xxx


	33. Chapter 33

**This is a note to the guest who sent me an anonymous message in regard to the homophobic themes covered in this story. For those who are disappointed that this isn't an update, I'm sorry! Please forgive me, I will get writing as soon as I've uploaded this...**

To the guest who has just come out, and who wishes they hadn't,

I wish I could send you a private message to say this, but as I can't, here will have to do.

First, let me say - you've just come out! In case you don't have anyone else to say it, WELL DONE. It's a brave, stressful, terrifying thing to do. I'm sorry you don't have the support of those around you at the moment. And I'm sorry that you haven't been enjoying the homophobic themes covered in this story, I can assure you that there will be plenty of lovely, fluffy chapters to counter-act the angst, and there will also be a happy ending. But if you choose not to continue reading, then that's absolutely fine, because you need to do whatever it is you need to do to feel OK.

As for whoever it is that hasn't reacted well to your coming out, perhaps they need time to adjust, perhaps they are shocked, and need to overcome that, or perhaps they just need (gently) educating?

There are so many people out there who are just like you, who have just come out and who are wishing that they had just stayed 'in the closet' because of how other people are treating them.

But it's really important that people DON'T stay in the closet, it's really important that we KEEP coming out, and KEEP letting other people know that it's OK to be whichever letter of the LGBTQA+ we are.

So surround yourself with people like you, and people who will lift you up and support you. Find local LGBTQA+ groups to go to, or to join online if you'd rather. Make friends with people who will celebrate you for who you are rather than putting up with people who would rather you pretended to be someone you're not, just to make them more comfortable.

The world IS changing, slowly, and it will continue to change. The scene in which Bernie and Serena are verbally abused by the drunk men was based on a real life experience that happened just before I wrote that. It happened to myself and my 'real life Serena', just because we were walking hand-in-hand down a road in broad daylight. It was frightening, but we were looked after, and made to feel a lot better by the people who support and love us.

Horrible things _do_ happen sometimes, and sometimes everything just feels a bit shit. But other times you'll catch someone smiling at you when you're walking hand in hand with your partner, and it's a smile of silent support that can keep YOU smiling for days.

Just know that you will be OK.

Sending love xxx

(My inbox is always open to anyone feeling a similar way x )


	34. Chapter 34

Thursday night. _Thursday._ She mulled the word over in her head. It was the first Thursday night that Bernie had worked since they had been...together. A couple. The thought made her smile to herself. A bubble of elation began to rise within her chest and creep within her veins.

She sighed, slowly, deeply, exhaling into the room. She was standing with both hands resting upon the kitchen table, an empty glass and a half-drunk bottle of wine in front of her.

She drew in another breath, drew it deep into her lungs. How strange it was to be here without Bernie. After such a short amount of time she had become such an integral part of her day. They didn't even live together, and yet when she wasn't around she found herself doing silly things; making two cups of coffee instead of one, scrabbling in the kitchen drawer for another set of cutlery when she had already set out both her own and Jason's.

She tapped her fingers against the solid wood table, gently, over and over, staring into the middle distance, still smiling, smiling, until suddenly her smile slipped from her lips, and she frowned, huffed out a breath.

She didn't know what to do with herself. She moved about the kitchen, touched things, adjusted things, opened the cupboard above the kettle and smiled at the coffee she had bought in especially for Bernie.

She checked that she'd turned the oven off, nudged the doormat back a fraction of an inch with a slippered toe and touched the scarf that Bernie had left hanging, for some reason, on one of the key hooks by the back door.

Slowly she withdrew her hand, turned her back to the door and looked about the kitchen.

Had it always been this lonely once Jason had gone to bed? Had _she_ always been this lonely?

She frowned. Surely she hadn't. She was just being ridiculous. Love sick! _Ridiculous... had she already thought that?_

Quickly, with a purse of her lips, and without too much thought she half-turned, eased the scarf from the hook and wound it about her neck.

There.

With a satisfied smile she set about pouring herself that glass of wine that she had abandoned. When the glass was three quarters full she stopped, put the glass down, picked it up, put it down, picked it up again.

 _Oh for goodness sake._

She looked at the glass, took it firmly as though she expected it to resist of it's own accord,

and made her way into the hallway to turn the outside lights off before settling down in the sitting room.

But as she raised a hand to flick the light switches she caught her reflection in the full length mirror. She stopped, looked at herself. _Really_ looked at herself. So this was what a divorce, an ex boyfriend, a mother lost to Alzheimer's, and, dare she say it, Jason, did to a person then.

She tilted her head to one side, regarded herself almost sorrowfully. Her hair was alright, she could live with that...this _boyish mop_. Still thick, not _too_ grey beneath the dye. She almost smiled, remembered for a moment her mother's continuous criticism of her hair.

Her face was...what was it? Passable? Perhaps? That groove in her chin...it didn't bother her now as much as it had in her youth. Her jawline wasn't as pronounced as it once was, the line of her mouth was blurred, and the lines around her lips...the lines around them weren't just there when she smiled any more, they were just there, as permanent a feature as her nose, or her eyes. She squinted slightly, _was she really that tired or were those bags always there?_ Come to think of it, the lines on her forehead seemed to have become deeper too.

And as for her body. _Well._ She barely liked to think of herself from the neck down.

She had a sudden, laughable urge to take all over her clothes off right then and there, stand in front of the mirror and see what ghastly horrors lurked beneath. But no, Jason might come down and find here there. The poor boy would be traumatised for life, and heaven knows he would tell all and sundry about how he had come downstairs in the middle of the night to find _Auntie Serena_ standing naked by the front door holding a glass of Shiraz.

 _Oh..._

How Bernie could find this attractive she had no idea. Especially when Bernie was in such fine physical shape herself. I mean really, how could a woman have two children and still look like that? Was this what Elinor meant when she had talked about people being in different leagues?

What had she done with her evenings before Bernie?

Before she could fully realise that she genuinely had no idea what she had done, she hurried away from the mirror, the cold draft that was coming in from under the front door, and into the sitting room

She sat down, set her wine down with a decisive clink and reached for her laptop.

 _Lesbian...lesbian...lesbian..._

Cold fingers typed stiffly.

 _Lesbian films._

She googled. Well! That wasn't quite what she was after. She back tracked hastily and cleared her throat. Surely there must be something out there?

 _Lesbian Television programmes._

That was more like it.

She scanned the list. _Bad Girls_ , that sounded like one of the films she had just encountered.

She scrolled lower; _Last Tango in Halifax_. Sarah Lancashire. She had always had a thing for her, well, not a thing, just an appreciation of her acting talent. And, well, she wasn't blind, she had noticed how attractive she was, but she had never thought about her in a, in a...

 _What was this next one? The L Word_? She clicked play and huddled back into the sofa cushions, lips and nose dipped into the soft folds of the scarf.

-.-

Really lovely reviews and messages again, thank you.

I'm glad the letter in the previous update got to who it was meant for (brilliant quote by the way, thank you for sharing it with me).

I will update again tomorrow, more Serena and her experiences with The L Word xxx


	35. Chapter 35

Gosh these women didn't waste any time did they? She almost felt as though she must avert her eyes. Though, for the sake of _research,_ she just about managed to keep her eyes on the screen whilst these women did things to each other that she barely knew the names for.

She'd decided almost as soon as the opening titles had ended that the target audience for _The L_ Word was someone entirely different from herself. It was perhaps for the more...confident, seasoned lesbians. Not the...what was she again? The barely-dipped-her-toe-in-the-water-lesbian...bisexual?... _honestly_ , this was far more complicated than she had first anticipated. Did she still find men attractive? She supposed so.

She thought of Robbie, bought him into the forefront of her mind...nothing. Not an ounce of sexual attraction. She pushed him from her thoughts. Perhaps if she just imagined sex with a man, _any_ man...a faceless man...

 _Honestly!_ That blonde woman was quite attractive...beautiful shoulder length wavy blonde hair and wide brown eyes...

Hold on. Did she have a type?! Good _grief._

Anyway, she was digressing, what was it she had been thinking about before she had noticed the blonde, _Tina._ The brunette on the screen whispered her name.

She watched the blonde, _Tina,_ writhe back on the bed as the brunette crept lower and lower down her body, until-

 _Well we haven't done that!_

She murmured out loud, leaning ever so slightly closer to the screen.

 _Why hadn't they done that?!_

She'd done it before. Rather, had it done _to_ her, by various male partners. Edward in particular had been horrendous at it. She had found herself either bored to tears or willing him to just _find_ the bloody clitoris. It wasn't difficult. Bernie certainly knew where it was...had known instinctively, though she had only touched her with her fingers, but she had a feeling that Bernie might be quite...skilled, in that department, if she were to kiss her... _there_. Goodness knows her mouth on other parts of her body was enough to make her tremble. Her neck...her breasts...she cleared her throat and repositioned herself.

Oh! She wished Bernie were there now, wished the hours would pass, wished the weekend would come...

The weekend! A cold lurch of something made her wince. Sunday! She groaned, pressed her fingers to her lips and closed her eyes. Only a couple more days and it would be Sunday. What would she cook? Oh never mind that, that was hardly the point, was it? What would they say?...Oh _God_! What was Elinor going to say? She ran through in her mind whether or not Elinor had ever mentioned having a gay friend, a gay reference... _anything._ Surely she wouldn't be too shocked (upset?) Mind you, that pillock she was with might have something to say about it.

She glanced back to the screen. Should have stuck with Sarah Lancashire.

She closed the lid and set the laptop back on the table, glanced to the clock. Nearly midnight.

What if Elinor wanted nothing to do with her after she...after the big reveal. _Bit dramatic, Serena._

How were they going to tell them? Stand together, a united front and stammer their way through the announcement. Goodness knows they could both hesitate for England. What with Bernie's stammering and her rambling, they'd probably bore the poor children to death before they'd even _mentioned_ the word...relationship? _Lesbian_ relationship?

She swilled the last of her wine about in the glass, watching the light catch in it.

And Christmas! She thought suddenly, with yet another unfurling of panic within her chest.

Her eyes widened and she glanced through the open door to the hallway, to the space where Bernie usually hung her coat on the coat hook.

It would soon be Christmas. Already the nights were drawing in, the air was crisp and the garden gilt with frost in the early mornings when she hurried to her car, breath as white as ice the minute it left her lips.

She shivered at the thought. She felt the cold more now, supposed it was another joy of the ageing process.

Last year Christmas had been...somewhat disappointing. Eleanor had spent the day with Julian's parents, and, though she had been invited, it hadn't felt at all like Christmas. Julian's parents lived in a converted barn in the middle of nowhere; surrounded by acres of land which they did goodness knows what with.

And the house, all windows and white furniture. She'd been in the kitchen for what felt like hours before she managed to work out how to open a cabinet.

And to top things off she had to drive home so she hadn't even been able to drink to lessen the boredom of Julian's father, who insisted upon asking her banal question after equally banal question.

Instead she had been stuck with him, with various elderly relations who, upon learning that she was a consultant, spent their entire time listing their ailments, and with Julian's mother...an unnecessarily tall, willowy woman with ice blonde hair and blue eyes that were set just slightly too close together, who had spent the whole time apologising, though Serena hadn't ever worked out what it was that she was actually apologising for.

Bernie's Christmas must have been worse, however.

She attempted a smile.

Perhaps this year would be better. Perhaps they could all come together as one _big,_ _happy_ _family_.

Her mouth twitched.

It was Elinor's turn to come to hers anyway.

But what about Charlotte and Cameron? Cameron seemed like a perfectly nice young man, despite his poor taste in women. But Charlotte...from what she could gather, Charlotte and Bernie's relationship was resting on the barest of tenterhooks. Perhaps both she and Elinor would get on, perhaps they could...swap make up tips...or...surely if, as Jason pointed out, Elinor was so like herself, then surely she would at least like Bernie?! And if Charlotte was anything like her mother then _surely_ they would get along...? I

If only it really did work like that...that simply.

Speaking of Christmas she had to get Bernie a gift! What on earth could she get her?! Something meaningful...or was that a bit tacky? What did Bernie _like_? Did she have a favourite author? Did she read? She could imagine her reading, though she had never witnessed it. What sort of music did she like? Did she have a favourite _anything?_ Wasn't this the sort of thing that she _should_ know?!

Her phone bleeped.

 _I miss you. B x_

She exhaled all at once, couldn't help the smile that almost made her choke back a sob of something between relief and ecstasy.

 _I miss you, too. See you tomorrow? Xx_

Her thumb hesitated over the screen, watching, her breath catching the minute Bernie replied.

 _Please. B x_

That was all it took. Four words and nothing mattered any more, because tomorrow she would be with Bernie again.

-.-

Apologies for the delay, poorly child sent me off course. I hope this, and the ULTRA fluffy chapter that will follow, will make up for it.

As for Raf and Fletch, don't worry, they aren't off the hook yet.

xxx


	36. Chapter 36

Early morning sunshine filtered through the kitchen windows, the sun ablaze in a winter-blue sky.

Somewhere just outside the glass a robin bobbed perched between the thorns of a rose bush, it's little red chest puffed up proud, head cocked, glittering black eyes watching her through the window as she stood staring out, coffee cup between her hands, tight against her chest, steam rising into her face.

She watched as a gentle breeze made the branch bob up and down a fraction of an inch, how the robin barely seemed to notice, though he fluffed up his feathers all the more against the cold, and bowed his head to peck at the dying pink petals of the last September rose.

Serena found herself staring unblinking at the rose. Upon the petals a hundred beads of water, each one a perfect sphere, brilliant in the morning rays. Each drop so light, yet together they were enough to cause the bloom to bow toward the earth. So delicate was the flower that even these scatterings of dew were significant, petals browning and pulpy, and yet somehow, still beautiful.

It was mornings like this, when the house was silent, that she felt at her most calm. Jason had already left for work, and she had the entire day off to enjoy with Bernie. But before that, she had _this_. _This_ morning of brilliant gold sunshine reflecting from every kitchen surface, the birds and their myriad of songs, the warmth from her mug, the cosiness of her pyjamas against the chill of the house.

She smiled into the steam, dipped her lips to take a sip and closed her eyes, enjoying how much that _nothing_ , in this moment, was _everything_.

A gentle tap at the front door made her open her eyes again. She drew in a breath, slowly, slowly, exhaled, and glanced to the clock.

8:45 AM. The post man?

She set the coffee down, tightened the cord of her dressing gown about her waist, and slipped into the hallway to open the door to the grey smudge of a person silhouetted behind the glass.

"Bernie!"

The joy in her voice surprised even herself.

Bernie! With her gloved hands pushed deep into the pockets of her trench coat and her cheeks flushed from the cold. Beautiful, wonderful Bernie, with her hair un-brushed and curlier than usual, pushed haphazardly from her face, though her fringe still caught in her eyelashes as she raised her eyebrows in greeting.

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

She asked as she opened the door more fully.

"I had a few hours sleep...decided I'd rather be with you."

It was a rare moment of directness from the woman who was a master at beating about the bush.

Serena exhaled through a smile, her breath white in the air. She reached out for her, grasped an offered gloved hand and embraced her, kissed her, caught the eye of the neighbour opposite who was putting the bins out and pulled back, cleared her throat and laughed, couldn't help herself.

"What?"

"Oh...nothing."

She smiled and gestured with a hand.

"Come inside and warm up."

She ushered her inside in an whirl of icy scarves and coat tails.

Bernie closed the door softly behind herself, and bent down to slip off her boots before drawing Serena into her arms, kissing her again, hugging her close and closing her eyes as she felt the warmth of Serena's body against her own.

"How was your night?"

They both asked at once, words whispered against one another's shoulders.

They eased apart, smiled somewhat shyly.

"Long."

Bernie answered.

"Ah yes, mine was...similar."

She paused, searched Bernie's eyes.

"I missed you."

She whispered. And she _had_ missed her. Quite desperately in fact, but she wouldn't say that...she wouldn't say aloud how she had stayed up until past midnight, wishing Bernie were there, or how she had lain in bed, tossing and turning, wishing Bernie were there to keep her warm.

Bernie smiled a closed lipped smile, eyes shining. She said nothing but squeezed Serena's hands between her own. _She knew._

Serena cleared her throat and glanced up from above warm pink cheeks.

"Have you eaten?"

"I had some toast before I left. Could murder another coffee though."

Serena drew up her shoulders, exhaled and smiled widely, taking only a fraction of a second to just enjoy _looking_ at Bernie.

There was something exhilarating about being home alone in the day time with Bernie. Though they were together at work in the day time, they were colleagues, they weren't... _lovers._ Most of their relationship seemed to take place under the cover of darkness. But now, gone was the seemingly endless night, the beautiful fragile stillness of this morning, now they had been replaced with this beautiful, heart aching anticipation that seemed to accompany every moment she spent with Bernie.

Together they slipped hand-in-hand through to the kitchen, where Serena set about locating a teaspoon before she tipped the remnants of her cooling coffee from her mug, and set it down in front of the coffee machine.

"I thought we could go out later."

Bernie spoke from behind her.

Serena glanced at her as the machine hissed.

"Go out?"

She repeated. Bernie drew up her shoulders and folded her arms across her chest. She leaned back against the table in that way she had, that way that made her look longer than she really was, all flowing straight lines that drew Serena's eyes to the curve of her legs in those black skinny jeans of hers; one leg crossed over the other, toes pointed, pressed against the tiled floor, to the perfect rise of her breasts beneath the oversized jumper.

"I thought we could get some food in for our _'coming out lunch?'_ "

She pursed her lips, eyebrows raised in silent amusement.

"I don't want you buying it all...especially considering how much Cameron eats..."

She added.

"You want to go food shopping?!"

Serena laughed suddenly, and Bernie frowned a vague look of confusion.

"Sorry, it 's just...how very...'couple-y'."

"Is, is...is that OK?"

Serena smiled, she sometimes marvelled at how quiet Bernie was, how nervous...

"I must admit, I've day-dreamed about such things..."

"Food shopping?!"

Bernie half-coughed and raised a hand to touch against her mouth.

"Mmm."

Serena shot her another flushed embarrassed smile.

"Well then!"

Bernie said, for no apparent reason.

-.-

It gets much fluffier in the chapter to follow... hopefully not too fluffy for the readers who aren't too keen?xxx


	37. Chapter 37

Christmas had arrived on the high street. Windows were full of gaiety; Christmas trees of green and frosted white, window displays full of gleaming baubles of every colour, reflecting the dazzle of fairy lights through the glass, misty from the warmth inside, rain spattered from the outside.

They moved through throngs of people in perfect unison, not missing a step, Serena's arm tucked tightly into the fold of Bernie's, Bernie's hand pushed deep into the pockets of her trench coat, head bent against the wind and drizzling rain that fell from the low grey sky.

They walked by shop after shop, pressed against one another, between groups and couples and individuals, all moving quickly, wet coats and pale peaked faces, eager to get out of the rain.

Serena watched her own steps, watched how the toes of her boots sent ripples of water through each puddle, splinters of silver in ever expanding circles left behind her.

She could feel the ever-so-slight movement of Bernie's shoulder as she turned, a glance, an affectionate smile that Serena caught as she looked up.

"Is there something you'd like to say about my hat?"

"No! no..."

It was the second time in as many minutes that she had caught Bernie looking at her hat with _that_ look...a look of amused affection.

"It's quite something."

She added, noting the slight raise of Serena's left eyebrow and the laughter that glittered behind her eyes.

The shoulder of a passing man bumped gently against her and she turned, both murmuring hurried apologies, and Bernie glimpsed their reflection in the window, ghosts against the nutcracker dolls and empty presents. She watched them for a moment, the two of them, she and Serena... _Serena..._ moving quickly, from window pane to the window pane, a couple...they _were_ a couple, but yet the realisation that they _looked_ like a couple took her by surprise; as though somehow she couldn't be walking arm-in-arm with the woman she loved, in day light, along a busy street...and yet here she was, with Serena in that ridiculous fluffy hat.

She smiled again and lowered her eyes.

"Soon be Christmas!"

She heard Serena say, and she wasn't entirely sure whether it was just an exclamation of fact or whether she had missed the beginning of a sentence.

"Don't remind me..."

"Oh don't tell me you're a scrooge!"

Serena nudged her, looked up at her again with wide playful eyes as they turned into the under cover entrance of Marks and Spencer's.

They stood for a moment, disentangling, Bernie running a hand through her hair, stepping aside to let a family of four filter through the automatic doors whilst Serena fished for a pound coin in her purse for the trolley.

"It's my birthday first."

She said quietly after a pause, shooting Serena a look, her chin tilting saucily.

"Your birthday?!"

Serena's fingers paused among the coins, looking across at the blonde, her hair damp and curled, fringe still all in her eyes. _Really, how did the woman see?!_

"Mmm."

Bernie slipped a hand into the pocket of her coat and offered out a pound to Serena's gloved hand.

"When is it?"

Serena asked, pushing the coin into the slot on the trolley and pulling it free.

"7th December."

"You could have given me a little more warning!"

She cast her a mock dark look. She knew exactly why she hadn't told her...

"I didn't want a fuss..."

 _There it was._

"Do I look like someone who would make a fuss?"

She asked, gaining only a raised eyebrow in response.

"You push the trolley I can never make them go in a straight line."

She added, giving the trolley a gentle push towards Bernie, and, as if demonstrating her point, the trolley veered to the right.

"There's a joke in there somewhere..."

Bernie tossed her a wink as she spoke and grasped hold of the trolley, moving off behind Serena into the shop.

"What are we looking for?"

She asked as they approached the first aisle.

Serena stopped so suddenly that Bernie almost ran into the back of her.

"I haven't planned anything!"

She all but wailed, and she looked so suddenly, wildly, panicked, that without thinking Bernie turned the trolley sideways and reached out for her hands that she had drawn up in front of her.

"Serena..."

She glanced about herself.

"Serena, it's only dinner, whatever you do will be-"

She stopped, Serena was smiling all of a sudden, eyes averted. Bernie followed her gaze to the end of the aisle a few feet from them, the shelves filled with freshly made birthday cakes.

Serena dropped a hand and gestured to a line of rainbow cakes on the bottom shelf.

"Appropriate?"

Bernie laughed, narrowed her eyes with a frown and tilted her head with a noise of indecision.

"Perhaps not..."

But Serena was already thinking about something else, contemplating dinner again. She stood for a moment, eyes fixed on nothing in particular. She'd taken her hat off when they had entered the shop and had set it in one corner of the trolley. Now she stood, hair a little flat, face brilliantly illuminated under the yellow strip lighting, that little furrow between her eyebrows deepening as she frowned, something which, along with the groove of Serena's chin, Bernie felt an odd attraction to, as though they were what _made_ Serena's face so definable...and of _course_ the beautiful curve of her cheekbones and the line of her mouth, and those eyes! Eyes that at this very moment were turning to look at her.

"What _are_ you smiling about?"

Bernie raised her eyebrows, she hadn't realised she had been smiling. She gave a shake of her head and pretended to focus on the magazines to her right.

"Am I missing something?"

"No."

She smiled again and stepped closer, catching the eye of a passing stranger as she turned again to Serena.

"I uh..."

She cleared her throat.

"I was just thinking about how much I'm enjoying this...just...doing something so mundane with, with _you_."

She paused, laughed a breath of a laugh.

"Even if we don't quite know what we're doing."

Serena exhaled all at once, couldn't hide the light that shone so brilliantly in those dark brown eyes of hers.

Without a word she reached out to Bernie's hand that was still wrapped about the handle of the trolley. She touched her fingers gently, squeezed so softly. How she wished that she were brave enough to kiss her...maybe one day, maybe soon...but for now it was enough that their love was in everything, the looks, the little touches, the sparkle in their eyes and the hitch of their breath.

Bernie's eyes flickered from Serena's eyes to her mouth, and then, a hand upon Serena's arm made her start, and the brunette turned, startled, to look into the face of a tall elderly woman wearing a red coat and carrying a basket on one arm.

"Hold onto it."

The woman said quietly, every bit of her smiling, looking between them with bright blue eyes that seemed so full of secrets, not waiting for a response before drawing her hand from Serena's forearm and moving off on her way.

"Hold on to it?"

Bernie asked, watching her go.

"I think she meant 'love'."

Serena answered in a whisper.

-.-

Keep an eye out for another update this evening. The fluff will keep coming for a couple more chapters...until the 'coming out lunch'. xxx


	38. Chapter 38

Serena had eventually decided, after several trips up and down aisles, that she wanted to cook a proper Sunday roast, with _all_ the trimmings.

Of course.

Bernie had stifled a yawn as Serena had spent what felt like several days deciding whether they should have beef, or whether they should have chicken. She had stood in the middle of her two options, the back of one hand on her hip, the finger of her other hand pressed against her lip whilst she frowned down at one, and then the other.

Eventually, and after various seemingly unhelpful comments, Bernie had convinced her to go for the chicken, which Serena had picked up, placed neatly in the trolley, only to hurriedly grab, rush back down the aisle with, and swap for beef once they had moved on several feet.

"What next?"

Bernie asked with a sidelong glance of amusement as they made their way slowly around the end of the meat aisle and down the next into 'Dairy'.

"I think that's nearly-"

Serena slowed to a halt and pushed two fingers into the bridge of her nose, reaching out blindly with her other hand.

"Serena?"

She grasped Serena's flailing hand, her fingers cold.

For a moment Serena said nothing, just stood, breathing in and out, eyes closed. Then, with a faltering breath she opened them again.

"I'm alright, just a little dizzy."

She attempted a smile. She felt cold and prickled with heat as she seemed to so often these days.

She tightened her grip on Bernie's hand as though it were the only thing keeping her grounded and drew in a steadying breath.

"Sit down."

With one strong arm Bernie guided her towards the cafe area ahead of them whilst pulling the trolley along behind herself.

The cafe was a cordoned off area with various tables and chairs, a dark wood coffee bar with a glass cabinet full of various cakes and biscuits, on top of which was arranged a little wooden nativity scene which had been sprinkled with what looked like icing sugar.

Carefully she helped Serena into a seat and sat down opposite her.

"Ok?"

Serena attempted a weak smile.

"Yes..."

"What happened?"

She reached across the table, interlinking their fingers, relieved to feel the familiar warmth had returned to Serena's hands.

"I uh..."

She dropped her voice.

"I've had a few... _occasions_ where I've..."

She lowered her gaze to their hands, widened her eyes, head to one side.

"Where I've... _bled_ quite heavily."

Her eyelashes fluttered as she looked up to meet Bernie's frown.

"It happened again this morning...before you arrived. Makes me feel a bit...light headed."

She looked back down to their hands, a sudden burning heat rising across her back, her chest, and up, up to her cheeks, her scalp...

"I'm fine now."

She added hurriedly.

"Are you...sure?"

Bernie ran the very tip of her thumb across the rise of Serena's knuckles one by one.

"Quite sure. It comes and goes..."

She expelled an almost silent breath of air.

"Another wonderful side effect of being a woman of ' _our_ age'."

"Ah."

Bernie smiled, frown dissipating, replaced by a knowing smirk.

"Yes."

And just to make sure Serena knew she really did understand-

"Those hot flushes really are quite something."

She raised her eyebrows as she spoke, and Serena smiled again and squeezed Bernie's hand slightly.

"Aren't they just."

She drew in a breath and looked up, narrowed her eyes ever so slightly.

"We can carry on..."

But she knew that Bernie would refuse even before she watched her shake her head.

"You sit down. Rest. Might as well have a coffee whilst we're here."

She glanced about herself. Each table had a carefully constructed pyramid of three baubles in the centre of it. When she turned back to their own table she could see the upside down reflection of her own face. What _was_ her hair doing!?

"Oh, let me just-"

Serena was pulling her hand away, reaching for her purse. But as Bernie stood, she clasped a hand over Serena's, a silent touch, and slipped past her to the counter only to return moments later with a tray, two black coffees, a chocolate chip cookie and a pain-au-chocolat.

"That should get your blood sugar up."

Serena let her eyes twinkle across the table at her as she set the tray down between them.

"Honestly, I wish somebody had told me sooner how much nicer it is to be with a woman."

Serena said quietly, placing a flake of pastry on her tongue.

Bernie held her coffee in both hands, took a sip to gauge the temperature and set it back down again.

"Maybe you just had to wait for the right woman to come along..."

She said, eyes smiling whilst she snapped her cookie in half.

"Took you long enough."

Serena murmured, slipping half a pain-au-chocolat onto Bernie's plate as the blonde slid half of her cookie onto hers.

"Sorry about that."

Bernie paused, nudged her plate absently.

"Sometimes I wish we _had_ met...years ago."

Serena broke off a corner of her cookie, sugar on her fingers. She looked across at the other woman. She knew how she felt...how she had wished the very same thing _so_ many times...

"Well. We have a good few years ahead of us now..."

She turned the corner of cookie between her fingers.

"I hope so..."

Bernie cleared her throat and reached for her coffee again. She raised it to her lips and blew across the surface.

"Oh stop being so maudlin."

Serena chided affectionately, finally popping the biscuit into her mouth.

Bernie smiled slowly, looked at her for a moment, seemed to love her even more as every second passed...

"Better make the most of it whilst we've still got our wits about us then."

She murmured, adoring the smile that creased the corners of Serena's eyes.

" _That_ is _exactly_ what I plan to do."

Serena whispered with a teasing arch of her eyebrow.

-.-

More tomorrow, thank you ever so much for the reviews. There are a few who used to review who don't so much any more, I hope you're still reading, and still enjoying the story :) Sending lots of love out there to you all xxx


	39. Chapter 39

-Update dedicated to the woman I love xxx

-.-

Serena watched her with interest; eyes sparkling above interlinked hands pressed against her mouth, elbows resting upon the table.

She watched the upturned coffee cup as Bernie drank. Watched how she swallowed the last gulp of it and cast a casual glance about the shop from where they sat; a little bit of peace and quiet in amongst the frantic bustle of pre-Christmas shopping. Every aisle was full of people waiting patiently (some not so patiently), looking, reaching, reading the backs of packaging, and all the while there was that constant hum of noise – the murmuring rise and fall of voices together, the rumble of trolleys, the clatter of metal cages wheeled by to re-stock shelves, the wail of an indignant child made to walk hurriedly passed the sweet aisle...

With an almost silent clear of her throat she made to set the coffee cup back down onto the table.

"Is there any particular reason why we haven't had oral sex, yet?"

Serena's sudden question made her start, despite how quietly she had asked it. The fingers she had curled about the handle of the mug jolted. The mug tilted alarmingly to one side, and as her fingers grappled uselessly it toppled over and rolled in one large arc towards the edge of the table, leaving a watery brown rainbow in it's wake.

The legs of Bernie's chair grated sharply against the floor tiles as she lurched forwards, catching it at the last moment before it shattered on the floor, her elbow knocking over the little porcelain sugar bowl in the same movement, sending a cascade of brown and white sugar cubes and individual glittering grains all over the table.

Serena watched her, motionless except for the almost imperceptible raise of her eyebrows.

Bernie's cheeks flushed pink beneath her high cheekbones. She huffed back into her chair with a furtive glance to the nearest employee and slowly began gathering up the sugar cubes, scooping them all up into the curve of her hands and dropping them unceremoniously back into the bowl.

"Finished?"

Serena asked, when everything seemed to have stopped moving.

Bernie arced an eyebrow, throwing her a pointed look from beneath her fringe.

"Yes."

She said after a pause.

"Good."

Serena shifted closer, let her arms fall gently to the table, her hands still interlinked and, temptingly close to Bernie's own.

"So...is there?"

She asked, voice still low with that breathlessness to it that Bernie found impossible to ignore.

She took a moment to gather herself, narrowed her eyes and pushed her fringe gently so that it swept sideways above her eyebrows.

"I'm not _sure_ that this is a 'coffee shop' conversation?"

Serena dipped her head and smiled down at her own empty mug.

"No ones listening..."

Bernie gave an odd little 'aha!' sort of laugh, a half-laugh, half-clear of the throat.

She was right though. She had to give Serena that.

Besides them there were only three other occupied tables, all much closer to the counter, and all very much involved in their own conversations.

"I hadn't really, hadn't really..."

She stopped, sighed at herself. She had enough trouble vocalising her thoughts and feelings at the best of times, let along in the middle of Marks and bloody Spencer's.

She caught Serena's eye, those beautiful dark eyes, crinkled at the corners with a look that made her lips press together before she let out a quick breath, showing the glimpse of white teeth as she fought against the smile.

She tried again, for Serena.

"I just thought that perhaps, that perhaps it was a bit...soon, that it, it's a bit..."

" _Advanced lesbian technique_?"

Bernie laughed properly this time, an unexpected bark of a laugh that cast a rather sudden hush amongst the other tables.

She bowed her head hurriedly and frowned down at Serena's hands, still so perfectly interlinked in the middle of the table.

"No. Not quite."

She cleared her throat again, raised only her eyes to look across the table.

"I just, I'd like t-...it's just-"

"Oh spit it out!"

Serena hissed, all too amused at how flustered Bernie had become. If she'd realised the question would have had quite so much of an effect she might have waited until they had got home...

Though she was rather enjoying watching the blush creep up from the collar of Bernie's coat up to her cheeks. She could pin point in her minds eye just where on her chest that blush began...

"It's just a bit..."

Bernie faltered, interrupting the wandering of Serena's eyes down to the buttons of Bernie's coat. Whatever the word was the blonde clearly couldn't quite grasp it...

"...intimate...?"

Bernie deflated the moment she spoke again. No that wasn't the one...

"And here's me thinking that you curling your fingers inside me whilst I whisper dirty nothings into your ear at two in the morning _was...intimate."_

Bernie's eyes widened, her mouth a perfect 'O'.

"If you don't like doing it, then that's fine, I just-"

"No, no, I do, I mean I do want to..."

She looked across at Serena with those dark brown eyes, and couldn't help but imagine how she would gasp her name and look down at her with those eyes if she ever were to-

"I...I've certainly thought about it, I've certainly...imagined it."

She exhaled all at once. Serena's eyebrow twitched though she remained silent.

"I've never actually done it before."

She admitted suddenly, catching Serena's look of surprise.

"Not with Alex?"

She shook her head. With Alex it had been a hurried 'hands down trousers' sort of affair.

She sighed again and Serena took pity on her, thought it best to take the lead...

"I'd like to...to try it."

She moved closer, reached out to Bernie as she lowered her voice to a whisper.

"I think I'd quite like to...taste you?"

She looked so hopeful, girlish almost, with her lips parted, and the hint of a worried frown between her eyes.

Bernie shivered involuntarily and shifted in her seat. She splayed her hands flat down onto the surface of the table as if to ground herself, feeling the fine grains of sugar against her palms.

"Uncomfortable Major?"

Serena tilted her head to one side, biting her lip against a smile as Bernie shot her a mock glare.

She glanced to Bernie's mouth, couldn't help herself, felt the moment stretch between them as it always did in the moments before they kissed, and then, as Bernie leaned forwards, the faint music from the overhead speakers changed, and Serena slapped a hand down sharply upon the table.

"David _Bowie!"_

Her expression changed so suddenly that Bernie couldn't help but glance over her own shoulder.

"Umm..."

"Sorry!"

Serena reached out for her, grasping her fingers.

"Sorry..."

She laughed again and shook her head, remembering that first morning, waking up to Bernie, to the song on the radio...she had meant to look it up...

"I've been trying to remember that for weeks..."

She offered in apologetic explanation.

"I thought you'd had an apparition."

Bernie squeezed her fingers in return, still not really any the wiser.

-.-

Dreamsinlilac (what a lovely name!) That you for the review. I've written down many little Christmassy bits that I'm going to include. I'm sure they'll be even fluffier!

DebsMoriarty: Thank you!

Jools1: That's very sweet, thank you.

LazySundayTales: That made me laugh!

Crystalvisions29: Thank you, yes much better now. So glad you're still reading!

And everyone else who has reviewed, thank you so much! To everyone who mentioned the foreshadowing of something potentially 'not very nice'. Serena will have a bit of a tough time with the hot flushes/bleeding/etc etc, but as I've said before, this story does have a happy ending (not for a long while yet) Rest assured I won't be killing any lesbians xxx


	40. Chapter 40

They bought beef for roasting (still Serena looked slightly unsure about it...perhaps they _should_ have gone for the chicken...), sausages, and smoked streaky bacon for wrapping them up in.

Serena spent a good few minutes instructing Bernie on which potatoes were best for whatever it was you wanted to do with them, and Bernie absently tucked a label that was sticking out from Serena's collar back beneath the neckline of her coat, and found herself falling in love with the way Serena's mouth moved when she said _'Maris Piper'._

In the vegetable aisle Bernie plucked the rucked up (and still very much closed) cellophane bags from Serena's busy fingers, opened them and held them whilst Serena selected carrots and parsnips, broccoli and, on Bernie's insistence, a stalk of Brussels sprouts.

They bought ingredients for stuffing (after Bernie made the mistake of reaching for a packet mix), ingredients for sauces, and deserts, and Serena murmured things about Yorkshire puddings whilst squinting at the shelves stacked with bags of flour in the 'home baking' section.

They counted out notes between them at the till, exchanged glances and smiles as they packed things into bags, and caught the brief but knowing look of the cashier as they said their hurried 'thankyou's' and 'goodbye's', and made their way back out into the cold to put their shopping in the car.

They wandered about the aisles of a DIY shop on the other side of the car park, after Serena remembered that she had to buy a light bulb for one that had gone in Jason's bedside lamp, and, with surprise, and little recollection of when it had happened, they were holding hands by the time they reached the check out, and Bernie had to stare intently at the overhead strip lighting to stop herself from laughing at the rather alarmed, and somewhat comical expressions of the middle-aged men in the queue behind them.

They stopped for lunch at an arty little cafe that had sprung up on the edge of town called _The Firestation._ A converted fire station, as the name suggested, full of Serena's colours with high ceilings and walls lined with prints and art work, that, whichever way Bernie tilted her head, she didn't _quite_ 'get', though she enjoyed herself; enjoyed the food, the coffee, the _company_. The little gestures that Serena made with her hands when she spoke, Serena's fingertips that brushed her own, tracing invisible pattens upon her palm, the way Serena turned, only for a moment, to look out of the fogged window, how the light caught every rise and fall of her face, and the pure happiness behind her eyes.

They drove home in the winter sunshine, lemon yellow light flaring and flickering through the trees and across the windscreen so that Bernie had to squint to see the road.

Once home they stepped out of the car, shivering at the drop in temperature. There was a freezing chill in the air that brought a crispness to the pulpy brown leaves scattered over the gravel of the driveway, bejewelled with frost, that crunched underfoot. Rosy cheeked, they stamped the soles of their boots into the door mat, breath white at their lips, and later Bernie played _Scrabble_ with Jason (far behind even before she'd put down her third word), whilst Serena made a trifle and an apple pie for the following day, pottering about humming to herself in the kitchen whilst the sun set and the clock in the hallway geared up to strike four.

The day had seemed to pass in a flurry of warmth and happiness, of smiles and quick kisses, brief touches...

And now, as the night drew in, Serena closed her eyes and smiled into the warmth of Bernie's shoulder.

Jason was having an early night, they had the room (and the remote) to themselves, and whilst the fire crackled and hissed, and the BBC ran re-runs of _The Good Life,_ Bernie and Serena kissed and touched, whispered and laughed, whilst Serena ghosted the very tips of her fingers back and forth across the rise of Bernie's collar bone beneath the black wool of her turtle neck.

Bernie stretched slowly, her body long and taut, her jumper rising up to show the waist band of her trousers.

She sighed as she relaxed again, and dipped a warm hand beneath the hem of Serena's jumper, absently running a thumb back and forth over the base of her spine as she took another sip of wine.

Serena hummed a note of happiness as she smiled, her eyes fluttered closed, and then opened only very slightly. Still her fingers ran back and forth, tracing the long rising line of bone to the hollow at Bernie's throat, and then back again.

Never before had she thought she would find another woman's body so sexually attractive. Perhaps it was just simply Bernie. _Bernie._ She gazed up at her from where her head rested against her shoulder. This chaotic, bumbling, stammering, surprisingly graceful, _beautiful_ _woman_.

Her fingers dipped to the slope of her chest, palm flat against the beat of her heart, lower, lower...

"Going somewhere?"

Serena paused. She could feel Bernie's smile against the top of her head as she brushed her lips against Serena's hair.

"Sorry..."

She smiled and edged closer,

"I seem to have developed a rather fierce fascination with your breasts..."

Bernie let out a closed mouth chuckle and pressed another kiss to the side of Serena's head.

"Trust me, I know how you feel..."

She met Serena's laughing eyes.

"Yours I mean..."

She kissed her gently.

"I should have noticed sooner..."

Serena murmured, whilst she ran her fingertips down Bernie's chest. The meaning of what she said wasn't quite clear, but Bernie understood, as she always did when Serena mumbled something incoherent.

"I did enough peacocking and posing in front of you."

Came the whispered reply.

Serena let her head fall to one side, stilling her hand, looking up at her.

"You really tried for so long?"

"The moment I first saw you."

"Oh come on!"

She couldn't help but laugh.

"No, really! I had no idea who you were, but I know an attractive woman when I see one. I just had this overwhelming feeling that you would be...important...in some way."

Bernie arced her back ever so slightly as Serena's fingers moved lower, even through the jumper she could feel Bernie's nipple, stiff beneath the wool. Bernie lowered her eyes, watched with a halting breath at how Serena's hand moved across her body, how her fingers brushed lazily over the rise in the wool, moved slowly, one by one over her nipple, cupping her breast, loving the weight of it.

"Today has been so perfect."

Serena sighed, almost wishing that she could just fall asleep that very moment, curled up against Bernie, one hand on her- she faltered, all of a sudden she felt the almost suffocating weight of the following day begin to bloom within her chest.

"How do you think we should tell the children?"

She asked suddenly, slowly letting her hand fall to Bernie's waist. They had talked about it, but they hadn't _planned_ it, they hadn't _arranged_ what to say...

Bernie shifted, thought for a moment.

" _I_ think we should gather them all together in the kitchen, tell them, and then make a run for it."

"You think it will be that bad?"

Bernie smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"No, not really."

Another deep inhale.

"I suppose we'll see soon enough."

She added.

-.-

Apologies for any long-running-sentence-related-deaths.

VaticanCameo- The David Bowie song was 'Be My wife', it's an odd little song, with a funny little video – (Bowie is quite clearly high in it) but the lyrics made me think of Bernie. I adore him (Bowie), so there will undoubtedly be many more mentions of his music. Lots of good luck for your singing exam, I hope it goes well. x


	41. Chapter 41

"Serena?"

Bernie called softly through the bathroom door, head resting against the wood, blonde hair catching in her eyelashes as she glanced to the bottom of the door, where the light shone through in a lemon-yellow strip that showed dust motes that had settled on her socks.

There was a pause, a moment of silence, then came the squeak of a tap and the bubbling, hissing rush of running water.

She closed her eyes, smiled... _How many times was it that Serena had visited the bathroom today?_

The tap squeaked again, and seconds later the door handle turned.

Bernie took a step back and folded her arms loosely across her chest.

"Are you OK?"

She asked, head to one side.

Serena raised an eyebrow in response and expelled a breath.

"I'm..."

She gave another raise of her eyebrows and gave a limp toss of her hands, letting them fall back against her thighs.

"Nervous?"

She knew full well by now how Serena's bladder betrayed her when she was nervous, or worrying about something. She unfolded an arm and reached for her, ran the very tips of her fingers over the fold of Serena's shirt collar, her eyes following the line with a gentle furrow of her brow.

Serena sighed, smiled, moved slowly against Bernie's chest and rested her head against her shoulder, closing her eyes as Bernie wrapped her arms about her. She had expected to be nervous, but not quite _this_ nervous. Every coffee she had had that morning seemed to go right through her, her hands had trembled whilst she peeled and prepared vegetables and her stomach winced and tightened at the every noise, just waiting, _waiting_ for the sound of the doorbell...

"What time is it?"

She murmured against Bernie's collar bone.

The gentle sway between them slowed to a halt, and she felt an arm tilt behind her so that Bernie could see her watch,

"Half an hour until show time..."

"Oh God..."

It was nothing but a groan of absolute despair and Bernie couldn't help but hum a laugh against her shoulder, fingers running through the shortest of hairs at the nape of Serena's neck.

With yet another sigh Serena pulled back, away, slipped her hands down the length of Bernie's arms and interlinked their fingers between them.

"How're you so calm?"

Her voice was uncharacteristically quiet, just a murmur, the flutter of her pulse ticking in the curve of her throat.

"One of us has to be...trust me, if you weren't..."

Bernie gestured with a hand, uncurling their fingers for the briefest moment before grasping hold of her again.

"Then I would be..."

"You're staying calm for me? How chivalrous of you."

Serena faltered, caught the silhouette of herself in the mirror at the top of the stairs.

"Do I look alright?"

She edged back ever so slightly so that the light from the window at the top of the stairs caught her face. _Perhaps it was her hair? Or too much lipstick? She just didn't look quite-_

"You look beautiful."

She glanced up at Bernie as she spoke, derailing her train of thought only momentarily.

"Are you sure? Do you think I should...I'm not sure about this blouse-"

She tugged at the hem.

"It's..."

"You look beautiful."

Bernie repeated, hands holding her in place, squeezing gently, grounding her with just a touch.

Serena looked at her, drew in another breath and exhaled.

"Sorry..."

She breathed all at once from behind a laugh. Bernie shook her head, her eyes smiling.

"Don't be."

She kissed her gently, Serena's lips trembling against her own.

"I haven't peeled the potatoes!"

She withdrew sharply, her eyes wide with the sudden realisation that with only half an hour to spare, lunch would never be ready on time. _She should have planned! Written things down, a list! She was always making lists! Why hadn't she written a bloody list?!_

"I've done it, don't-"

"Or the-"

She stopped short, only just realising what Bernie had said.

"It's all sorted."

Bernie repeated, her lips brushed against her own.

"Stop worrying."

She added, paused, kissed her again.

"Come downstairs and have a glass of wine."

With a gentle tug of her hand Bernie stepped back and urged her to follow her to the top of the landing, giving her another, slightly firmer, tug when Serena hesitated by the mirror again.

"I don't know how I'm going to tell her..."

Serena whispered to herself, catching only the briefest glimpse of her face in the mirror, wide eyed, pale, lips a tense red line.

They took the stairs slowly. From the sitting room they could hear David Attenborough's voice from the television, and as they neared the bottom step they could glimpse the top of Jason's head from over the top of the sofa.

"I'll have to ask him to turn it dow-"

A shadow in the glass of the front door made her start, and she clutched Bernie's arm so sharply at the same time as the doorbell rang that Bernie flinched and took a step back up the stairs to join Serena on the second to last step.

"Who's that?"

Serena whispered, eyes on the door.

"I don't know..."

Bernie pressed her palm against Serena's hand, easing her grip on her arm.

A moment passed in which neither of them moved.

"Auntie Serena, there's somebody at the door."

Jason twisted in his seat, craning his neck to look at them.

"Yes, I..."

"Why're you hiding?"

He frowned, and pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

Serena cleared her throat and Jason began shuffling the newspaper on his lap, folding it neatly so that he could set it aside and make his way into the hallway with them.

"We're not...we're not _hiding_ , as such..."

The doorbell sounded again and one silhouette seemed to split into two behind the glass. A muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of Serena's right eye, her mouth formed a rigid grimace. This fitfully sunny winters morning would either see the dawn of their new life or snap their dreams in two.

"You're behaving very strangely this morning Auntie Serena, are you alright?"

"Yes, Jason, sorry, I'm fine."

There was another knock at the door and Serena looked helplessly to Bernie who opened her mouth to say something only to close it again almost instantly.

"Would you like me to open it?"

Jason made to reach out for the handle.

"No! No, I can-"

Serena looked again at the door but made no move towards it. She seemed only to be able to breath in very shallow breaths, and in that moment she didn't quite trust herself to move without stumbling.

"I'll get it, shall I...?"

Before Serena could stop her, Bernie stepped neatly down from the bottom step and unlocked the door.

 _Elinor_...It would be Elinor, Serena thought to herself. The _only_ time she had ever known her daughter to be _early_!

"Hello..."

Bernie glanced to Serena, very aware that nobody seemed to be saying anything.

"Come in, come in..."

Serena snapped back to life, inhaling sharply and stepping down from the bottom step with more than a little uncertainty.

"How're you, are you alright?"

She fussed over Elinor for a moment, stroked a hair behind her ear, let her palms linger against Elinor's cold-flushed cheeks before looking to Julian.

"OK?"

"Yes, fine...thank you."

He looked pointedly to Bernie with a look of silent question. _No introductions, how rude of her...!_ She had only met the man a handful of times and yet she couldn't help but feel that already he disapproved. _God, what would he say when the time came..._

"This is Bernie...she's...she and her family are joining us."

She exhaled, attempted a light-hearted smile and caught the vaguely wary look of confusion on her daughter's face.

"Oh...ok?"

There was a moment where nobody knew what to say, or what to do with their hands. Time seemed to stretch, thinner, and thinner, and.. _She hadn't thought of this...Oh God she hadn't thought about how strange this must all seem to their guests..._

"Shall we go through?"

Bernie gestured to the sitting room, a strain in her voice that only Serena would notice.

"Yes, good...idea."

Serena clapped her hands together. _Wine._

"I'll get the wine."

She gestured to the kitchen as Elinor began unwinding the scarf from about her neck and Bernie held an arm out for the discarded coats.

"I'll take coats."

-.-

I'm so sorry about the huge delay. I was preoccupied with National Novel Writing Month, a writing competition, and getting costumes made for both of my children's nativities. I've barely had time to catch a breath, anyway, I'm back now, and you can expect another update this evening (I will do my best to catch up!) I hope everyone is still reading, enjoying, and not too cross with me ;) xxx


	42. Chapter 42

p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Well! This is nice, isn't it? Isn't this nice?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Serena struggled to twist off the top from the bottle of Shiraz she was holding. Her fingers were warm and damp and trembled more the tighter she gripped./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She paused, a strange heavy tension seemed to have settled upon the room, five sets of unsettled eyes glanced unceremoniously from floor to kitchen counter, to the pans bubbling on the hob, deliberately avoiding one another./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She tapped her fingers briefly against the neck of the bottle, drew in yet another steadying breath and handed the bottle to Bernie who twisted it off in one seamless motion and began pouring./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Serena watched the wine fill the glasses one by one. emSurely there must be something to say?!/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Mum?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She started./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Yes?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Elinor was standing with her arms folded across her black polo neck. She looked remarkably sophisticated with her hair twisted and teased into a messy top knot and her skinny black jeans tucked into boots. emHad she lost weight?/em/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Is everything...alright? Are emyou/em alright?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Elinor asked, narrowing her eyes and regarding her mother with obvious concern./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She exhaled through a twitching smile, and Bernie offered out glasses of wine whilst she nervously touched things – her elbow, the kitchen counter, her elbow again, waiting until she could grasp her own glass before making to reply, but as she opened her mouth the doorbell rang once more and without thinking she was propelling herself from the room, through the doorway and back out into the hallway, glass in hand as she opened the door./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Cameron! How are you?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She had barely given herself time to realise what it was she was doing. She looked hesitantly between the two blonde girls who were stood on either side of him./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Charlotte."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She held out a hand to the one she presumed to be Charlotte, a disinterested looking young girl with dark blonde hair, and wide set eyes that lacked the gentle kindness and glittering amusement of Bernie's./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Another minute-long hesitation hung in the air between them before Bernie turned her attention back to Cameron and the unknown girl standing by his side, arms interlinked./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""And this is...?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Lucy, my girlfriend. I didn't think you'd mind if she..." He let the end of his sentence tail off, asking the question with a tilt of his head./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Oh no, not at all! Jason will just have to forgo that extra roast potato..."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She laughed without meaning to before she caught herself and cleared her throat, glancing down to the door mat./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""If there's not enough, we can-"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Oh don't be silly, I was just...never mind, come on, come in."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She took a step back, feeling Bernie's presence behind her./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"-.-/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Thank you for the reviews as ever, I'm relieved to find people are still reading this! This was another of those "getting there" chapters, the next will be far more entertaining with Bernie and Charlotte, and the "coming out"! I will update again several times over the weekend xxx/p 


	43. Chapter 43

The winter wind howled and whined against the corners of the house, bleak grey clouds were all that Serena could see whilst she stood in front of the kitchen sink, kettle in hand, looking out of the window, the grey of the outside reflecting her mood perfectly.

A crow cawed, a blackbird tapped its beak against an icy puddle that lay embedded in the hardened earth of her lawn. The world seemed to lie barren and lifeless before her – an unfinished painting - so much of the canvas was still perfectly white and frosted, as if waiting for the artist's hand to return.

She filled the kettle, replaced the lid with a scraping clatter and set it back down to boil with more force than was necessary.

She closed her eyes. She drew in a breath. From the sitting room she could hear the murmur of voices, stilted and interspersed with silences that seemed to stretch and stretch until surely they would break – shatter like the icy cold air – but then came one of Jason's observations, or Bernie's nervous attempts at conversation.

Without thinking she hurried from the overbearing heat of the oven to the back door, opening it only a crack, but enough so that her breath caught and she shivered in her clothes until her nose began to sting, her eyes began to water and she scurried back to roasting winter vegetables and baking apple pie that she had decided upon as an alternative at the last moment.

"Can I do anything?" Bernie's voice made her start. _Really,_ _how did she do that?_

She turned only slightly, well aware that Bernie was close behind her, and that she wouldn't be able to stop herself from reaching out for her, holding her against her...if she turned...

"You're just trying to find excuses to leave the living room." She spoke softly and heard the gentle hum of Bernie's laugh behind her.

"I'm making coffee..." She added.

"I can see that." Bernie smiled and raised an eyebrow as Serena half-turned.

Bernie edged closer, catching the quick glance that Serena threw over her shoulder as she leaned in and kissed her quickly before stepping back and clearing her throat, her dark eyes sparkling, adoring the way Bernie flushed instantly and raised her eyebrows at the floor between them.

"Have you spoken to Charlotte...?" Serena asked, clearing her throat again, her voice thin and quiet as she turned back to the kettle.

"Mmm." It was Bernie's turn to cast a glance over her own shoulder to the sitting room door.

"She's made it _quite_ clear that she's here for Cam's _sake...not_ mine. _"_ She sucked in a breath and caught Serena's eye as she reached for the kettle.

"Ah...I-" But as Serena began to reply there was a creak of a chair and Lucy appeared in her peripheral vision.

"Have you got a bin?" Lucy asked, entering the kitchen, a strained expression on her pale face.

"Yes..." Bernie answered first, side stepping and leaning to open the cabinet by the back door to reveal the bin.

"Thanks."

Lucy plucked a ball of chewing gum from her mouth and tossed it into the bin, oblivious to Serena's wince of disgust.

"Can we get you something to drink...? There's a bottle of-"

"I don't drink." Lucy interrupted, cutting Bernie off as she reached for the neck of a bottle of Shiraz.

"Oh." Bernie cast a look to Serena who was still standing in front of the kettle, steam billowing out from either side of her.

"...tea? Coffee?" Serena asked, head to one side.

"Tea."

It took every ounce of Serena's strength not to add a rather sarcastic ' _please'_ , onto the end of Lucy's 'Tea'. Instead she turned again to the cupboard beneath the kettle and reached for the Twinnings.  
"Breakfast all right?" She asked, placing the box by the kettle and reaching for a mug.

"Erm yes, thank you. It was just toast and jam, but it was very nice."

There was a pause in which Serena opened and closed her mouth in bewilderment and a stifled choking noise erupted from the back of Bernie's throat.  
"No, I uh...I mean...Would you like breakfast _tea_?" Serena rested her fingers on top of the unopened box of teabags.

"Is that normal?" Lucy asked, seemingly oblivious to Bernie's amusement.

"Do you mean, is that normal for this time of day, or normal tea?" Serena asked slowly.

"Normal tea. I didn't know there was any other kind, actually."

Serena blinked, looked across at Bernie with wide incredulous eyes only to find Bernie had turned away, hand across her mouth, shoulders trembling...

-.-

I apologise for the delay AGAIN. Christmas is taking over. I might get to update again before, but if I don't, I hope you all have a lovely Christmas, and I will be back updating with a vengeance once boxing day is over...xxx


	44. Chapter 44

"I mean really, what sort of person doesn't know that there are different sorts of tea!?" Serena asked, running a tea towel through her fingers before folding it haphazardly onto the work top.

Bernie smiled, watching her. Just those moments were everything, even now, today, when everything was so up in the air. It was those little moments like this, when Serena frowned, her eyes flickering away to gaze at something that wasn't there...the way she exhaled with a breath that barely trembled...

"Barbarian..." She murmured, turning her attention from Serena to the tea towel.

"Mmm." Serena drew in a breath through her mouth as she turned and attempted a nervous smile before speaking again.

"I suppose we'd better..."

"Make the announcement..." Bernie finished when she tailed off.

Serena widened her eyes.

"Oh! Now?!"

A flurry of confusion passed behind Bernie's eyes.

"What were you going to say?!"

"I was going to say we'd better go into the living room."

A moment of silence hovered between them.

"I think..." Bernie began. She cleared her throat and swallowed before continuing.

"I think we should get it over and done with. They're beginning to wonder what's going on..."

Serena twisted her hands together and looked towards the sitting room door.

 _This was it, then._ She gave an almost imperceivable nod of her head, as giving herself permission to go on.

"Come on then." It was all but a whisper.

Bernie's hand slipped into her own, tugged ever so slightly in the direction of the hall and squeezed quickly before letting go.

The sitting room was silent except for the murmur and flicker of the television. Jason was engrossed in a programme about the plight of the honeybee, Elinor was slouched against Julian on the sofa, the pair murmuring to each other whilst Charlotte swiped a thumb carelessly over the screen of her phone and Lucy stared wide eyed at the carpet.

Cam was the only one who looked up as they entered, eyebrows furrowing briefly,a quick glance to their hands between them, knuckles touching, as though he was surprised to find their fingers _not_ interlinked.

"You look stressed, mother." He was looking back up at her now, lips firmly set into a straight line all too similar to her own.

"I'm fine, Cam. Fine..." She tucked her hair behind her ear.

"...how are things at the shelter?" She asked, speaking to the arm of his chair.

He shifted, the seat creaked and he rested a hand upon the arm and tapped his fingers.

"Good, actually. I've done a couple of shifts at the LGBT centre too, they're desperate for people to help."

She swallowed and smiled a sudden, second-long, terrified smile.

"Oh!" She hesitated.

"How was it?"

He tilted his head only a fraction of an inch to one side and regarded her with those steady dark eyes that seemed to hide so much.

"Kept being asked out." He answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Oh,well...free dinner!" She felt the back of Serena's hand tremble against her own.

"I don't like men." He said slowly,and again she glanced to the arm of his chair, and again he tapped his fingers in a steady drum rolling beat.

"You like dinner..." He voice was strained - barely a whisper.

A silent stand off.

There was a tell tale narrowing of his eyes and the quirk of a smile as Bernie failed to maintain eye contact and glanced about the room, catching their reflection in the mirror above the fireplace - Serena who was standing next to her, staring at a spot on the carpet, her entire face flushed and glowing, chest rising and falling just ever so slightly too quickly beneath her blouse.

"Uhm."

She cleared her throat.

In every variation of this moment in her imagination she had never, ever thought that she would be the one to say it...

"Actually we just...we just wanted to...say...something, before lunch. Before we all sit down..." She raised her hands and pressed her fingertips together, fingers splayed as she looked down at them. She cleared her throat again. Jason paused the television. Every pair of eyes except one had turned to them.

"Charlotte...?"

Charlotte raised her eyes.

"We have something we'd like to tell you all."

She spoke quietly, but clearly, attempting a light-heartedness that she already knew would fool no one.

Charlotte cocked her head to one side in much the same way that her brother had.

"That you and _her_ are fucking each other? Yes. We know."

"Charlotte!" Bernie exclaimed. Cam seemed to tense and in the mirror Bernie saw how Serena's face flamed an even dark shade of pink.

Charlotte looked Serena up and down with a long, slow look of spiteful amusement.

"Mum?!" Elinor whispered, breaking the silence.

Serena opened her mouth, Bernie turned to look at her.

"It's not..." Serena faltered, her voice cracked and she swallowed. She seemed to have been silent for far too long.

"That's not how...not exactly how I'd word it, but..." It was all she could say. She looked helplessly to Bernie whose dark eyes met hers, turning in the same moment.

"This is a...it's a...we're in a..." She tried again to speak.

"Relationship."

Bernie concluded without really thinking.

For a moment no one said a word, there was just the gentle ticking of the clock on the mantle piece, and the sound of a neighbour opening and closing their garage door.

Bernie coughed and spoke to the floor in a voice so quiet that she barely heard it herself.

"We'd uh, we'd both like it very much if you...if you could all be happy for us. We'd like to come together as some sort of family-"

"A family?!"

Charlotte laughed suddenly and Bernie flinched and dropped her hands, knocking against Serena's, feeling the other woman reach to grasp her.

"What do _you_ know about families?" Charlotte asked, finally turning off her phone and pushing it into the pocket of her coat that she hadn't taken off.

"Charlotte..."Both Bernie and Cam spoke at once.

Charlotte was standing up, zipping her coat up, running a hand through her hair, glaring at Cam as he reached for her before anybody really realised what was happening.

"Fuck off " _Mum.""_

"Charlotte!" She winced as though an electric shock had jolted her out of reality and into a nightmare.

Charlotte stood in the doorway to the sitting room, hands balled into fists in her pockets.

"Now you've made your big announcement I can say mine. I don't want anything to do with you. I don't want to see you, hear from you...nothing. You did this... _you_ made me hate you. You never cared about me...you were never there to care! And I'm not about to sit around making small talk with your " _lesbian lover",_ who, by the way, is packing a few too many extra pounds and makes you look even _more_ ridiculous... or...or that retard, and Little Miss Princess over there... just so you can pretend we're one big happy family." Her lips were trembling and her eyes were dark, darker than Serena had ever seen Bernie's, fuelled by a rage that burned so deeply within her that nobody stood a chance. There was nothing they could do but burn alive.

"Charlotte...please..I care...I do care about..."

She faltered.

"...you..."

"You _care_ about me?! I wouldn't care if you dropped down dead."

"Charlotte!" It was Serena who gasped her name. Serena who recoiled and glanced to Bernie, only to find the other woman hadn't reacted, hadn't, it seemed, even blinked an eyelid. She was standing, as if frozen in place whilst everyone else was burning up around her.

A moment passed. A flicker of something crept up behind Chalotte's eyes and then she turned, silently, and walked from the room to the front door.

"Are you going to let her leave?!" Serena spoke at the same time as Cam made to get up from his chair to follow his sister, but Bernie held up a hand, though to whom she wasn't sure.

"I don't have a choice." She said after a pause, her voice far away and broken.

Serena stood for a moment, regarding Bernie with wild eyes and parted lips, a look of shock and incredulity that she couldn't bring herself to hide, and then, with the front door slamming behind Charlotte, Serena turned, left the room and started up the stairs.

-.-

I will start to update again more regularly now. I hope everyone has had a lovely Christmas? Reviews very gratefully received as always 3 xxx


	45. Chapter 45

-.- Just a quick note: Lucy is Cameron's girlfriend, not Charlotte's, I must have not made that clear, I apologise! -.-

Elinor stood up slowly, uncertainly and cleared her throat. She glanced down to Julian who was looking up at her with raised eyebrows.

"Someone should go after her..." She gestured limply with a hand in the direction that her mother had gone.

Bernie gave an almost imperceivable shake of her head.

"Leave her." Her voice was barely a croaky whisper. She swallowed, watched as Elinor tilted her head to one side, eyebrows furrowed in a frown that made her look as though she was all of seven years old, and for a moment, just a fleeting moment, Bernie could see her as a child, running Serena ragged with her curiosity and defiance...

"I'm sorry?" Elinor asked, after a pause.

Bernie smiled apologetically. She hadn't meant to sound brusque.

"Just..." She hesitated, leaving the word to hang in the air between them whilst she searched for the right words.

"Just...give her a minute."

Elinor regarded her for a moment before sinking back onto the sofa next to Julian.

Bernie drew in a breath and exhaled slowly. Everything about her seemed to be unravelling, she hadn't a clue how to proceed. How was it that she could remain calm in a life or death situation, and yet when it came to real people, she had absolutely no idea what to do?

This wasn't how this was supposed to happen...

"She'll come round." It was Cam who broke her out of the downward spiral of her thoughts.

"Hmm?" Her lips twitched.

Cam interlinked his hands and pushed them in between his knees.

"Charlotte..."

"Oh." It was all she could think of to say.

Silence resumed. Should she sit down...attempt normal conversation? Should she make more drinks...tea...coffee... _wine_?!

Julian laughed suddenly, a slow silent tremble of his shoulders that grew into a chuckle.

"What's funny?!" Elinor snapped, leaning away from him, one eyebrow raised.

He held up his hands and shook his head, still grinning.

"Just your mum being a lesbian." He shrugged his shoulders.

"My parents are going to go mental..." He laughed again and caught Elinor's eye, his smile faltering. There was another long pause, in which Elinor stared at Julian as though it were the first time she had set eyes upon him, and Lucy, from her perch next to Cam, pressed her fingers against her lips to suppress a smile.

Jason placed both hands upon his knees.

"Auntie Serena isn't a lesbian, it's more complicated than that." His voice was loud, and he was speaking to Julian though he was looking directly at Bernie.

"How can it be complicated?! You either are or you aren't."

Julian asked with the air of person who has no doubt that they are right about _everything._

"Jason..." Bernie warned when he made to respond.

He looked at her with those steady blue eyes of his and drew in a breath, turning his attention to Julian.

"They have fallen in love with each other, their gender is not relevant. You've made them both very sad by failing to understand that."

"It's just...funny..."

"I understand." Cam said quietly, cutting Julian off, looking up at his mother with steady brown eyes.

He stood up slowly, hands by his sides as he moved closer to Bernie.

"I understand."

He repeated, reaching out for her, taking her in his arms. She stood stiff for a moment, unused to such a display of affection, especially from her own son...she closed her eyes, lips against his shoulder, his hands firm and warm on her back.

"Julian,"

Jason was speaking again.

"You should learn to be kinder, and more tolerant. Elinor, you need to understand that this isn't about you. Auntie Serena is happy, that's all that matters..."He paused and Bernie opened her eyes only slightly, looking across the room at him.

"Bernie, I think you should go upstairs to see her, she is very sensitive about her weight, and I think Charlotte's comments have upset her even more."

He concluded.

Bernie inhaled, faltered, made to draw back from Cam as Elinor stood up abruptly, fussing with her fingers about the hem of her dress.

"I'll go." Elinor was already moving towards the door, avoiding making eye contact with Bernie as though she thought just a look from her might freeze her in place.

"Elinor..." She moved back from Cam, though she let her hands linger upon his shoulders.

" _I'll_ go." Elinor said again, more firmly this time, and without another word she slipped from the room.

-.- Thank you for all of the lovely reviews. I do love to hear what you all think, and any suggestions you have etc. There is a lot more to come, I will update again at some point today/this evening xxx

P.S I'm sorry if the formatting is strange, I'm not sure what's happened to it...or how to fix it! I hope it's readable...please let me know?


	46. Chapter 46

Serena was sat on the edge of her bed looking down at her hands neatly folded in her lap. The curtains were closed and the winter sunshine shone scarlet through the fabric.

She was hurting...for herself, but mainly for Bernie. Kind, gentle Bernie, who didn't deserve to be spoken to like that by her own daughter, no matter what animosity their had been between them...

Deep inside her chest a knotted snarl of pain was unfurling and pulsating.

She heard the creak of the stairs and the pad of sock-clad feet on the landing, and then the pause.

A quiet knock on the door.

Elinor's knock...a knock she had heard so many times over the years – when she was a child and she just wanted to come into her bed, as a teenager when she had got herself into trouble... She drew in a breath as the door opened a fraction of an inch.

"Mum?"

She exhaled and looked up, meeting Elinor's worried gaze.

"I just wanted to say-"

"Oh don't. Whatever you've come to say. Don't. This was a terrible idea..." Serena interrupted with unexpected suddenness.

"Mum." Elinor moved silently into the room and stood uncertainly at the foot of the bed.

"This is hard for me..." She began, but Serena let out a sharp 'Ha!' of a laugh and looked up at her again, eyebrows raised.  
"Oh for heavens sake, do you think it's easy for me?!" She cried, almost laughing.

She drew in another breath and huffed it out all at once.

"Oh I'm sorry...I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." She shook her head and let her eyes fall closed as she pushed her fingers against the bridge of her nose.

The mattress dipped and she felt Elinor's arm press against her own, felt her head come to rest upon her shoulder.

"I'm sorry." She opened her eyes again and turned her face slightly so that she could place a kiss to the crown of her daughter's head.

"I'm just...surprised!" Elinor spoke against her shoulder. She paused, waited for a moment to speak again.

"Does Dad know?"

Of all the questions Serena had been expecting, this hadn't been one of them. She had barely had to time to even think about how Edward would react if he knew.

Again she felt the pain in her chest tighten.

"No. Are you going to tell him?"

Elinor shook her head slowly.

"Have you always been gay?" She asked quietly.

Now there was the question she _had_ been expecting...

"No...I loved your father very much." She wrapped an arm about Elinor and held her close.

"It's just...It's nothing to do with Bernie being female...it's because she's...well, it's because she's _Bernie._ "

"That's what Jason said."

"He did?" She asked, feeling a sudden surge of affection for him.

"I can see why you'd like her." Elinor shifted so that she could sit up straighter, raised her head from her mother's shoulder and smiled at her.

"You can?" Serena smiled in return.

Elinor drew up her shoulders and let them fall again.

"She looks at you as though nothing but you matters." She said, as though that explained everything.

"And she's hot." She added after a pause, arcing an eyebrow as Serena laughed.

"I kissed a girl once."

Serena stopped laughing as abruptly as she had begun and narrowed her eyes at her daughter with a look of curious amusement. She never had been able to tell when she was winding her up...

 _In Stepney perhaps?_

"You did?" She asked.

Elinor grinned and sucked her bottom lip into her mouth as she nodded.

"Runs in the family." She murmured, relieved to see her mother smiling again.

Serena hesitated and glanced back down to the hand that still lay in her lap. She ran her index finger over the side of her thumb nail, catching it on a rough bit.

"Speaking of families...I, we...Bernie and I, would really like it if you, well...if everyone would make the effort to come together as a, as a...well, I know we could never be a "normal family", but-"

"Of course I will, Mum. You don't even have to ask..." Elinor cut in, and placed a warm palm upon her mother's thigh, the tips of their fingers just touching.

"Charlotte doesn't like me though." She added quietly, looking down at their hands, so alike in every way. Something which she was glad to have inherited, she had always thought her mother had beautiful hands.

"Oh I get the impression Charlotte doesn't like _anyone_ very much." Serena gave a wan smile and sighed.

She cast Elinor a sideways glance.

"You're just a little different from one another that's all. Once you get to know each other-"

"Mum. She hates me."

"She doesn't _hate_ you! She doesn't know you well enough to hate you yet!"

"Mum!" Elinor nudged against her in mock offence.

"Sorry,that's not quite what I...What I mean is, Charlotte's got a lot going on-"

"Because her mum's come out as a lesbian? I think I can relate..." Elinor rested her head upon her mother's shoulder again and closed her eyes, relishing her warmth and the smell of her, the smell of comfort...of home.

"There we are, see! Something in common already." Again Serena kissed her hair, letting her lips brush against the top of her head for a moment as she stared into the middle distance.

"I cant believe you're a lesbian now."

Elinor laughed suddenly and slipped an arm across her mother's lower back so that she could hug her close.

"Well I wouldn't say ...lesbian...anyway, why is that funny?"

"You're just...it's just..." Elinor faltered, still smiling.

"You just look different." It wasn't what she meant, but it was close enough.

"Different?" Serena repeated warily, was this lesbian thing seeping out of her very pores?

"Happier." Elinor ventured. Such a little word for something that seemed to have changed so much.

"I am happier. Positively gay!"

Elinor rolled her eyes.

"What's the deal with Charlotte and Bernie anyway?" She asked, cuddling closer still, looking down against at their hands as she laced their fingers together.

"It's complicated...I don't really know much about it myself. As far as I can gather Charlotte feels that Bernie choosing a life in the army was some form of abandonment. She feels that Bernie never really cared for her. She wasn't there...missed a few important things..."

"Why did she join the army?" She traced the rise and fall of her mother's thumb with her own.

"That's something you can ask her. I'd really like it if the two of you got to know one another?" Serena spoke softly against her hair.

"She's a bit intimidating!"

Serena hummed a laugh and sighed again.

"Oh don't be silly she's a big softie."

She smiled, thinking about her...smiled every time she thought of her...

"Do you think I'm silly?"

She asked quietly and she felt Elinor raise her eyebrows in surprise.

"Silly?"

"Oh you know...middle aged woman on the wrong side of fifty making a fool of herself with a work colleague...a _female_ work colleague..." She let her words tail off. It was something she had wanted to ask so many people so many times, but had never had the guts to ask.

Elinor remained silent for a moment.

"You love her." She said eventually.

"That wasn't the question."

"Everyone looks a bit silly when they're in love." She answered after another pause.

Serena stopped the gentle stroking of Elinor's arm and leaned back so that she could look down at her.

"That, my darling daughter, might just be the single most profound thing that has ever come out of your mouth."

Elinor raised an eyebrow in amusement. She could see the glitter of unshed tears behind Serena's eyes, noted the slight tremble of her chin as she pursed her lips.

"I'm happy for you, Mum." She said quietly, watching as Serena exhaled through a wobbling laugh and blinked back the tears.

"Are you sure? Because if..."

"I am." Elinor cut in, more firmly this time.

"I've never seen you look at someone the way you look at her."

"And how's that?" Serena asked, clearing her throat.

Elinor shrugged again and gave a side-to-side bob of her head.

"Just...happy. Really happy."

She looked up at her mother...her beautiful mother...

"And like you can't wait to get her into bed!" She added so quickly that for a moment Serena just opened her mouth without saying anything.

"Elinor!"

"What! It's true..."

"Well..." She rolled her eyes, she couldn't deny it.

She sighed, hugged Elinor close again and realised, suddenly, that the unfurling tangle of hurt and panic within her chest had all but disappeared.

"Cameron's hot." Elinor whispered, changing the subject.

"Oh goodness me don't!"

"What?!"

"We're going to be on Jeremy Kyle. My mothers lesbian lover is the mother of my boyfriend."

Elinor laughed.

"He's just got a nice smile!" Elinor pushed against her playfully, burying her face in her mother's shoulder.

"He's also got a girlfriend." Serena reminded her, nudging her in return.

-.-

Sorry about the delay, for some reason I'm having a lot of problems uploading the updates without them corrupting. I hope this works! Reviews very very welcome as always 3 xxx


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